September 23rd, 2004

happyfindus

SUSPENSION

Still nothing. The suspense is driving me crazy. And people in the office ask me on the average of every 1.2 milliseconds, "have you heard anything yet?" That snapping sound you hear? It's me.

The other reason I'm close to snapping? Drama. It's everywhere. It pops up when you least expect it. It floors you and flabbergasts you and leaves you stunned and reeling. How do people have the energy for the drama?! Honestly, it's all I can do to get up in the morning, go to "work," layout stuff, make copies, throw things away, chat on the phone with friends, surf the web, run a cursory job search, wonder WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO CALL ME WITH A JOB OFFER??, go home, feed my children, answer emails, leave for whatever thing it is I have to be at that evening, come home, run the dishwasher, put the laundry in, pick up the house, go to bed. WHO HAS TIME FOR THE DRAMA?

I was recently accused of giving off a "bad vibe" to someone. This is not someone who I am close to, but someone I am friendly to when we happen to meet. Apparently I've been giving off this bad vibe for quite a while now, without realizing it. And I stopped and thought, well, hmmm...let's see...I struggled hard with turning 40 all this spring and summer, I was gone for an entire month, and when I returned I found out I was losing my job and have been jobhunting frantically for the past 3 weeks. Distracted much? Yes. Thank you.

Here's the thing. It's NOT about you all the time.

There were other things going on that need to be addressed not just by me, but by the AWC and its board, but that is a separate issue.

I apologized for hurting this person's feelings, because I genuinely don't want people to think I'm a self-centered, oblivious, uncaring snob. But the whole thing made me tired. As they say in Sweden, I just don't have the ork for any drama right now.

If Only I'd Known This BEFORE the Interviews: Bad Questions
  • Current Music
    The Crickets—That'll Be The Day