April 10th, 2006



What I want and what I give myself are not the same things, most of the time, and to my chagrin. What I really want, more than anything else, RIGHT NOW, right this minute, is to fall asleep and slumber darksomely without interruption for 24 hours. At least. At the very, very least. I suspect 3 days of solid sleep would be even better and go much further toward restoring me to my true self. A self that is relaxed, gentle, generous, motivated, amusing, creative, sexy and efficient. Also, fair of face. Also, full of grace. Also, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Also humble and modest in every way.

hee! But! What is UP with me? Why cannot I just go lie my stupid weary self down in bed when I am tired and shut off my brian (and also my brain) and go to sleep? I am tired when I get home from work and I do not allow myself to go lie down (or even sit down, because if I sit down it's only an all too short tilt to a lie down and then it's all over) because there are dinners to be made and kids to be fed and fish to be fed and things to be picked up and put away and dealt with and bedtime routines to get through, and by then I might as well check e-mail and work on some web pages and maybe practice singing and then write a journal entry, and then some other things, and then some more and suddenly, QUITE suddenly, I might add, it's past 11 p.m. and I'm staring a measly 6.5 hours of sleep in the face again when I know full well that it's not enough. And then I do it again, night after night.

To compound things even further, I am not the kind of person who can fall asleep while reading. In fact, reading wakes me up. I might GO to bed at 11:30, but invariably I READ until well after midnight, and for those of you who are capable of math, and I'm reliably informed that is everyone else except me in the world, that means LESS than 6.5 hours of sleep. But I love my books and I must read (thereby proving it has turned my brain. Also, my brian), and by the end of a couple of weeks of this, I am completely wiped out. Tired. Sleepy. Drowsy. Dormant. Dozy. Slumberous. Somnolent. Fatigued. Exhausted. Weary. Tuckered. Knackered.

Good grief, that's a lot of synonyms for 'tired' and that was without consulting a thesaurus! Why in the world do we have so many words describing the depletion of energy and the need for sleep? My trusty Webster's gives me insight into the various routes by which these words wormed their ways into our dreaming brains.

Tired comes from Old English tEorian
Fatigued comes from Latin, through French, fatigare or affatim
Weary comes from Old English via Old High German wuorag (perhaps akin to Greek aOros)
Sleepy comes from Old English via Old High German slaf, and perhaps from Latin labi meaning to slip or slide
Exhausted comes from Latin exhaustus, exhaurire, meaning to draw (out or off)
Drowsy akin to Gothic driusan meaning to fall, by way of Old English drEorig
Dozy comes from the Old Norse dusa
Dormant comes from French, dormir, through Latin dormire, akin to Sanskrit (!) drAti
Slumberous from Old English sluma, via Old High German slumen
Somnolent from Latin somnolentus, somnus
Tuckered is obsolete English from tuck meaning to reproach
Knackered is British slang meaning to kill or tire, and the term was used to describe the buyers of worn-out animals or their carcasses, usually horses, for use as fertilizer or animal fodder, among other things.

Actually consulting a thesaurus gives me even more: bleary, fagged, flagging, unrested...and that is only words that mean 'needing sleep' without even getting into the synonyms that branch off into definitions meaning 'spent and worn out' or 'hackneyed and trite' both of which feel uncomfortably close to defining this journal entry.

And if all THAT doesn't put me out, I don't know what will.


Cracking Me Up, Especially the "Comments": Deleted Weekend Post

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: The Hatchling

Blessings and Bouncings and Bright Birthday Wishes for kissekat!

A Year of Sweet Dreams, Gentle Hugs, Good Mornings and Good Afternoons, Burbles of Laughter and Moments of Joy, all in a Pile of Happy Birthday Wishes to my Dear thistimearound!
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