lizardek's obiter dictum

THE REASON IS YOU

2009-07-03T07:07:19Z

I know just how blessed I am. It's not the time away, or the weeks off work, or the downtime reading relaxation. It's not the wind or the water or the rocks or the little fishing villages with their red houses all in a row. It's not the things we've seen or the things we've done. It's not even the sunshine. Okay. It IS the sunshine, at least part of it is. But mostly it's these:

Photos of Karin, Anders & Simone by John Slaughter; Photos of Martin and John by Anders Ek

Cracking Me Up: Where the wild things aren't

A Sparkly Firecrackly Roundup of Birthday Wishes to totte, jax_in_sweden, shazzerlive, idahoswede, kejn, ms_hackman, and Mia!

WIND & WATER

2009-07-02T08:13:36Z

Since I was in college, I've always liked canoeing. We went on several canoe trips with all our floormates from Akers Hall, and even after graduation, dispersal and my move to Chicago, we continued to organize weekend-long canoeing trips in Michigan for several years. We've only gone a few times since moving to Sweden...the local river is a fairly easy one and we've only rediscovered the canoeing bug now that the kids are old enough to paddle as well, and we also have access to the canoes that belong to the local Scout troop, which we're members of. On Friday, we drove north, nearly to the Norwegian border and rented canoes at the top of Noth Bullare Lake (at least I think that's which one it was). The day was windy and there were whitecaps on the water, but paddling south with the wind was fine and we rather imprudently didn't think about the slog it would be to come north again, against it. The sun was sparkling on the water and the mica in the cliffsides.

Lake canoeing is very different from river canoeing, and I have to say I think it's much less exciting. The view changes so slowly that it's as if it doesn't change at all; on a river there's always something new around each bend. One thing which struck us was the absence of people. There were very few homes at all on the water, and for hours we saw no one at all. Once in a while, we'd find a little cove with a motorboat pulled up, but mostly it was just the gurgle of water under the canoe tip, our own voices, the wind, and birds. We pulled up at one rocky cove that just looked pretty, and which we thought was an island (it turned out not to be) and had a drink and a snack and the kids and Simone went swimming. Then we paddled further and finally found a small sandy beach to have lunch on. The sand was swarming with ants, but they didn't bother us, and after eating, we all lazed around for awhile in the sunshine until the kids, who were wading in the shallows, discovered the satisfying splashes and shrieks a strategically plopped rock behind someone could create. Commence rock-splashing and stone-skipping competitions!

Beating back up the lake later, against the wind in very rough waves. wasn't so fun, but we all just put our backs into it and pushed on. Back at the campground where we'd hired the canoes, we rested on the grass under the birch trees while Simone jumped off cliffs and Karin swam out to meet her. A lovely day on a lovely lake with the voices of wind & water singing in the breeze.

Shores of Norra Bullaresjön (photo: Anders Ek)

Pulled up for a break (photo: Anders Ek)

Simone & kids swimming (photo: John Slaughter)

Simone & Martin (photo: Anders Ek)

Simone jumping off the cliff (photo: John Slaughter)

SOME MORE THINGS WE DID

2009-07-01T17:42:23Z

Busy every day but in a leisurely way with time to sit in the sunshine and read books and walk along the piers of the little fishing towns. On Thursday, we drove north to Tanumshede to see the bronze age rock etchings that dot the area. Apparently there are more than 10,000 boat drawings alone, scattered around Sweden. They are colored red in order to be seen better by tourists, as in their natural state, they're scarcely noticeable and many have eroded badly due to pollution and weather. The world heritage site at Tanum included a replica bronze age settlement farm complete with a place of sacrifice (bog where offerings were made) and various hunting traps like the fox trap that John caught the kids in.

Bronze Age rock carvings at Tanum (photo: Anders Ek)

Thief warning! (photo: John Slaughter)

Caught in a bronze age fox trap! (photo: John Slaughter)

On the way home from Tanum, we stopped and ate in Fjällbacka, a pretty town on the water. We ate at Bryggan at Ingmar Bergman's Square where the food was delicious, and then had huge 2-scoop ice-cream cones before walking up by the cliffside to explore KungsKlyft, a gorge in the rock that has split it in two. The temperature in the gorge was at least 10 degrees cooler than outside, and the view from the top of the rock (Vetteberget) was spectacular.

Daring to walk under the boulders of Kungsklyft (photo: Anders Ek)

View from Vetteberget over Fjällbacka (photo: John Slaughter)

SOME THINGS WE DID

2009-06-30T19:44:52Z

We crammed in a lot of activities during our week up north. Even though I could have easily turned into a slug, something about the early early sunshine got me going much faster than I would normally have ~~liked~~ managed. Simone was up in the early yawning every day, doing pilates on the cliffs and she and Anders took turns biking into town for fresh bread and breakfast rolls. We did most of the things on our list of things to do in the area, though we never did actually make it to Smögen.

Uri the Amur Tiger at Nordens Ark (photo: John Slaughter)

Lysekil Pier before going to Havets Hus Aquarium (photo: John Slaughter)

On Wednesday, Martin and I stayed home and read for an extra hour before packing up all the picnic and swimming stuff and driving over to Ramsvik Nature Preserve to meet the rest of the gang who had left by bike. They had a great time zooming all over the area...it's a very rocky flat area with gradually sloping stone down to the sea. There was at least one herd of cattle wandering freely nearby, and lots of waterfowl. Martin found a ton of dried and scattered crab carapaces and claws, which was all that was left of unlucky crustaceans dropped from flight to crack on the stones by hungry seagulls. We ate a picnic lunch sitting by Sotens Canal, waving at the boaters going by, and saw a meter-long black snok (Grass Snake). After lunch and some more maniac mountain-biking, we sat in the sun by the water, while Simone and the kids jumped in and swam around a bit. We have a bazillion photos of John, Simone, Anders and Karin biking around the rocks, though I only posted 2 here :)

Karin speeding through a puddle at Ramsvik (photo: Anders Ek)

Anders with Simone in the background (photo: John Slaughter)

After the swim, we decided to hike south to Nöt Island and then Trygg Island, which features a burial cairn for King Tryggve high up on a mountain. After climbing and riding up one mountain, where Simone crashed and banged up her knee, we reached the top only to discover that the cairn was actually on the NEXT mountain, but we still had to climb DOWN, cross a tidal mudflat and then go up again, whereupon we 3 girls bailed. The boys made the trek all the way up to the cairn, while we took a leisurely descent back down to level ground.

John & Martin paying their respects to King Tryggve (photo: Anders Ek)

In one little town we picked up a mini fishing rod with a clothespin clip on it for crabbing. Karin and Martin had a blast crabbing from the piers, using the ubiquitous mussel shells for bait. In the early evenings, the crabs were swarming the shallows: little green ones, medium-sized blue ones and big pinky-red ones. Each one that was fished up was deposited in a bucket and when we had 4 or 6 of them, we found a low rock with easy access to the water and turned the bucket over for crab races: first one to the water wins! The crabs were so fast that Anders could only get very blurry shots of them just as they zoomed into the sea with a splash!

Martin & Karin crabbing from the pier (photo: John Slaughter)

Arriba! Arriba! (photo: Anders Ek)

COASTAL LIGHT

2009-06-29T18:10:44Z

The light is incredible along the western coast of Sweden in the summer. It's one of the sunniest spots in the country, logging more sunlight hours by far than the rest of us. This past week, right after midsummer, the sun never actually set, just dipping down behind the horizon around 1 a.m. and apparently scooching quickly around to the east to rise a short hour or so later. Frankly, sunset photos never do the real thing justice. We drove up from Skåne in rain, which slowed and ceased as we arrived on Ödby Island. There were puddles in every rocky depression on the surrounding hills and cliffs and a washed-clean feeling in the air. All week the sky was a uniform robin's egg blue: a perfect blue bowl overhead with a fresh sea wind to keep us cool.

Rainbow over Sotens Fiskarby (photo: Anders Ek)

Heading home to Hunnebostrand (photo: Anders Ek)

Sunlower lighting: Martin, Karin, John & Simone (photo: Anders Ek)

Sunlower in progress (it never actually set!) (photo: Anders Ek)

Karin & Simone on the bridge to Hunnebostrand (photo: John Slaughter)

IN THE MIDDLE

2009-06-28T17:27:37Z

I am back, but I am not sure I want to be.

I am back, for now. I will be gone again. Soon.

I am still on vacation and enjoying every sun-packed lazy-ass moment of it.

It's weird being offline for a determined length of time. One gets out of the online habit so easily. It was difficult to open this window and start typing; difficult to think of what to say, difficult to know where to begin, or whether.

We couldn't have had better weather in Sotens Fiskarby: sunny and warm with a constant cool breeze. We went to Nordens Ark and Havets Hus and Ramsvik Nature Preserve where Anders, John, Simone and Karin mountain-biked all over the rocks like maniacs. We hiked and walked and sat in the sunshine. We fished for crabs and had crab races. We admired the sunlowers (it never actually set) and ate strawberries with whipped cream. We visited Lysekil and Fjällbacka and Grebbestad (and saw BERT KARLSSON* behind the counter of the tourist info office!!!). We saw the bronze age rock carvings in Tanum and bought and ate more strawberries. We went canoeing on a windy windy lake and swam and splashed each other with perfectly timed rock tosses and jumped off cliffs into the water (well, Simone did) and slathered on a lot of sunscreen. We read a lot of books (my count: 6) and played Farkle and Clue. We tried not to think about work but failed so we talked about it a little bit instead. We ate ice cream in waffle cones and fantastic meals, and took a LOT of photos. Simone and Anders made awesome dinners. John made awesome guacamole (twice!). I washed a lot of dishes. The only way it could have been better was if it had lasted longer.

This morning we drove into Malmö, and went to a really big grocery store so John & Simone could find Swedish goodies to take back to friends. Then I took John to the bookstore to browse for his birthday present. We were there for an hour. We bought 12 books between us (2 were for Martin). Then John & Simone left to drive home to southern Germany. *sigh*

Martin is playing on the computer. They've both been computer-deprived this week but they've handled it well. Earlier Karin was lying on the floor behind me alternately badgering for sushi and crying at the injustice and hardhearted MEANNESS of her parents. Just now when I went out to the laundry room to start the dryer again she was sitting in the big chair playing with her toes. When I came back she was lying like a chalk drawing body on the floor. I asked her if she had crashed and she said, "yeeeeeeeeeeesssss". Boredom is good for kids, I hear.

She just brought me some frozen blueberries. ICY CANDY GOODNESS! She informs me that she's going to write a post on her journal. It was hard to understand her through the blueberries.

Happa Happa HAPPY belated Birthday Wishes to thehula and verian!

Awesome: Silhouette Masterpiece Theater

*We have NO idea what he was doing there, but it was definitely him.

LONGEST DAY

2009-06-20T11:35:39Z

Family, friends, a midsummer pole dressed with 7 kinds of wildflowers, dancing like tail-less, ear-less frogs (kouack kouack!), toads under ferns, swan babies, 6 kinds of herring, strawberries, singstar silliness, a hotdog-begging kitty, reading on the trampoline or alternately, bouncing on it, downpours with hail, giant fluff-clouds, sunshine! a walk in the woods, hotdogs on the grill, 2 puppies to pat, schnaps songs, packing, games, laughter! Happy midsummer everyone!

The kids, with John & Simone's help, were justifiably proud of their midsummer pole! (photo: John Slaughter)

Sillybutts! (photo: John Slaughter)

Karin, Liz, Martin & Simone (photo: John Slaughter)

The Ek's with Uncle Johnnie (photo: Simone Slaughter)

WHATEVER I WANT TO DO AND ALL DAY TO DO IT, TOO

2009-06-17T18:45:14Z

What's your idea of the perfect vacation? I waffle between not wanting to do anything at all but sleep in, lay on the sofa and read, and read some more, to making travel plans and go-go-going every day, getting something out of every minute. This week, the first of a 4-week vacation, has been a nice mix of the two, which suits my waffling heart to a T. I had plans every day but not the whole day and some of them fell through or were changed and all of them involved nice things.

It's only 2 days until the Swedish midsommar celebrations and Anders is preparing 3 kinds of herring to take with us to the party at Mats & Annelott's. My brother & Simone arrive tomorrow, and the house is clean and I feel calm and prepared for next week's trip up north to the coast.

I've had lunch with friends and a massage and a dinner with Geena, during all of which I got things that I needed: closure, advice, confirmation, relaxation and laughter. My children have been well-behaved in public, helpful at home and Martin even told me that the computer discipline-time-division that we instituted a couple of weeks ago was a good idea and was working well.

Today while we were sitting in the balcony having fika with my in-laws in Malmö, we looked out over a sea of green trees and wheeling seagulls and were horrified to watch 3 teenage boys come traipsing across the park, strewing garbage about them. They chucked a coke can into a flower garden, flung the plastic lids from 2 pringle cans across the playground, emptied the crumbs onto the path and then dropped and stomped the cans themselves before turning and strolling away. HONESTLY. My kids raced downstairs a few minutes later, completely burning with righteous indignation, picked up the garbage and put it in the public garbage containers that were 6 feet away from where the boys had been standing.

The sun has been shining all day and it started warming up (finally! finally? please say finally) after lunch, and I acquiesced to Karin's request to please please please take them to the pool. I don't really like going to the pool because 1) I don't do bathing suits and 2) if I sit and read in the sun (even in the shade), my vision is blurry for the rest of the day, but I DO like going to the pool because hey! It's the POOL. It's blue and shiny and there is an ineffable sound of joy in the splashing and shrieking and carrying on. So we swung by home and picked up bathing stuff and a camping chair for me and went to the pool. I started Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (HAR!) and after awhile, gave up on reading and just sat in the sun with the heat pounding down on my shoulders. It was almost like getting a bonus massage.

So this has been a week at home, and next week is a week away, then we have another week at home and another week away. If that doesn't sound like a recipe for lizardek's perfect vacation, I don't know what does.

If anyone has tips for things to do around Smögen in Sweden (1.5 hours north of Gothenburg) or around Vaals in the Netherlands, I'd be glad to hear them. We have some things already planned, but more ideas would be very welcome!

Cool Stuff for Bibliophiles: Turning the Pages

CALLING OSCAR!

2009-06-16T19:36:46Z

This is Karin (Liz kid) and this is my script for a movie that I'm gonna make on a game.
Its a Comedy action romance movie.

The dark ninja

*beach*

(Henry and Elizabeth kissing)

Elizabeth: I don't want you to leave.
Henry: I must, i have a big test tomorrow, and i may not come back.
Elizabeth: Honey, don't say things like that.
Henry: I'll always have you in my heart.
(Henry leaves)

------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*the living room*

(Elizabeth looking at picture and is sad)

------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*Subway station*

(Henry stands waiting for train)

-------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*train*

(Henry boards)

(camera- looks at Henry sitting in train)

(Henry goes off train)

-------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*Neighborhood*

(Henry walking in neighborhood)

(Henry walks into house)

-------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*Living room*

(Henry calls Elizabeth)

Elizabeth: Hello?
Henry: Elizabeth ? Its me Henry
Elizabeth: Oh my dear Henry !
Henry: I'm in your grandpas old house, and I'm just about to go to my test, and i called to say i love you...
Elizabeth: Henry you will come back i promise you.

-------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*rural field*

(two enter)

Teacher: Are you ready to rock?
Henry: I am

(kungfu fight)

(teacher dies in Henry's arms, Henry panics)

(Henry runs out of sight)

---------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*living room*

(phone conversation)

Henry: Honey, I killed my master
Elizabeth: OK...you did what?!
Henry: I accidentally killed my master
Henry: Honey? Honey, are you there?

----------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*neighborhood*

(Henry runs out of the house)

(And then off the set)

----------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*train*

(Henry sitting)

-----------------------------------------------------------

(new set)

*hotel room*

(Henry runs in)

Elizabeth (with gun): I'm so sorry, Henry... (shoots)

Henry (reacts to shot and dies)

Elizabeth: ...but I won't live with a killer.

---------------------------------------------------------

(THE END)

WHEN THE DOG BITES, WHEN THE BEE STINGS, WHEN I'M FEELING SAD

2009-06-14T18:41:45Z

moose
word origins
leaves
sleeping in
reading a good trilogy
playing games
my grandmother's gingersnaps
finding a new artist
velvet
unpredictable movie endings
belly laughs
lily of the valley
spice cake
getting mail
hugs from my family
sushi sushi sushi!
being helpful
CATS
knowing the answers to questions
wikipedia
singing silly songs
deviled eggs
antique markets
bright blue skies
magpies
poetry that lights your head on fire
ordering books
browsing bookstores
a stack of much anticipated books to read
my bookworms book group
the smell of freshly-baked bread
the smell of freshly-cut grass
cinnamon sugar toast
clean sheets on a freshly made bed
Christmas tree ornaments
German pretzels
unexpected phone calls from friends
talking to my mom
4-part harmony
words with 3 or more syllables
road trips
Holland
mountain views
songs from musicals
crossing things off my to-do list
having no plans
having lots of plans
Callebaut filled chocolate bars
typography
font types
Napoleon lemon balls
anticipation
dictionary definitions
embroidery
tapestry
batik
castle ruins
storks
Christmas cookies
baby bunnies
fields of dandelions
really bad groaner puns
witty repartee
lilacs
popsicles
clementines
seedless grapes
music you can play over and over
walks on summer afternoons or evenings
instant obedience
downtime
making lists

LIGHT TOMORROW WITH TODAY*

2009-06-11T20:56:10Z

My stomach was so upset with nerves before my doctor's appointment this afternoon that I seriously thought I would throw up. All for a little lump! I got there early and the doctor was an older man, a bit bear-like, with a kindly expression. It was the fastest I've ever been felt up in my life. :D He examined me and then said that he couldn't really feel anything that warranted worry: "nothing dangerous," he said. But he's scheduling me for a mammogram just to be sure. I feel much better, I have to say.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before a month-long vacation. Today was the last day of school for the kids. Tomorrow Anders is leaving for 3 days to participate in the Vätternrundan bicycle ride up north in Sweden. It's 300 kilometers (186 miles) and his start time is 3:30 a.m. on Saturday morning! There are 18,000 cyclists registered this year. They cycle around Lake Vättern, which is Sweden's 2nd biggest lake. It's not really a race...they don't keep official times or award prizes to winners, though participants can keep track of their own times, thanks to the special chips they receive for the ride.

Even though next week is the first week of vacation, it is as busy as a "real week". Tomorrow after work I'm taking the kids out for sushi (what else?). Saturday Karin has a soccer match in the morning and a birthday party (in Malmö) in the afternoon and the kids and I are going to a grill party in the evening. Monday I'm going to to help a friend organize her home in the face of impending blindness. Tuesday I'm having lunch with Carol's parents and dinner with brief_therapy whom I haven't seen in far too long. Wednesday I'm (hopefully) going to see a friend & colleague who just had a baby, Thursday my brother & Simone arrive, Friday is midsummer and a party with friends and Saturday we are going up north to Sotens Fiskeby for a week of actual relaxing vacation and some canoeing and hiking and biking and sightseeing, weather permitting. Points to those who figure out WHICH day in the calendar madness listed above actually has nothing planned in it.

Weather?! Listen up! PERMIT ALREADY.

I'm feeling pretty good about things, despite the apparent crazyness of that schedule. After we get back from up north, we have a few days here at home and then we're going down to Holland for a week where 4 of my junior high girlfriends are gathering for a mini-reunion. My best and oldest friend Becky among them: HURRAY! I see her so seldom, it's like Christmas in July that she's coming!

AND I booked tickets today for my work trip to the States this fall: 2 weeks in September. Sadly, I will just miss the Squam Art Workshops (organized by the incredible woman and friend formerly and forever known as Bluepoppy) by a week, but my mom is making plans to come with me as she's done the past 2 times and I'm just thrilled about the whole thing.

Sugar Cinnamon Butter Birthday Wishes to Jeanine and Heather and anniz and A BONANZA BUNDLE OF BELATED ONES need to be given to jes6ica!!

*Title from a quote by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOME DANCING TO GET IN THE MOOD!

2009-06-10T20:16:02Z

I'm not in the MOOD to write. What AM I in the mood for?

Glenn Miller songs and convertibles. Summer evenings and those retro lawn chairs made of soft round strips that make lines on the back of your thighs. Backrubs, footrubs, headrubs. Deviled eggs and rice krispie treats. POPSICLES.

digression/ I bought a box of Hello Kitty popsicles at the grocery store this evening, partly because they were grape & cherry flavored (!) and partly because I wanted to see the expression on Karin's face when I handed her the box /end digression

I'm in the mood for cleaning but I'm not motivated. I'm in the mood for tickets and travel but I have to wait a bit longer. I'm in the mood for strawberries and cream: one more week to midsummer!

Huge fat colorbomb peonies. Getting together with old friends. Girl giggles. Compliments. Closet cleaning. Ragtime piano players. Buying books. Slow-dancing. Nostalgia. Summer slacks and sandals. Turquoise. Open windows. Calligraphy inks. Comic strips. Vacation!

What are you in the mood for?

LISTEN & LEARN, READ & REMEMBER

2009-06-07T20:29:18Z

I love reading posts about reading and books and especially young adult and children's books which I have a huge collection of and soft spot for, and this post by new blog find Diamond in the Window made me laugh out loud. I knew EXACTLY what she meant by "one of us" and EXACTLY how she felt by having some of her recommendations rejected by her kids.

Only one of my children is a real reader. Karin reads...usually under pressure, though she does surprise me now and then by picking up something. Usually, however, it's a Young Jedi book or a comic. Martin, on the other hand, is just like me. He reads all the time and when he's deep in a book, you have to say his name more than once to get his attention and repeat his name again to keep it. He has read, re-read and loved several of the books I loved as a child, but if I try to subtly push anything towards him, he invariably ignores it in order to pick up The Big Book of Animal Facts for the millionth time or even The Bart Book (or worse, The Homer Book).

I'm constantly excited to show him books, to recommend them, to suggest great reads, and ALWAYS a bit hurt that he doesn't grab them and devour them with the same excitement. I know he has to find his own tastes and make his own choices about what he wants and likes to read, and even though I'm really just glad he loves reading, sometimes it would be fun to have my tastes and recommendations validated by my kid. Every time he DOES read a book I've praised or recommended I always feel like I've won a major mom prize.

It's funny about book recommendations, though I think it's funnier about music recommendations. I find it very difficult to take music reviews with any degree of seriousness: musical taste is SO subject to opinion. But books! Hmmm...I don't think it's any coincidence that bookish people love to talk about books and recommend them to others, because we are always on the lookout for the next big crush: the author whose writing causes us to fall in love all over again with words and worlds. The hook of the book!

When I was in the States 2 years ago, during one of my several hour-long browses through Barnes & Noble, a clerk in the young adult section, whom I asked about suggestions for Martin (who was 9 at the time), suggested The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan to me. I read the blurb on the back and the excerpt page and thought, "Hmmm...greek gods and modern-day teenage sensibilities...sounds good for a child who LOVES D'Aulaire's Greek Myths and the Warriors cat books. I meant to read it, too, but Martin (after quite a long delay) beat me to it. He liked it so much we had to order the next 3 and he was in a fever of anticipation for the last one (there's one more to come) which came out this past Christmas. I've read them all, too, now and each time I read something Martin has enjoyed I think I have a better handle on what to recommend to him, but the result is invariably the same. He reads what sounds interesting to HIM, and quite often, it's not what I want him to try. It's frustrating since I KNOW he would love the books I think he'd love if he'd only give them a chance. It makes me laugh at myself, too, because of the many many times I've done the same thing: not tried something someone else recommended for whatever reason and later tried it only to kick myself for not trying it sooner!

I tell the kids, every time they turn up their noses at something without trying it, to remember the story of me & sushi: look how many years I missed out on sushi because I absolutely refused to try it: EW RAW FISH NO WAY ARE YOU NUTS? And now: Duh. Commence self-kicking.

You want to save your kids from those sorts of errors, right? You want them to learn from YOUR experience, forgetting that everyone really only learns from their OWN. We rarely learn to appreciate the wisdom of our elders until we're beyond the know-it-all immortality of childhood ourselves.

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." —Samuel Clemens

What new books are you reading that you'd recommend right now? I just finished The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt. It was lovely and lyrical and appalling and twisted and crammed. I've just started The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows, which I'm already being drawn into after only a few short pages. Before that I plowed through Ursula Le Guin's trilogy, Gifts, Voices and Powers, which reconfirmed her masterful storytelling and style. Before that, the last really good young adult books I read were Lee Raven: Boy Thief by Zizou Corder and Flora Segunda by Ysabeau S. Wilce, both of which I have praised to Martin and neither of which he has picked up...yet.

ALL OVER THE MAP

2009-06-04T21:40:21Z

Christina and Rée and Erin are making magic with words. They do it all the time and o! it makes me wild with envy and it makes me stutter with wonder and each word they choose is so right that I find myself holding my breath as I read all the way to the end where the explosive whoosh as my breath releases all at once in a cloud of joy.

Some of my blog friends have stopped up their mouths with silence. Did you ever read Harlan Ellison's I Have No Mouth & I Must Scream? That is what I would feel like if I couldn't talk or write or write about talking or talk about writing or write about writing. No words! A very quiet nightmare.

Beware. There are words fizzing and seething. A word geyser in the making. But no promises as to coherence, just that I am feeling the need to spew and shoot off my mouth and gurgle out this gush of words that keep bottling up in my brain. You should tap me gently on the head a few times perhaps before opening me.

Outside the window a darkling blue sky with shadow clouds. Chill temperatures greet each morning and evening this week and the wind flaps flags and rustles leaves and bends saplings. I notice the green and the not-green.

I feel the need for a pet, so much so that I keep thinking about trying to talk my husband into disregarding and daring the risk. Is it a spring thing? Fish aren't enough. Everyone is out walking their dogs but us and we would so like to be out walking a dog. I know this is an unrealistic and petty fever of desire that bubbles under the surface. It's not his fault: I have allergies, too.

Today, a gift of food from some of Anders' students: Croatian nougat (chocolate yum!) and mixed nuts from Iran. Pistachios & almonds & cashews & two more I don't recognize and since the labels are in Arabic I'll remain clueless. I don't think of myself as liking nuts mostly because I don't like them any way but salted. No almond M&Ms for me, thanks. I like girl candy: no nuts! Haha! I would like to see a pistachio tree.

I know how to write my name in Arabic, if the college acquaintance who taught me how to do it wasn't lying and making me believe that the Arabic for SUCKER was Elizabeth in a wavey dotted curlique of script. In high school I learned the Greek (Humanities & Art History) and Cyrillic (Russian Studies) alphabets and even how to write my name in Egyptian heiroglyphics. I have them written down in a journal somewhere. There's something soothing about knowing how to write your name in other languages. Although, my memory of how to write my name in Arabic might not be so accurate anymore and I might actually be writing URKELBREATH instead of ELIZABETH when I do it now. I should ask my Asian colleagues how to write my name in Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean. Then I could use a brush and paint my name black and spikey on white white paper. Add a spray of leaves and a red circular stamp. That's my name, don't wear it out.

FRUSTRATIONS & FRAGMENTARY FEELINGS

2009-06-03T21:23:08Z

I get so aggravated by being slowed up when I'm working fast. Especially by things outside of my control like a constantly crashing computer. I want to be able to move quickly and do quickly and think quickly, preferably at several things at once and not being able to do it smoothly makes me crazy. I can do quick so well when things go smoothly.

Something else that drives me crazy is having to do things over or make revisions to something I've already finished because someone else changes their mind or misses something or forgets something. It's human nature, I know, and of course I'm as guilty as the next person, but still: aggravating! Even more aggravating when I have to re-do something because of something that I missed!

And waiting! Waiting makes me nuts! I can feel my hair going gray when I'm forced to wait. The worst is waiting for other people. I wonder how much of our lives is wasted in waiting? Waiting in waiting rooms. Waiting in line. Waiting at home wondering when you'll hear the door open. Waiting for something to happen, to change, to get here.

Also, that people can't plan ahead, that they wait until the last minute, that they don't allow enough time for things. Again, I know, I know: it's human nature, but ARGH.

Forgetting something, that drives me crazy too. When I've just spent an hour at the grocery store, driven home, unloaded and put away everything, and suddenly realize I forgot that one damn thing that I didn't write down because I trusted my brain to remind me in the right aisle. And don't forget the grocery carts that have 4 free-wheeling wheels and a sudden heavy pulling life of their own. You'd think after 12.5 years in Europe, I'd be used to those unpredictable creatures but I hate them more than ever.

Being late, that stresses me out beyond belief. It's tied into the planning ahead and the waiting phobia, of course. I'm pretty good at not being late, in fact, I'm ~~rather anal~~ known for being early (and offering to help chop veggies for appetizers or put things out or whatever) and consequently knowing that I'm going to be late? Crazy-making.

There! That was fun. I don't think I write nearly enough about the things that make me tear my hair out, so that should be enough to get it out of my system for another few years or so.

I feel rather scattered and pulled lately. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in, as...well, not always, but way too often. Here I am with an extra hour of time while the book-blog is uploading to lulu.com for the 3rd time (see above: crashing computer), and I started to read, in fact am feeling pulled to read by lovely, stirring language and intricately interesting characters in the book I'm in the middle of (The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt), but yet the pull to write a post overwhelmed me and yanked me in this direction instead.

I can't seem to settle and find my mind darting off in a hundred different directions: good lord the algae in the fish tank is mutating; is it too late to plant peonies and lupines? Carol would have been so thrilled about the Latin American & Spanish theme at the Gothenburg book fair this year; how worried should I be about the little lump I can feel under my breast?* I really hope that they aren't going to cut the budget for my planned US trip this fall; I really want to see Coraline and Up; what do I do about the things Martin told me the other day? I really shouldn't be so bummed about my friends who aren't blogging right now but I am; Karin's birthday is coming up; can't forget I need a thank you teacher gift for next week; man, we really need to get the boat tickets dealt with for the Holland trip, and oh! I need to do some online research about places of interest near Smögen and near Vaals; and is that file uploaded yet???

O! a million things, a million snapping synapses!

*Already made a doctor's appointment for next week to get it checked out.

BAKER'S DOZEN

2009-06-01T19:29:36Z

The sun is shining. The sky is a bright bright even blue. There was a rainbow-colored hot-air balloon drifting low over the trees in the backyard about half an hour ago while I was on the phone with my sister. The lilacs are nearly finished but now the poppies and irises and peonies are popping. Meadow buttercups dot the grassy sward between our neighborhood and the school, and every green slope along every road and highway is cheerfully whitened with daisy faces.

Today is our 13th wedding anniversary and Anders gave me 13 roses. It's really easy for both of us to get caught up in the daily routine of work and house and kids and forget what a miracle it was that we found each other and kept each other.

I went and got my hair done today and behind me a woman was having her nails done. She told the nail technician that she and her husband had been married for 55 years. FIFTY-FIVE years! The nail technician stopped what she was doing and asked her, "Don't you ever get tired of him?" And I didn't hear her reply because I was thinking, "Of course you do. But you keep him anyway. Because he's a keeper."

DRAINED

2009-05-29T20:28:23Z

All week I've been dreading attending the funeral of my friend, Carol. How do you reconcile the death of someone your own age when there is so much still to DO, so much planned, so many years of experience still to come? When you know that person didn't want to go, wasn't ready to go, and went in such a blindingly fast and unjust way? Maybe no one is ever REALLY ready to go, but I suspect that when you're 90 it's easier to accept than when you're half that.

The weather today was changeable. It kept changing. It rained and sunned and clouded. The lilacs are still out and the pansies are still bright because it's been pretty chilly lately. The chapel was lovely: small and cozy and warm with wood paneling and lots of candles. And lots and lots of flowers. I wore a skirt for her. I haven't worn a skirt since my brother got married and, in fact, it was the same one. I didn't want to wear black, because Carol was all about COLOR. So I wore lavender and even though the skirt had a black background, it was flowered all over with lavender and pink flowers.

There was a violinist that played several songs, one of which, Albinoni's Adagio in G Minor, nearly tore my heart out. But it wasn't until the song chosen for everyone to sing by Carol's daughter: You Are My Sunshine started, that everyone really lost it. I defy you to try and sing "please don't take my sunshine away" at a funeral without sobbing.

I don't feel relief that it's over because all I can think about is the fact that for her family it's NOT over. It's just begun.

And I look around at my own cozy life and my good job and my beautiful children and the circle of friends and family around me and think: nothing is certain. There are no guarantees.

But when I wake up tomorrow, the sun will be shining and the lilacs will still be blooming. And that's something, after all.

Brimming Barrelfuls of Belated Birthday Wishes to nannergo!

JAG SKA BARA

2009-05-26T19:49:11Z

Martin and I were going to go for a walk after dinner, but I had to get a couple of quick things done to finish and publish this month's AWC newsletter/website and when I was done with that I had to do a quick-read through my friends list and answer emails and as I sat here the room gradually got darker and darker until I got up and turned on the light, and then did a double-take because it was only 7:30...and it's supposed to still be light out! Then thunder rumbled. bbbuuuuummmmbbbblebooooommmmm, it went.

Hmmm...I thought (with my Einstein hat on), it sounds like a storm is brewing...maybe we should wait 5 minutes (as we do, here) and see if it's going to pass over so we can go walk. And I thought, I'll just finish reading this magazine while it passes. And lo, it DID! The sun was coming out again under the passing cloud layer, and I chivvied Martin into getting ready to go out the door. But first I had to put socks on, and go to the bathroom, and he had to grab a cookie and then we got our jackets and went out...and it was raining. Big fat ploppy drops. Even though the sun! It was shining! But the horizon was looking dark again and we looked at each other and chickened out.

So I sat down and called my mom, whom I haven't talked to in awhile and we got caught up and while we were on the phone, I wandered slowly around the house, sitting on the sofa for awhile and then in the big chair, and then on the sofa in the playroom, and at that point, the rain started POUNDING down so hard and so loud that my mom could hear it in Michigan! Then it stopped, but it's still grumbling up there and I didn't go for a walk today.

The end.

THIS, THAT, THE OTHER

2009-05-24T08:51:08Z

It's Sunday morning, the 4th and last day of a long weekend. I was just realizing that the reason it's a long weekend in America is because it's Memorial Day weekend, while the reason why it's a long weekend here in Sweden is because of Ascension Day. Strange.

The sun keeps trying to come out...it's been up and down and hiding and peeping all weekend. We're back to the "wait-5-minutes" typical Swedish weather, it seems. I'm really hoping that the sunshine sticks around or at least comes back full force when my brother comes at the end of June, but midsummer weather is notoriously chancy around here, so keep your fingers crossed. We'll be canoeing and camping for 2-3 days and if it's pouring rain I may just have to kill someone.

The kids and I went to see the new Star Trek movie last night and thoroughly enjoyed it, though I suspect that I liked it much more than they did simply because of having so much more of the background story. It made me miss my dad terribly as I grew up watching the original show with him. Now I'm getting bombarded with Star Trek questions and I don't have the answers, because even though I watched the original, that was it. I never got into the successive shows or saw any of the other movies and I was flabbergasted to read that this was the ELEVENTH Star Trek movie...I stopped paying attention somewhere around 4 or 5, apparently.

I've spent a great deal of time this weekend gathering and printing out photos of my friend Carol from various AWC events over the years and am now mounting them into a photo album for her daughter. I'll be taking it with me to the funeral on Friday. I'm not looking forward to that, at all. In any way, whatsoever. I've also been editing her blog content into book form to eventually be printed and given to her family. It's a lot of work (especially since it's photo-heavy) but I feel really good about doing it. I'm planning to do this for another friend as well, but am trying to make a dent in Carol's first.

This weekend has been all about projects and getting things done, since we haven't had any real plans. Anders has been working on the car, and is out bicycle-training this morning. I still have a long list of things to get done today, so need to get my nightgowned butt into the shower and get started.

Conversation With the Kids
Karin: I never have dreams. I don't think I dream.
Liz: Everyone dreams, honey. It's just that you don't remember them.
Karin: No, I don't think so. I really don't have any.
Liz: You must have an off switch, then!
Martin: Too bad it only works at night.

WHEN IDEAS FAIL, WORDS COME IN VERY HANDY*

2009-05-19T21:21:33Z

Maybe I have a hole in my head where all the words have leaked out.

I looked down around my feet to see if they were there, but all I see is bright green new grass. Sometimes pavement. Sometimes shoes.

Where have the words gone? Have they traded in their D's for M's and gone inching off, into the grass, greening themselves with protective coloring? Camo-worms.

I know that technically I shouldn't have used apostrophes there with D & M, but I seem to remember that sometimes apostrophes are necessary when the lack of them would cause confusion. You wouldn't be sure what I was talking about if I had written Ds and Ms, see? Actually, I believe the lack of apostrophes always causes confusion. That's why so many people feel the need to pluck them from thin air and stuff them into words where they don't belong.

If the words WERE leaking out, would my mind eventually be empty and still, peaceful as a pond with no wind to stir it, no fish to jump, no skating waterbugs? Or would they keep welling up from my subconscious, an endless flow slithering down around my ears, over my shoulders to plump onto the ground.

I bet some words plump when they drop. Words like plump, for example. Words like sofa and potato and hippopotamus. Others do that wafty, leaf-dancing air spiral: kinetic, mantis, articulate. Still others dive in a smoothing glide straight out, at an angle, coming to rest like a paper airplane—one of the ones that actually flew instead of immediately nose-diving. Like glycerine, maybe. Or singular.

I like the idea of little word-worms. I'm thinking more of the inchworm type of worm; caterpillars, really. Not worms at all.

Things that made me glad today: Having a good Barky day. Wearing a new necklace. Sunshine. Kohlrabi and snap pea sprouts. That my kids actually agreed to and ate speedily up the omelettes I made them for dinner (a first). A great progress report from Karin's teacher (and Martin's last week). A half-day tomorrow and a 4-day weekend ahead. A chatty phone call from my brother. That one place on our walk where Martin and I can't figure out what smells so good: the lilacs? Those little yellow-blossomed weeds? The cherry trees? These bushes whose name I can never remember? Martin and I are pretty sure it must be the lilacs, but there are lilacs EVERYWHERE right now, and it's always just in this one spot that we get hit with this sudden blast of sweet-smelling-something. It's like airborne candy perfume.

*Title from a quote by Goethe

THIS VERY MOMENT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FOR SURE

2009-05-17T17:45:20Z

My kids are waltzing, or what passes for waltzing in their pre-adolescent, high-school-musical-filled brains, in the living room. They're singing as they twirl, and as they pass the doorway they both make a huge grin in my direction and then stop and come in to see what I'm doing. AAH! they exclaim, when they see that I'm writing about them (they're sitting here giggling right now).

Their cheeks are bright pink, and their skin is cold: they were out in the chilly evening air watering the garden ...and each other... a few minutes ago. I kept thinking it would rain, but it's held off all day with the sort of gray-white overcast ready-to-rain feeling that gets me down.

Karin thinks it's embarrassing that I'm writing about them dancing, but they gave me such a little jolt of joy in a long hard weekend, when I needed all the smiles I could get. Karin is actually CRYING now. Begging me to stop and quit writing about them. She's collapsed on the desk and is sobbing her little drama-queen heart out. Martin, of course, is laughing his head off.

They're turning into summer children: legs and arms and skin and golden highlights in their hair. I expect we'll see less and less of them as the days lengthen to peak and they're outside on the trampoline or over at a friends' house, although we'll probably have to kick them off the computers first.

Martin and I went out for a walk this afternoon, but we went backwards on our usual round. We didn't actually walk backwards, Martin wants to make clear. We just went around the other way. It made me notice things that we don't usually see. A few days ago he took the treasure hunt notepad with him and wrote down all the different kinds of flowers we saw. When we got home he totaled it up and there were 49 on the list. There were only about 6 that we didn't know the names of, mostly flowering ground covers with variously colored blossoms and a couple of different flowering shrubs. The early spring flowers are pretty much gone now, wilting and blown. Next up: lupines and poppies and roses and peonies.

After reading a note from my friend Carol's brother where he asked her friends to send stories and memories of Carol to him so that he could put them together for her 7-year-old daughter who had expressed her fear to her father that she would forget her mom, I spent the day gathering photos of her from various AWC events and our last couple of Thanksgiving dinners. It made me glad that I have been journaling online for so many years now and that I have all my content printed into book format. All those scrapbooks and photo albums and journals aren't for me, are they? They're for my kids and their someday children, even if I live to be 100.

A Big Bright Bouquet of Belated Birthday Wishes to redpirk!

IN LOVING MEMORY

2009-05-14T18:23:01Z

My friend passed away this morning, too fast and too soon. She had one of the most generous loving hearts I've ever known and the world is a grayer place without her light in it. Rest in peace, Carol.

The earth will never be the same again.
Rock, water, tree, iron, share this grief
As distant stars participate in pain.
A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf,
A dolphin death, O this particular loss
Is Heaven-mourned; for if no angel cried,
If this small one was tossed away as dross,
The very galaxies then would have lied.
How shall we sing our love's song now
In this strange land where all are born to die?
Each tree and leaf and star show how
The universe is part of this one cry
That every life is noted and is cherished,
And nothing loved is ever lost or perished.

—Madeleine L'Engle
from A Ring of Endless Light

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT

2009-05-11T21:00:17Z

Despite the ups and downs of sorrow the sun keeps on shining and I muddle along. I dragged Martin up off the sofa and made him go for a walk with me after dinner this evening. The sun was lowering, but still high in the sky; it hasn't reached its zenith yet...we're still enjoying the lengthening days.

It's cool in the evening air, there's an autumn-y nip in the spring sunlight which is rather refreshing. I much prefer a cool, sunny spring to a direct dive into humidity and heat, so no complaints here. We pulled on fleeces and started out. Martin often requests a treasure hunt list to take along but I was feeling fresh out of ideas so I told him he'd have a different kind of hunt this time: he had to make his own list...of sorts. I jotted down a quick column: "dogs, cats, frogs, birds, butterflies, bees, others" and told him this time he had to count all the ones he found.

His enthusiasm for games is infectious: we both found ourselves stepping out with zeal and a bright glint in our eyes. I think you notice so much more of your surroundings when you deliberately set yourself a task like this. I hadn't said that the animals on the list had to be real, and Martin quickly bagged 2 dog pictures on the dog-doo collection can at the head of the walking path. As we rounded the swampy spot behind the school, the air was full of tiny bits of flying fluff: dandelion wishes floating free. I made wishes on all of them: health for my suffering friends. O! The very air is full of wishes!

The pussywillows have all exploded alongside the dandelions and the path further on was lined with white fluff. Rooks and ravens marched about the meadow, heads bent to their evening meal hunt. Across the sunny pastures, a group of animals grazed: how had I forgotten to write HORSES on the list when we live in the horse capitol of Sweden?? Martin ratcheted up a full set of marks under "others"—4 horses and a cow, 3 hares frolicking in a far-off field, a polar bear design on a camper. We met walking dogs along the way, made kissy-noises at basking cats, found FIVE frog figurines in various gardens. 2 fat and furry bumblebees buzzed down low in the front yard as we headed back toward home but the only butterfly in sight was a plastic reflector on a stick in front of a neighbor's house.

Then we came into the backyard and sat on the trampoline for awhile, just my kid and me. We talked about everything and nothing and I tickled him and he zapped me with static electricity and we discussed the pros and cons of putting the pool up this year and whether anyone would notice if we ~~stole~~ appropriated and relocated the lilac bushes from across the ditch and whether the kohlrabi and artichokes will ever sprout and how many marks he could have made under dogs and birds and others (horses) if the lady in the farmhouse behind us hadn't recently moved away.

IN SEARCH OF A MIRACLE

2009-05-10T20:22:51Z

All day the sun shone in a blue sky and the smell of lilacs was intoxicating. They've burst into multi-colored firework-blossom bombs of purple and white and lavender beauty. The chestnut trees have candled and the bright multi-hued greens of spring are evening out into that solid summer wall of verdant emerald.

I can't reconcile myself to the fact that a friend is dying.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

2009-05-08T20:43:36Z

One of my FB friends who is also a colleague commented at work this week that he couldn't believe how many books I read. "Do you REALLY read that many books? You read like one a day!" he exclaimed. "I don't watch TV.* I read 139.5 books last year," I replied, and left him gaping. I'm reading comfort books right now: just finished The Dark is Rising series and now have started on James Herriott's All Creatures Great & Small. I suspect it's because I need to find comfort anywhere I can these days, when worry fills so much of my mental landscape.

It's Anders' birthday today. :) I woke up at 5:25 a.m. and knew instantly that he was already awake. The man barely sleeps, I swear. His alarm usually goes off at 6 but mine doesn't normally go off until 6:45 so even though I rolled over and stuck my head under my pillow for another half hour, it's been a long day. At 6 I got up and snuck out, knowing he was STILL awake and pretending not to notice my sneakiness, and woke up the kids and then we came marching in with presents, singing happy birthday to him. This waking up of the birthday boy/girl is a Swedish tradition and not one I care for, honestly, what with the getting up early part. I suspect part of it is also my cultural inclination to have to wait to open presents until evening thus heightening the anticipation to a near frenzy. :P Anyway, my Swedie is another year better :) Happy birthday, honey! I love you!

When I came home from work today, there was a little package waiting for me. Hrm, I thought, what could that be? I haven't ordered anything, and it's not MY birthday. Turns out it was a blog friend being thoughtful and darling, as usual: Bethany sent me orange/lime Tic-Tacs because she somehow knows that I love the (have I written about them or something? it sure made me giggle!) orange ones and thought I'd like the lime ones, and she's right: I love them, too. Thank you, Bethany!

4 things I am wishing for right now:

That my friends will conquer their illnesses and be better
That bezigebij and jackiejj would come and turn my yard into a garden
That my dearest, oldest friend will make it over this summer for our reunion in the Netherlands**
That the sun will come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun!

Meg did another of her Friday Love Lists and I thought: Fun! Just what I needed. Something fun to think about, though I tweaked the list a bit. Play along, won't you? My answers are first in the comments. :)

Song you love
Book you love
Type of cuisine you love
Beverage you love
Cookie you love
Ice cream flavor you love
Place you love to go
Activity you love to do
Place you love to live
Time in your life you loved
Person you love
Body part (your own) that you love
Item of clothing you love most (that you own)
Way of relaxing you love best

Brimming Barrelfuls of Birthday Wishes to the much-missed Sheryl and Belated Birthday Wishes to big_bubba!

*Lie. I often watch TV on Friday nights or Saturday nights for myskväll depending on what's on. Just now it's Talang 2009.
**Ha! Hey Dutchies! Look! I said The Netherlands! Not Holland! Progress!