September 1st, 2005

just breathe

NOODLE POST,* OF SORTS

I'm beginning to feel a bit like a weekend blogger. The will is there and the desire, but I can't seem to find enough time. I don't really want to be writing journal entry after journal entry detailing my to-do list, my crossing off of items on said to-do list, the amount of sleep I'm missing and the fact that I'm too busy to devote the time I've been accustomed to producing here. It's making me feel guilty and sad that I can't keep up these past few weeks. I'm behind on writing, on reading, and on cleaning. I hope my faithful readers will hang in there with me.**

Trying to keep all the things straight in my head that need to be dealt with each and every day is both energizing and wearing. Martin has gym class Mondays and Thursdays, Karin on Wednesdays. Karin needs an extra snack for musicplay group on Mondays, Martin needs his Wednesdays. Karin needs a lunch packed on Fridays because they go out on expeditions. They both need new shoes. Karin needs a gift for a birthday party next Saturday and the neighbors just had a baby, so I need to remember to pick up a little something for them this week. Must remind Anders to call about service for the Volvo and the Skolverket about Hemspråk (3 YEARS without an English teacher for the kids now, WTF?!) I still haven't made any progress on getting Karin's passports renewed even though it's pretty certain that there's no rush since we probably won't be able to take that trip at Thanksgiving to the States that we had been hoping for. There are 4 bills to pay, plus choir term fee. I still have to read the book for book group on Monday, but since I just got it yesterday I haven't had a chance to start it. At least I got 3 poems up for Mosaic Minds (anyone? late submissions accepted!) Is that the dryer beeping already?

It's this sort of stream-of-consciousness list-making and list-checking that goes on in my head ALL THE TIME. It NEVER shuts off. That last paragraph doesn't detail even HALF the stuff that is whirling around in my brain these days. Extra choir practices, the annual meeting presentation coming up at the end of this month, and my god, when am I going to find time to do the AWC directory?? My aching jaw can attest to the fact that even in my sleep I'm clenching and worrying. If ozswede were around she'd be sending me concerned emails telling me to slow the hell down.

Notes to Self: send those emails about the "creative" thing we have to do for the regional and the reimbursement for the cake. Go walking with the nordic walking sticks so that you don't have to answer "no I haven't had time yet" the next time your mother-in-law asks.

I know that the world will not tilt slowly and whirl down the side of the hill if I drop my concentration for a few moments to ease the strain it is putting across my shoulders, but even my attempts to shed some responsibility and some extracurricular activities don't seem to be getting me very far. I even replied recently with what amounted to a very guilty and hard-to-write no-I'm-sorry-I-don't-think-I-can-will-you-ask-someone-else-first to one of my best friends in all the world who needs some help with a small project while she's traveling...to SEE ME (If you need me, I'll be over here under all this guilt).

The water in the fish tank needs to be changed, and I must remember to remind Anders to do something about the drain under the bathtub.

I have lots of exciting things going on too, it's not all chores by any means. studio_zoe is coming down next weekend to take photos of my kids, and I'm being interviewed by Sydsvenskan (the big newspaper for this end of the country) next week and work is going gangbusters.

And I am excrutiatingly aware that I have nothing to complain about considering what's going on in the wake of Katrina

My God, can you imagine what a mess I'd be if we had a DOG on top of all this?! Maybe everything, as my mom says, DOES happen for a reason.


*term cadged from cottontimer, via an entry a friend of hers wrote
**Please note that I am NOT complaining. I am merely making a statement about my state of mind.
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