November 13th, 2005



oh, it's an insidious's the same sort of thing that happens sometimes when you're standing on the edge of a cliff or driving. The urge to hurl yourself off a precipice without looking back. Can you fly? I think not. Although, in this particular instance, the feeling is more one of NOT taking action than of doing something impetuous and deadly. It's what happens when you haven't written for several days and the principle about a body at rest tending to stay at rest makes it hard to imagine being able to start ... the ... ball ... rolling again. You have to give it a shove. You have to push it over some speedbumps. You have to just do it.

I'm doing it!

Feeling very proud of myself, if a bit rushed, since the fact that Anders is leaving for the States tomorrow forced me to zoom around like a crazy person getting birthday and Christmas gifts for my sister's family finished tonight. So am done Christmas shopping for all my American relatives except two, woot! And found something for Anders today, so am making progress on the Swedish side, too. Go, me!

Martin and Karin are standing up on the sofa and the big chair, watching the end credits of Madagascar and shaking their booty to "You Got To Move It, Move It"...and what I'm sitting here thinking while smiling at them, kids have no rhythm. They are SO white.

I miss you all nearly as much as my family when I'm away. Is that wrong? The not wanting to start writing thing really has nothing to do with how much I love the feedback, the community, and the place I have for writing in this journal. It's a very weird mindfuck I seem to play only with myself.

Kathey and Russell and I seemed to spend an awful lot of time this weekend talking about, searching for, buying, and eating American foods. This made me feel a little strange at times, especially when we were discussing them around Swedes. It was as if it was all we thought about, all we cared about, the score! when Russell found out Ben & Jerry's is available in Sweden now, and the huge bag of chocolate-covered raisins we picked up at a giant candy store in old town Gothenburg, and discussions about donuts and pop-tarts, etc. ad nauseum. It went on and on. I guess all expats do that sort of thing from time to time.

Anders leaves for the U.S. tomorrow, shopping list in hand. Kathey and Russell moved out this afternoon, to stay with some other friends the rest of the week, but I will see them tomorrow and again on Thursday. The house feels very empty again. I have lots I want to write, but everything is spread out and needs to be fished in and made coherent first, I think.

Golden, Glowing Birthday Wishes to davesanngel!
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