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T-I-I-IME IS NOT ON MY SIDE, NO, IT'S NOT
My mother-in-law fell badly yesterday, the 2nd time it's happened. The first was 2 Christmases ago, right as we arrived to celebrate her birthday with dinner, when she slipped on the kitchen rug and fell, hitting her head severely. This time it happened while she was walking to the building where she weaves. She doesn't remember tripping over anything and it wasn't ice or snow at that point, but regardless she fell, hit her head again, and sprained her wrist, lying there on the sidewalk for some time before managing to get up and get to the weavery. She and her husband spent 8 hours in the emergency room, but she was finally let go with painkillers, a bandaged wrist, and a whopping goose-egg of a bump.

Anders' parents are elderly, they're both in their mid-70s and the fact that they are slowing down, getting old and beginning to face the frightening reality of the end of their lives is starting to be too obvious to deny anymore. They are both relatively healthy, and they both keep busy and in motion, even though the pace is decreasing. His parents have been so welcoming and generous and open to me, and to us as a family, that the thought of anything happening to them is as painful as the thought of the inevitability of aging itself. I know that they both probably have plenty of good years ahead, but the relentless march of time makes me sad and nervous.

As hipstomp says: first you kill time, then it kills you.

I'm in denial about that, in a lot of ways. I don't want to think about getting old, losing the older generations, and everything that goes along with it. I'm scared to think of a world without my mother in it, for example. I'm terrified of one without Anders. I know that it's a natural progression, and not really something to get worked up about, especially since, obviously, there is little I can do to stop it. I can't throw myself in front of this advancing train and put up an imperious hand, and shout, "STOP!" Time and age will do that for me.

When I was young, I don't remember ever really thinking about anyone's age, other than maybe the usual sort of childish amazement that my teachers, for example, were ANCIENT (when in fact they were most likely much younger than I am right now). I remember giving my mom shit when she turned 40, and I remember one of the first times I returned to my university campus a few years after I graduated, and after some time spent moseying down the strip, exclaiming, "My god! Everyone here is a BABY."

Now, it sometimes feels that people in their late 20's and 30's are all "my age." Even though I'm sometimes bumped up against the edge of the sobering sense of disbelief that some of my friends are too young to remember things that happened while I was in high school or college, I don't usually have the sensation of feeling that I'm isolated in my age, but that most people I hang out with are, well, my contemporaries. I even, to a certain extent, have that same feeling with my mom, my older relatives, the whole next generation up. Aging means losing them. Losing them means losing part of myself. It means losing my past and not just my future.

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: Mosaic Minds - Defining Moments

More Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: Digital Catharsis goes to Antartica (keep reading down, it just gets better)

Yesterday, at the AWC Meeting, I was surprised and delighted to be gifted with a gorgeous, hand-crafted, beaded microscope-slide brooch made by the enormously talented galestorm. I covet nearly everything she makes and have bought a few of her other pieces of jewelry. I'm flattered and grateful to have such a generous friend.

This is a crazy week, and the crazy snow and wind is not helping. I'm busy nearly every evening, in fact, this is the ONLY evening that I'm home until Sunday. Good thing I can limp around now and don't have to rely on the stupid crutches. Choir tomorrow and then on Thursday I'm going to a buffet dinner party for all (well, many) of the people that used to work at Ericsson with me. Most of them are going to be asking me how my new job is going, and I know a few are going to be disappointed to hear that I'm loving it and won't consider coming to work for them in a few months. :) Heh. Friday night I'm going to a slumber party that I'm not staying overnight for, and Saturday I'm planning to meet up with a bunch of LJ friends and Amerikanskers, and finally get the chance to meet e11en! Fun stuff!
 grateful
mood: grateful
music: Zombies—Time of the Season


Comments

Liz, I'm sorry to hear about Anders' mum. I hope she recovers fully. L-G's mum is 78 this year and we are also very aware of her health and the march of time. It is a worry!

Enjoy your busy week. How did you manage to fill it all up again so quickly. I thought you were going to slow down a bit.

I did! I swear! I was! I don't know what happened. Next week is pretty busy, too. sigh.

Sorry to hear about your mum in law, at that age people start to become brittle but they still have to move around. Sometimes even doing that extra careful causes people to fall. My mom is in her 70's as well but she is still very mobile and she does sports. I hope that she won't have to go through something like that.

Your life is so busy! I think I could fit my life 3 times into yours!

I am glad Anders mum is on the mend and has nothing more serious than a big bump. My mum is in her seventies and is always on the go. I think sometimes she is afraid to slow down in fear that she mind just grind to a halt. Aging is such a weird thing. I think we will always feel like we are in our 20's 30's and that is the shame of it, we are forever young inside, it is our bodies that betray us as they age. A relentless and unwavering journey.
It does scare me and I now realize the importance of taking care of my physical self to help it take care of me later!

I think when you first DO become aware of mortality, especially close to you, it can be frightening. The thing I've noticed is that the older I get, the less scary it becomes. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I'm sorry to hear about her accident, though, and hope she recovers quickly.

she'll be in my prayers! *hugs*

Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. Hope she gets better.

I can't even think about getting old or living in a world without my Dad in it, or not existing myself, it absolutely terrifies me :(

PS. Hope your mother in law gets better soon.

I totally know what you mean (although it's my mom, not my dad)

(Anonymous)

Glad you're able to get around without the crutches now. Just the other day, I noticed while shopping that I automatically go for 'younger' looking clothes. I actually caught myself and thought, "Hmmm, this might be more appropriate for my 14-year-old niece" (given that girls that age dress like 24-year-olds these days). I guess I should get a grip...since bag boys have been referring to me as "ma'am" for decades...ha! Okay, okay, I think about 'real' aging issues, too...but, damn, the clothes... :) ~Marilyn

Happy to hear Anders'mum wasn't seriously hurt & that she's soon feeling better.

Peter's parents are elderly, Farfar 83 & Farmor 77. We both have seen in the past few years, how much they've slowed down.

I'll be reading Mosaic Minds over my moring coffee,

I've been thinking A LOT about ageing. It makes me sad to think I'll have to watch everyone older than me (and some younger) pass away. Some days it really bothers me to point where I wonder how I'll cope when I'm even older. Although I do get the daily pleasure of those vivid memories I wrote about earlier. Perhaps it's God's way of softening the blow.

Aggg...Hope your mother-in-law gets better. If it seems like she is tripping on things easily, it could be a good idea to do a walk-through of their house and take away/replace carpets that flip up easily or even use anti-skid rubber under them.

She sounded pretty good when I talked to her last night, considering. They already replaced several carpets. This one happened outside, and she said there wasn't any "cause," she just fell. :(

I understand your hesitance to accept the inevitability that your time will keep progressing and that, at some point, those who you hold most dear will die. It is a truly humbling thought.

I hope Ander's mother quickly recovers and that moment is still a long way off.

Really you never know. Dirk has a grandmother who is 90 and is mentally so healthy, alert, quick. To think, she has been "old" for 30 to 40 years. Her husband died when she was around 50. This probably seemed to her like the end of her youth and she was confronted with the inevitability of death. However, 40 years later, she's still around and enjoying life.

That was an inspiring thing to hear. Thank you :)

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

haha! you're funny. :)

I know what you mean about losing the older generation, it's completely devasting to think about and of course, I can't think about it for too long with out spirally into a black hole. I used to think about losing my parents when I was a kid and I would end up crying myself to sleep. How is it that we prepare for these times? Or is there no way to really prepare? I also found your reflection on your contemporaries being in their 20's and 30's to be similiar to what I'm experiencing. Especially with my new found friend who was born the same year I went to my first concert, that is freaky, I tell you.

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