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SLOUGH
I haven't been wanting to come here and write. I haven't been wanting to write anywhere. It's spring, and the sun is shining nearly every day and the sky is blue and the crocus are up and the daffodils are coming and I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm lethargic and grumpy and full of something that smells suspiciously like despair. It's completely idiotic, and I know it, but for whatever reason, it keeps overpowering me.

I feel old and slow and uncool and worried and tired and fat and helpless to make others happy.

So. Here's what I'm going to do about it.

I'm going to stop feeding it by thinking about it.

I've joined a step competition at work and I'll be forcing myself to go out walking every day. And that means tomorrow, even though the competition doesn't begin until mid-April, because it's NOT ABOUT THE CONTEST. It's about ME.

I'm going to stop somewhere, halfway on my walk each day, and fill my lungs with spring air and sing something, even if it means that Martin won't go with me anymore.

I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I've actually been down this same damn road many times in my life and fortunately, I KNOW the cure. I just have to DO IT.

I'm going to write. Whether what I have to say is slow or stupid or tired or uncool. And if writing about things that are bothering me is what it takes to get them out and make it stop, I'll do that, too.

Because I can't MAKE anyone else happy. I can only make MYSELF happy and then spread it around.

Brand New Bunches of Belated Birthday Wishes to emmabovary, johann_metzger and carrieb
 determined
mood: determined
music: nothing, just me


Comments

Go, you! (I am hoping that the new gym membership will do the trick for me.)

Slow, stupid, uncool or bothersome things.. pretty sure we all will still like to read whatever it is you will be writing down!

Enjoy the spring air, and tell martin to bring some earplugs for the moments you feel like singing out loud :D I hope you will find your bounce back soonest! (I often feel sort of the same, every time spring comes around, more so then at the start of fall/winter.. stupid SAD)

Puss på dig!

Excellent plan x

Exactly, exactly. I have come to these same conclusions myself latley. I've been reading "the happiness project" and brene brown's "the gifts of imperfection" and a number of other things on the same topic and I've decided that you can just decide to be happy, fake it until you make it, cultivate gratitude, exercise, only you are responsible for your own happiness, and yes, it will spread.

(Anonymous)
From Megsie

First of all, I am sending you a big, fat hug. That is what I usually need when I am in a funk. And, we ALL get into funks, you know that. I am so sorry you are in one right now, but it is okay. I hope you do write it out so you can get some support and reassurance. Just vomit it out right here, and we will wipe your forehead and give you sips of water.

On the other note... your plan sounds fabulous. I need to do that walking thing too...and the writing thing (!) it has been a while. Maybe soon?

Remember that there is love flowing to you from Minnesota...xoxo

Write about whatever you want dear, who cares about coolness anyway.

I'm glad you won't worry anymore about making other people happy. Just worry about yourself, and even then, try not to worry.

Edited at 2012-03-30 03:40 am (UTC)

Aw, thank you for remembering me!

May spring put the spring back in your feet and spirit!

(Anonymous)

You go girl!
-Heather

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