March 6th, 2008



If the sky this afternoon had had flecks of pyrite or been interspersed with dark, spidery limonite veining, I could have properly termed it turquoise. Either way, it was BLUE. Blue to the max. It was an awfully nice feeling to look up into that endless blue sea above me when I left work; not a cloud nor a contrail in sight, after the unpromising morning of pouring rain that the day began with.

Things are motoring along here. The week zips by, consumed by work, by sleep, by getting dinner on the table. By running errands and driving to activities and filling the dishwasher. The week is nearly over and sometimes it seems that at the end of it I have nothing to show that I didn't have at the beginning. They all begin to fade into each other, with nothing much sticking out to catch the edges of memory on. No wonder it so often seems like time is flying by when each week is like the one before, with only minor changes to detail.

I think of things to write about and they blow to wispy fragments around my head. Like smoke, they curl and wind upwards. I listen to my children and laugh at the things they say but memory lapes and betrays; when I want it, it's smeared to illegibility by synapses that spark and part.

Sometimes it seems as if anticipating things too far in advance also helps to make time disappear in large chunks. When it is early March and you are looking forward to that trip home at the end of April, when it finally arrives, what will you remember about the month and a half that just passed? Nothing! Because you missed it. You were busy looking FORWARD and not looking NOW. Not that I think it's a bad thing to look forward to things, just that I think it's awfully easy to lose sight of living in the present. Anticipation is like a drug. We get hooked on the excitement of it and then we're always looking forward to our next hit. Probably explains post-project let-down and the feeling of restlessness that so often hits after vacation or a visit we've been awaiting for so long.

All year long, I am on tenterhooks for spring to arrive. Even though we've been scraping windows in the early mornings and shivering in the sudden dive the temperature has taken, there are signs of its gradual and nonchalant arrival. The light tilts daily toward full and I am longing for lilacs and looking forward to short sleeves. Other things I am looking forward to: dinner with the Wonders tomorrow night, sleeping in on Saturday, watching Ratatouille, cat-sitting for brief_therapy. And you? What have you set your sights on?

Edited to add: It's official. Brain gone. Asked pretty much same questions last week, which just PROVES MY POINT.