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YESTERDAY'S EYES
I don't think I belong to the cool kids club anymore...not that I ever really did. Or maybe I just don't want to belong. Or maybe I've found a BETTER cool kids club, right here. Yeah, that's it.

As much as I love my job, man, is it kicking my ass. I feel I could work about a week's extra worth of days and still not have cleared all the miscellaneous projects off my to-do list. I am so tired each day from the total concentration I'm exerting for 8 hours, that I feel stretched and beaten with a stick, and I'm not saying any of this in a bad way. It really brings home to me what a difference my prior job was like. I was such a slacker then! It's a little disconcerting, though, to find myself, more and more, doing the happy dance when I have no plans of an evening, when I can relax into a vegetative state, or read, or catch up on LJ (you all write too much) or be silent in the same room as my children so that they forget I'm there and lose their self-consciousness. They're very different when they're not playing to an audience. Hey! Me, too. :P

The equinox draws ever nearer, even here in winter-holdout Sweden. Snow scabs lie tattered and ragged on slopes and in ditches. Floodwater warning signs are popping up everywhere, a sure sign of spring.The Kävlinge river has burst its boundaries and run rampant around Flyinge Kungsgård. Along one gravel country road, small creeks were pouring perpendicular across the roadway, shoving stones out of sideways ruts. The 6-foot deep ditch running parallel to the road was brimful of silvergrey rushing water, just skimming the undersurface of the tiny stone causeways along it. The ancient row of polled willows that are leaning at crazy angles, pushed by years of Scanian wind and watermelt, seem to be bending thirstily to the water; one of them had obviously given up the struggle to stay upright and had launched itself into the drink.

I can't seem to find a narrative thread.

Like that's news.

This is one of my favorite songs of all time, this PP&M classic that I'm listening to. I sing it a lot. My dad loved Peter, Paul & Mary, and lived down the hall from Paul (or was it Peter? No, it was Paul. I think.) when he was at Michigan State. My dad played guitar, and banjo, and loved to sing, too. I grew up listening to them, along with other folk singers, and I have those shiny vinyl memories, still in their dust jackets, sitting silent on the shelf, since I've long since replaced them with CDs. Listening to PP&M's lyrics as a child and a teenager helped form some of my strongest personal philosophies: I can see in myself wings as I feel them, If you see something else, keep your thoughts to yourself, I'll fly free then!

Cracking Me Up: Dixie Cups & Personal Deposits
 tired
mood: tired
music: Peter, Paul & Mary—If I Had Wings


Comments

I wonder how people can do anything after working for 8 hours straight each day. I never did well in a full-time job. Maybe you will be less tired once the spring arrives, although our life doesn't suddenly change then, the season usually brings a lot of energy. I can't promise that I will write less though so you will have less to read here on LJ ;-) nuh huh! I don't know Peter, Paul and Mary, a bit before my time or maybe it was never a big thing here in Holland, anyhow the name rings a slight bell but only slightly.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

I can be vice president of the wornoutbrain club!

You dad lived down the hall from Paul? That's awesome. That tops my claim, that my dad knows Frank Zappa's cousin.

My dad dated Ann-Margaret for 3 months in high school, too. :D He was such a stud when he was young!

(Anonymous)

Your Dad dated someone Elvis dated?! Wow, I'm impressed! (And I don't even like Elvis.)

As for the burnout club... It's been years since I had a job like that, but I say that fondly. I actually LIKE to be super-busy...IF I'm enjoying what I'm doing. It's a whole other thing to be super-busy at a suck-ass job...then the day just DRAAAAAAAGS. But it sounds like you enjoy your job, so I hope it's a 'good' kind of burnout. And that whole I-think-I'll-cut-back-on-socializing thing?...it gets 'worse' with age, trust me. HA! ~Marilyn

I'm beginning to realize that (the aging thing). sigh.

I want to hear that you've climbed into bed early with a good book & you're relaxing with the family, during the weekend.

Maybe the kids could make breakfast & serve it to you in bed :O I know not a relaxing thought, knowing myself, the mess that's made in the kitchen, ... but it's so worth it.

ho ho ho!! no thank you on the breakfast in bed; sleeping in is enough of a treat for me :)

(Anonymous)
you speak my truth

oh, I can so relate--- what IS it right now that makes everything harder and uphill? Is this the Sisyphus season? ~bluepoppy

Re: you speak my truth

I don't know, but at least there isn't any eagle plucking out my liver each day.

I don't know how you fit everything in to your schedule and still leave breathing space for yourself. I think a little Vegemite on toast each morning will give you a boost :)

you may be right. SOMETHING needs to give me a boost!

Oh, Liz - you ARE the cool kids club!

(And I really really really loved that amazing description of the landscape you just stuck into the middle of a ramble as if it were nothing when it really was a really really really amazing bit of writing.)

Geena, I swear, you're swelling my head! :D

The ancient row of polled willows that are leaning at crazy angles, pushed by years of Scanian wind and watermelt, seem to be bending thirstily to the water; one of them had obviously given up the struggle to stay upright and had launched itself into the drink.

LOVED this part! And I can just see it, thanks to your beautiful way with words.

Love PP&M -- Album 1700 is still my favorite, but almost anything they do is wonderful.

I can't seem to find a narrative thread.

That pretty much describes my brain at the moment. ::grin::

Album 1700 is the GREATEST. :)

(Anonymous)

"snow scabs" is THE perfect description. The landscape round these parts looks like its infected with scabies. Not pretty. I've been inspecting every available branch for evidence of buds. Evidence is scarce still, but i reamain hopeful that inded this interminable winter WILL end. At least i've recovered my joie de vivre, so that's something!!!

sending you restorative, restful vibes.... xo Wee

I find myself simultaneously wanting to pick them off Earth's poor battered knuckles and thinking, ew! scabs! :D

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