November 15th, 2011



It's really hard for me to climb on top of my quivering pile of motivation to write something when I'm angry or upset or sad or stressed out. Taking deep breaths doesn't really help. Straightening my back and consciously lowering my shoulders only works so long until the next time, minutes or hours later, when I realize I'm hunching or slumping again. Some days are just full of Suck and some days that start out fine and putter along at a pleasant speed are suddenly derailed by an unexpected turn of events: something done or not done, expectations not met, an attitude collision, or just the breaking point of too many things to deal with.

Patience swells and snaps. Tears threaten and glimmer. A storm of sighs and stomping, swearing and slams ensues. Frustration mounts and then stands at the edge shouting that it can't take it anymore; it's going to jump! FINE, I shout, BE THAT WAY. Then the melodrama makes me laugh and suddenly, there is a space where the straw can settle, and the ruffled, but steady, realization reveals that for now, the back remains intact.