I can't manage these stupid things at all. I'm more crippled than a one-legged grasshopper in a 3-legged race. The crutches, which, I might add, are now MINE to keep, thanks to a medical system that apparently thinks no one will be bothered to return them and which charges only 75 kronor a piece for them, are not the old-fashioned wooden, rubber-padded, under the shoulders dealies that come to mind when one thinks "crutches." Oh no. The ones I got are the so-called "forearm" crutches...so-called because they actually leave you ARMLESS. Or rather, handless, and you might think that could be a problem, when you already have one less working leg, and need your hands more than ever before and you would be RIGHT. At least with the underarm variety, if you let go of them, they STAY PUT.
Forearm crutches do not stay put. If you let go, they topple gracefully backward and lie on the floor and look up at you with a malicious giggle and say, "Let's see you bend over and pick us up now, gimpy!" and then they giggle again. I would kick them across the room if I had TWO GOOD FEET.
Number of times I had to gracelessly bend on one knee to the floor to pick up a crutch today: 27
Number of times I stopped a crutch from falling from where I had propped it against a counter, a sofa, the desk, a wall, so that I could use one of my hands, while balancing on one leg: 42 GA-FREAKING-ZILLION
Number of cramps in my left buttock caused by balancing on one leg: waaaah!
While talking to Anders during the afternoon, we suddenly realized that I probably won't be able to drive myself to work for a couple of days either (it's my right foot). I called work to see if they could arrange for a taxi to get me there and back, but the HR lady said that it's my own responsibility to get myself to and from work, and the national insurance agency won't pay for such a service until after 14 days of sick leave (which I idiotically decided I didn't need to be on last night)...by which time I won't need the crutches and will be perfectly able to drive myself anyway. Gah.
What's really weird is that THREE of my online friends fell yesterday, although I seem to be the most severely damaged. Is there an epidemic of falling sickness going around? And if so, is there a remedy that I can take? A quick back-on-your-feet cure-all? sigh