lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
zird is the word [userpic]
PINNING THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY
I think I might have broken my social interaction mechanism. Or else I just overdid it and need to sit with it elevated for awhile. I'm discovering more and more that I need more downtime in my life than I tend to allow for. Or else I'm just getting boring old. I suspect part of it is less tolerance for living outside my comfort zone. After 3 evenings of social events in various settings, the following things were once again reinforced for me:
  • Once you stop working with someone, if you have no other common context, the conversation really tends to die after the initial "What's new" part.


  • I do better in smaller groups than larger ones.


  • It's not that I don't respect the fact that you might have a very different opinion of something than I do, and it's not that I am not open-minded or willing to learn new things, but if the opinion you're spouting is drunken, ignorant and/or belligerent, I'm going to tune you out.


  • I'm usually much more content to listen than to talk. I don't have any particular compulsion to insert my opinions or scoff at others out loud. Does this make me apathetic? Wise? Boring?


  • Pubs are not my style, although I'm very grateful for the consideration of certain acquaintances this evening who were kind enough to take their smoke breaks elsewhere than the table.


  • Part of me is simultaneously glad I'm not, and envious of, the kind of person who can sauna for half an hour and then do naked snow angels in the backyard.
e11en! It was so nice to meet you tonight, although way too short.

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: How Normal Becomes Wonderful
(Mom, read this, it sums up perfectly what I think, too)

This Dog, Right Here, Is The Biggest Reason I'm Wanting a Dog These Days: Wee's Beautiful Finnegan Jane
 drained
mood: drained
music: Indigo Girls & Michael Stipe—I'll Give You My Skin


Comments

You have a way of writing things down that I can really imagine it. Maybe you are an introvert person at heart that has one or two ways to fully express herself? I love to listen more than to talk as well but on paper or here on the computer I am much more chatty and extroverted. In groups I can be withdrawn, sometimes social occasions can annoy me and I wonder if I am really boring as well. At other times I have the best time so I am just constantly doubting myself, but I do know FOR SURE, that I will never be able to be around drunks for longer than 1 minute. Phase out, zone out, get out.

It's weird, I seem to vacillate back and forth between being an introvert and an extrovert. I've always seen myself as BOTH, depending on my mood and the day. Sometimes I perfectly comfortable in social situations, other times I wish I was anywhere else. I'm very good at playing extroverted when I need to, though. :)

I hear you. Personally, I'm sure that I'm an introvert by nature, though in certain rare situations, I can be an extrovert. I guess it depends on who is in the social situations. Would you agree that known friends would make you more expressive?

absolutely. :)

(Anonymous)

Welcome to MY world! I'm right there with ya, except I might be about 6 times 'worse.' For me, it's because I no longer drink (so I don't find those who drink to excess even remotely entertaining)...aging (and growing unwilling to put up with jackasses of any stripe)...and becoming more selective as to how I spend my time and who I spend it with (not wanting to 'waste' time on meaningless social butterfly interactions). Needless to say, I spend a lot of time alone...ha! Just wanted to say: I hear you! ~Marilyn

P.S. For me, blogging has become the BEST alternative to those kinds of interactions...it gives me what I want/need socially...without all the annoyances. :)

I'm finding that to be more and more the case, myself. :)

I have trouble being as sociable as I'd like to, too. Especially since I quit drinking. When drunk, I think everything I say is charming and hilarious. Which is why you cannot bear to listen to drunk folks. ;)

Sometimes it depends on the drunk folks. But the majority of them: bleah. I'm glad you've quit drinking, at least if it was to the point of overdoing it. :)

- I'm usually much more content to listen than to talk. I don't have any particular compulsion to insert my opinions or scoff at others out loud. Does this make me apathetic? Wise? Boring?

Not boring :) Wise, because you're content in your own skin. Like you - I do better in small groups, than in a Pub with loud music.

Yes, some of it IS because you are getting old, but do NOT equate old with boring, please. I like to think of it as age and experience making you more selective of certain things, wiser about certain things and a little better able to decide what is really important and what is not. Plus a little less willing to spend your time listening to idiocy coming out of the mouths of people, to whom alcohol has whispered "You are amazingly wonderful and every word out of your mouth is a pearl of wisdom and/or humor."

You are 100% correct. :)

As always :P

This could have been written by me! (though not as well, of course). I find that I've got to the stage where I've had my fill of silly people. I spent many years having to "do the social thing" with my work and be nice to people I wouldn't cross the road to spit at and now I'm done with that and I choose socialising very carefully. I've no need to go out and "meet people" and have an enormous list of aquaintances. I'm happiest with a small group of friends with whom I feel I can connect. I just can't do the fools anymore.

It's not being old or being boring but just reaching a stage where you can be content and know what you like. I need the solid base of calm behind me and I don't have to prove anything. I often wonder if those people obsessively "partying" and letting everyone know about it are in fact still searching for themselves and feeling vulnerable. They can cover that by "wild exploits" and becoming "legends" in a very small pool of people. I feel sad for them.

I know that part of it is just having grown beyond those partying days, not that I was ever much of a partyer, but I honestly don't see the point of it now. Beyond meeting up with a few people whom I find entertaining, when it's my only option for seeing them, I have no real reason to go to such events anymore.

I'm usually much more content to listen than to talk. I don't have any particular compulsion to insert my opinions or scoff at others out loud. Does this make me apathetic? Wise? Boring?

You are WISE! Not boring or apathetic. And man, do I wish I could fleece a little of your wisdom when it comes to refraining from inserting my opinions and scoffing at others' stupidity. It is a gift you've got there. One I am admittedly feel the pain often for not having.

And it's strange. I actually do REALLY well in large groups. I think I feel much safer in large groups. The lack of attachment or loyalty appeals to me in a twisted way. That said, my circle of friends tends to be very small...relatively speaking of course. Here in Sweden it's TEENSY, but back home, a little bigger.

wise schmise. :) Maybe it's just experience. I really do fine in large groups, I'm just not nearly as comfortable, and I find also that I want to be able to listen/partake in ALL the conversations and find myself getting frustrated when I can't.

I love reading your blog. I love when you comment on mine. And it was really really nice to see your actual face last night. I hope the pinning of the social butterfly doesn't mean that I'll see your actual face less often since more would be better.

You're so sweet, Geena. I really enjoy your blog, too, and I hope you and I can see more of each other. It was more because I had SO MUCH this week!! 4 days of things (including choir) is a little much. It's not normally quite that crazy even for me!

Thanks for the link to " How Normal Becomes Wonderful"
It brought me to tears.

I know. Me, too :)

(Anonymous)

"How Normal Becomes Wonderful" is also something I have experienced all those years we lived soooo far away from my parents. And now, so far away from my children.I still have the exact same reactions. I might have cried IF your sister hadn't been standing right behind me...not because I wouldn't want to do so, but because I could feel her support and her representing ALL my children with "Connection". (I would have read this without your note to me, as I almost always really enjoy your picks for "Really Good Writing out there"
As for you being both introvert and extrovert....I can laugh and say, "You're more like your Mother everyday!!!" I really think it's that Leo interfaced with your Virgo ( my Capricorn)- the Leo enjoying the Spotlight, the earth signs enjoying the peace and quiet.
As for learning to discern the people you wish to spend time with while on this earth....at least you have discernment, That is a blessing! And probably one of those things we attain with wisdom. Why waste the time...
Also many people don't like being in large groups of people because they are too sensitive to all the energies. Some people suck other's energy. Many energies are not pleasant to be around, the more empathic people feeling bombarded by what comes across as negativity, They are really helped by using Flower Essences specifically for Aura Strength. Then, one doesn't feel overrun by the energies in a larger group.
Love, Lizardmom

It was great to meet you too!

September 2019
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30

lizardek

lizardek's obiter photos
lizardek's obiter photos

shameless
Feeling generous? Be my guest!





snippet
I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

more
obiter snippets





credits
Layout thanks to dandelion.
Findus the cat as used in my user icon and header is the creation of Sven Nordqvist.