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SOME PEOPLE CAN STAY IN YOUR HEART BUT NOT YOUR LIFE
Karin's boyfriend, who was here for dinner last night and behaved in a completely normal manner, broke up with her today.

GAH.

She's devastated, and I feel as if everything I say sounds unfeeling, condescending and pathetic. Even though it's probably not. I remember (vaguely) what it was like to be 15 and in love, though I didn't have a "real" boyfriend for another few years. Even if he's her third boyfriend and not even the first that has broken up with her, even if she's strong as a rock, even if she's too young, he's too young, they're both too young to be trying this on for size, my baby is still hurting and I'd like to go wring his neck.

GAH GAH.

What do you say to a child, who is learning how to be a woman, who is learning what it means to learn to like someone, to care for someone, to love someone, about how to handle the hurt of feelings that don't make sense, that aren't fair, that shouldn't have to happen? There isn't anything I can say that will make it better. She's being more stoic than I anticipated, probably because she knows how I feel about drama, and I know she got a lot of her crying out this afternoon after their talk, but still.

GAH GAH GAH.

It's selfish to hope she won't have another boyfriend until she's (and more importantly, HE'S) ready to actually handle what it means. It's selfish to hope that she'll content herself with girlfriends and focus on her schoolwork instead. It's selfish to think that there is plenty of time for boyfriends LATER, right? Right.

Still. GAH.
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Comments

That's rough. I remember this type pain too. At least you're the type of parent that my parents weren't. I couldn't have told them anything, and even less introduced them to anybody I'd fancied.

Could you do things to distract her a bit? Go away on a mini trip somewhere with her, some fun distractions that didn't take a chunk of time from school or other obligations?

Unfortunately, we can't do any of that stuff right now, but she IS going on a ski trip mid-February so hopefully that will help.

Oh no! Poor Karin :(

You are right in that it's really, really hard to know what is the right thing to say to her - maybe nothing is needed but an acknowledgement of her pain, an "I'm so sorry" and then just be there for her. But yes, it's hard to be the parent and watch your baby hurt.

It's a bit brazen of him to turn up for dinner, knowing that he'd be moving on the next day - but then he's young too and may not see it that way. Still...

Like you, I had crushes at her age (mostly unobtainable pop stars - still waiting for Robert Plant to answer my letter of proposal from 1972), but no actual boyfriend until I was much older. They grow up so fast these days! Although in my case, it may have been more that I went to an all girls school, plus I had six brothers, so I had no desire to meet any boy romantically having seen that lot in action.

Six borthers! That explains a lot...poor you! haha!

Karin is bearing up just fine, today. She said they talked more today at school and are still friends, though she thinks he needs to get his head on straight and realize what he's going to miss out on otherwise! :D

Hee, hee ... yep, six brothers and three sisters. We Catholics breed like rabbits :-)

Wow, they are still on speaking terms. That says a lot about their maturity and balanced outlook. I'm impressed.

TEN children? Your poor mum!

Poor Karin! I guess all one can really learn from relationships at that age is to be careful with one's heart and do a bit of a risk analysis before diving in. Which is not to say that all of us actually ever learn...

Heh. Truth. Yeah, I've thought about saying that, but she hasn't really DIVED into anything, though she is quick to fall hard once she starts. I think this one was harder though, since she REALLY liked him.

Movies (no rom-coms!), board games, popcorn (no ice cream!) haha.

It probably doesn't help a 15-year old to hear that boys don't even grow up until they're 40 or so. But it might help her to realize that what other people choose is not a reflection on us. In other words, she shouldn't take a break-up personally. This was a decision made by someone else based on many things (or, because he's so young, based on mostly nothing, but don't tell HER that!)

Heartbreak is part of learning how to communicate with others, so this is a learning experience in the long run. Just comfort her and distract her and assure her that we have all been there and it helps us to grow. <3

40? Might as well be dead,...that's SO OLD. Ha!

She ate popcorn today after school and texted me about it so I wouldn't get mad (no chips/snacks during the week rule). :D

And I agree with your parenthesis, so true!

It is so painful to watch our daughters feel the loss of love. But at the same time, so wonderful to know that they are capable of being in love, independent of us, and that all of this is the natural order of things.

When my kids go through heartbreak, I hug them and tell them it is ok to cry, to feel sad, to feel hurt. It's normal even if it feels horrible. I tell them to let it out, not to hold back, and that they just have to keep doing so until the ship rights itself again.

Good advice and basically what I'm trying to do. :)

From Megsie

Poor Karin, and POOR YOU!

Oh, it is hard to see your kid hurting. It just IS HARD. I have no new advice, it is all up there. I tend to just listen to the ranting when I have a moody teenager. Not the same thing as a heart-broken teenager, but maybe the same can apply?

YOU need to eat some ice cream too! Ha!

Re: From Megsie

She's doing much better today, at least outwardly. They talked some more at school and agreed that they could still be friends. Very mature!

(Anonymous)

Karin- I Love You! and glad to hear that you talked with him the next day- that is very mature of you - keep smiling and act happy, and he'll learn what he has missed out - although some of those boys take many years to realize this! Love, lizardmom

Oh, oh, oh. How COMPLETELY "Gah"!

Sounds like you are doing all the right things, but still, #$&^%!!!

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