October 26th, 2004



My learning curve feels really steep right now, and I'm hoping that when I reach the top I will see a long, smooth, flattened slope in front of me. Until then I keep slogging away. I like the word slogging...I should find more opportunities to insert it into conversation.

Anders is gone all week, this time to Denmark, which at least means that he drove instead of flying. Whenever he travels, I have a silent panic partner that sits in my brain and gibbers at me until he's home safe again. Despite the amount of air travel I have done in my life, or perhaps because of it, I'm fairly terrified of flying. I manage to squash it while I'm in the middle of it, because mid-plane freak-outs are not pretty, but underneath I'm sure that THIS time will be the time my luck runs out.

It's not something I talk about much, mostly for fear of jinxing things. I remember years ago the amount of discussion and press that went on when one of the major international carriers announced it would be showing Die Hard 2, which features a pretty intense plane crash sequence, as its inflight movie. What people were really protesting was the JINX.

I remember when I was pregnant with Martin, I had a Swedish friend that was pregnant as well. She firmly rebuffed all my attempts to steer conversation to the pending births and babies. What I didn't realize then was that by talking about it, I was JINXING things, drawing the attention of potentially bad luck to myself and my child, as well as hers, by talking about it and planning beforehand. Swedes don't do a lot of pre-planning before their children are born, for fear of jinxing things. They're not like Americans...they don't have baby showers, or decorate the nursery or buy a lot of baby-related stuff. It's not at all unusual to see a Swedish father rushing around town the day after his child is born, buying everything from a car seat to a crib.

If you and a friend happen to say the same thing at the same time, do you both call out, "Jinx!" and then count to 10 really quickly and whoever finishes first, says "You owe me a Coke!" ? You do? Me, too! Why do we do that?

I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I suspect that I will never qualify for my own Really Good Writing Out There.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't want to talk to much about work and my new job for fear of jinxing things, or getting dooced.


I keep thinking that if I can just get through the end of this month (done with AWC directory! done with choir concerts! done with Halloween party!) I'll be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the year. Who am I kidding? New things come up every second that need to be added to my to-do list. AND ANDERS IS GONE ALL WEEK. ALL. WEEK. ugh. sigh

Really Good Writing Out There Right Now: Living in Hope
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