February 9th, 2006

wrung out


You really are the best innernets a girl could ever have.

I have a few friends who are chronic cancellers and I have to admit, I've grown tired of pretending to be okay with it when it happens...AGAIN.

And the thing is, I'm sometimes guilty of the very same thing, although not with these particular friends. I can think of at least 2 people (although I wouldn't go so far as to call them FRIENDS. Not like you. YOU'RE friends. And you're pretty, to boot. Did you lose weight?) who could probably pick the very same bone with me.

It's all about expectations, isn't it? Maybe I should give up expectations for Lent. Except that I'm not Catholic, and I don't think they let you give things up for Lent if you're not Catholic, and besides, I think I missed the giving-up train...hasn't Lent already left the station?

I woke up in the most horrible mood this morning, partly because of my afore-posted disappointment of yesterday, and subsequent stewing over it, and let me just say that you can disappoint me all you like and I won't protest...much...but disappoint my CHILDREN, and there I have to start drawing the line. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes, horrible mood.

I dreamed that I was forced to stay overnight, due to circumstances beyond my control, in the apartment that belonged to my husband and his new, young, thin, blonde lover. They were glowing with happiness, and she was very giggly and lovey and I was completely CHOKED with dismay and bogglement. She was absolutely everything that I am not (although I HAVE been known to be giggly and lovey on occasion) and in fact, I'm pretty sure she was Amalah, which, HELLO? WTF? She's quite happily married and mother to an adorable baby boy and why my freakadelic brain would pair her up with Anders, who already thinks my internet/blog addiction is borderline certifiable, is beyond me, except that she is, and I repeat, EVERYTHING THAT I AM NOT.

I am not new, young, thin or blonde.

And, since Anders is gone this week, I could not even whale on him, or yell at him (for having an affair in MY BRAIN) or even laugh with him about it. I am the anxiety dream champion of the world.

So yeah: horrible mood. Until I got to work and had a chance to check my e-mail and saw all the love and worry and hugs that were flung my way from all over the globe last night after I posted my poem. To sum up: I am NOT new, young, thin or blonde, and some friends may not always measure up to my expectations, but YOU, the loveliest friends on the planet, exceed by far any expectations anyone could ever have.

Aside to BP: Yes, please, your advice would be most welcome!

Aside to Ozswede: This made me think of you. Can't imagine why.