lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
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As I was walking back to the car after dropping the kids off this morning, I passed a green corner of well-cared for, summer-leafed shrubs. No one was near me, but I could hear a snuffly panting low-voiced hih hih hih. I looked around, a bit perplexed. It was coming from under the shrubs. Perhaps the Toby lookalike that hangs out at the daycare occasionally was huffing up an early-morning hairball? I bent down and looked under the skirts of the shrubbery. 2 pairs of button eyes glanced my way before returning to their amorous activities. Hedgehog Love!

Why can I give up on some books that are really bad after only reading a fifth, but a book that has POTENTIAL to get better keeps me trying and trying, even though I was suspecting it was another candidate for the scrap heap CHAPTERS ago? In this particular case, I keep reading because a friend whose book taste I trust recommended it, but woe is me, please let it get better soon. I wrote whoa there for a moment, before snapping out of it and going back to correct my spelling. A Freudian slip telling me, AS IF I WERE A HORSE, to STOP READING the stupid book already? Hmmm...

California Fevergirl Marilyn has an interesting set of questions about blogging etiquette (amusingly titled Emily Post) today. I also think a lot about the questions she raised and wonder sometimes how I come across on the garbo/whore scale of being too aloof or too stalkeriffic when I'm leaving comments or linking to someone. I read A LOT of blogs, although less now, and much more hurriedly sometimes, than I did before I started my current job, since I have little more than a few snatched moments in any given work day to devote to anything other than work. I comment a lot too, partly because I'm genuinely interested in the friendship-building, interactive give-and-take of online relationships, and partly because I know how I feel when I write something and no one responds.

I admit to playing favorites.

I admit to obsessive checking for comments.

I admit to obsessive checking to see if YOU have updated today. And then wondering if it was something I said. And then wondering if you're okay.

I admit to wondering what is UP with some people.

I admit to occasionally listening a little too long to my 8th-grade brain before properly squashing her.

I admit to being completely floored every. single. time. I find myself on someone else's blogroll/link list. You like me, you really like me!

I admit to not being anywhere as needy or validation-craving in real life as I might come across here. :P

I admit to thinking that I started a few too many paragraphs with I admit just now.

I find the whole blogging thing hilarious and fascinating and trivial and wildly romantic and eye-rollingly stupefying and breathtaking and silly. Rather like the human condition. Hey, wait a minute...DOH!

It seems to me that the basic rules of common courtesy and the oft-forgot Golden Rule apply even more to a milieu where it is so easy to misread tone and/or forget that no one else is privy to the commentary going on in one's head that seems so self-evident when the "Submit Comment" button is pushed.

When someone takes the time to email me, I always respond. I am not always as good about initiating contact via email, however, and I'm ashamed of that slacker tendency of mine, but not enough obviously as the habit still stands. I don't, however, feel the need to respond to every comment I get, although I'm always thrilled to get them. Some comments don't need or warrant a response, but that doesn't mean that I'm ignoring them. I'm right here, in front of my screen, nodding and smiling at you. Shaking my head in commiseration. Wondering. Thinking.

There are other little "rules" of blog etiquette that I subscribe to, but I don't expect others to automatically subscribe to them just because I do. My main supposition about everyone reading this journal, whether or not you're a friend, a frequent conversation-starter, a merciless pun instigator, an occasional drive-by commenter or a lurker who remains faceless and anonymous, is that you, like me, have a life away from your computer, one that pulls you in several different directions, that demands a lot of you in both good ways and bad ways, that is always changing, and that ultimately has top priority.

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: I, by I
mood: contemplative
music: Harry Belafonte—Shake Senora


I personally really enjoy all the links you put up and I enjoy your comments (which I often see at blogs that I go to that I had no idea you went to). I often think of you as a great example of what I should be doing, since I seem to suck at commenting *lol*. Just my take on your stalker rating.

I don't think you suck at commenting. I've noticed you "out there", too. And I always think, "Carrie knows all the cool kids." :)

Thanks! I think my main problem is that I THINK of things to say and once I think them I never actually say them. I have a feeling I'll be commenting a whole lot more this summer. It is going to be soooooo boring not working. Maybe I should be a summer nanny.

Ditto- I am compulsive about checking my friend's list and comments as well. I wrote a really long post the other day and got no comments on it and I was like- hey what did I do?

Did you leave the staff of Mosaic Minds?

No. I'm still the Poetry Section editor. Why?

Just wondered.

I enjoyed this.

Funny how intense this LJ world is. I have been defriended twice, and been hurt both times--what did I do?--

It's like a real friendship. It is a real friendship, but focused and very immediate and intimate, too.

It is awfully intense sometimes. I find I need a mental barrier occasionally, and have to hop up and down on that 8th-grade self who still rears her head when I least expect it. I have done some cutting of my friends list in the past several times, in fact, nearly every time it starts inching toward 100, which it's doing again because there are just too many neat people out there. But I also think that there has to be a certain level of interaction, otherwise why are you here? Why am I there? I don't have as much problem with friend/defriending as I did when I started, but it's still a sensitive subject, for everyone!

I know--sometimes I worry that I've missed an important post and hurt someone by not commenting, but I can't bring myself to cut my list, lest that hurt someone, too.

I worry too much.

Many people refer to their friends list as a Reading List. While I see their point, my focus on LJ is interaction, and that means friendship, not just passive reading. And friendship implies some responsibilities.

The discussion has cropped up frequently in various places about why LJ doesn't change the name from "Friend" to something else less emotionally loaded, but even if it IS a reading list, that's not ALL it is, as you so rightly point out.

While "Reading List" sounds less loaded than "Friends List" I don't think it would address the fact that I (at least) get somewhat emotionally invested in the people whose lives I read daily/weekly/whenever. I have been cut a coupld of times and it's almost as bad as having someone you know stop talking to you for no reason whatsoever. Well, that's probably a bit strong but something kind of like that...

ooh I admitt to everything you just admitted too....


I may not always comment(usually someone has beaten me to what I wanted to say and I don't feel the need to say "ditto" under their comment and force you to open an email for that), but I always read.

I have the "ditto" aversion quite often myself :)

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

That's okay, it can be me! I can belt it out for both of us! :D


Also, I was going to link to your pointy head post the other day because I loved it so much, but then I lost it at the end and it felt silly to link to a great post with a comment by me at the end going "huh? what?" so consider yourself mentally linked TWICE in one week :D

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

I angst over typos, too. Oh, for being able to edit comments! wah! (ps, you made me laugh again)

That is hi-LARIOUS!!!


You are the best commenter in the whole wide, big ol' world, Liz. You deserve better. I'd say my fault lies in using a aggregator, but that's not good enough; I can easily comment. You shame me. I will try better to be a polite blogoperson, because I enjoy everything you write, and much of everything most of everybody else writes.

And because "pet the kitty" releases the 14-year-old boy wedged into the recesses of my brain and I always smile when I see it, holding my tongue.


Damn. Forgot to add "Chuck" to the anonymous comment above with re: to the 14-year-old. Guess I have to get an LJ account.


I use the RSS feed function for many of the blogs/sites I read as well, including yours, since LJ makes it so easy to add them to my friends-list. The link is always included so that I can easily click over and leave a comment :) Easy for me equals more comments for you! :D

blogging is definately interesting. it does weird things to me! like this morning I woke up with an unusual grown on my nose... ;) no but seriously, i feel like a needy 12 year old at times, i'm always checking for comments, i get paranoid that people dont like me because im boring, etc etc. but i still love it!

I know! Me, too. (not the unusual growth on my nose, though. Hee!)

I admit to obsessive checking to see if YOU have updated today. And then wondering if it was something I said. And then wondering if you're okay.

By now you must have figured out that I don't get around here much on the weekends so I assume you don't fret about my lack of entries or comments on the weekend. Days like yesterday, where I took the time to read my friends list, but didn't feel I had the time to comment, are particularly hard for me. That damn dial-up is just too painful and I have to choose, make entry or comment. Then I spend the first hour of my morning on Monday catching up and commenting on things people wrote days ago, hoping they'll still see my comment and not think I'm lame for getting there so late.

Oh, and then, naturally, I have to keep coming back to the days old entries to see, did she see my late comment? Did she comment on my late comment? ;-)

:) I'm commenting on your reply to your late comment :) I know what you mean about weekends, and girl, you MUST get broadband! Dialup is TOO torturous!!

Hi! I made my way here via bezigebij and I identified with this post a lot. :)

Welcome! :)

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lizardek's obiter photos
lizardek's obiter photos

Feeling generous? Be my guest!

I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

obiter snippets

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Findus the cat as used in my user icon and header is the creation of Sven Nordqvist.