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A VACATION IS HAVING NOTHING TO DO AND ALL DAY TO DO IT IN*
I feel like I'm cheating every time I do a photo post instead of writing. And since I did 2 in a row, I definitely have that hands-on-hips, stern-look-over-the-eyeglasses, slight-shaking-of-head thing going on. Any minute now, my mental teacher will wag a warning finger at me as I hang my head in shame. Aja baja, fuskis! as my daughter would say.

Being on vacation at home feels very slothful. Reducing the world's population of flies one THWACK at a time does not make for interesting journal entries, and neither, I am sure, does anyone want to read about my ruthless cleansing of the computer room closets and the map box and the tree's worth of paper containing drawings, scribbles, paintings and artwork that my children have compiled (the 2nd such heap this year). Or the organization of a notebook full of marketing pieces I've done, or cleaning out the fish tank in preparation for fish. In other scintillating newsworthy news, I finally got off my duff and renewed our virus protection program and OY! what a mess our computer was becoming. :( Thank god for Sir Norton and his Shining Steed Anti-Virus!

While cleaning the kid's department this evening, Karin screamed bloody murder and came out to tell me there was a "spider on her underwear." After the initial disbelief on my part, she pulled me behind the door of her room, and pointed dramatically at SHELOB a GIGANTIC SPIDER which was attempting to hide behind a pair of her discarded undies. It had legs as long as mine and bloodthirsty dripping fangs. I kid you not. *shudder* And me without my Great White Hunter home to de-spider us.

S H U D D E R !

I'm really proud that I managed to trap it under a bowl and get it out of the house without losing my shit completely. I did do the augh-SPIDER!-dance a couple of times (and just did it again thinking about it). Normally, I don't mind spiders too much as long as they are 1) out of my sight, 2) not over my head and 3) not as big as a WOLF. A skittering, rabid, ravening WOLF WITH FANGS AND EIGHT LEGS. I just creeped myself out again googling spider pictures trying to find one that matched so I could show you that I am not exaggerating, but I think I will spare both you and posterity and leave the links out.

Keep in mind my children tend to pronounce "th" as "d" when reading this:
Karin: Mama, what does "the" mean?
Liz: *purses lips, thinks for a moment, gives in to impulse* It's a definitive article of grammar indicating that I am referring to a particular object instead of just ANY ONE of that object.
Karin: *mouth drops open, stares*
Anders: *laughing* That was a good definition to give a 6-year-old.
Karin: NO, Mama, what does DUH mean??
Liz: *pauses while lightbulb slowly comes on over head*...OH! Um...it means someone has said something stupid or obvious and I'm telling them so.
Anders & Martin: *giggle madly*

Martin has picked up the habit of turning to me and saying "Mama, that was for you" every time he farts in my vicinity. I have no idea where he got it from. JOHN?? It doesn't help at all that I laugh every time. My dad would be so proud. :P

Somebody's Birthday is Coming Up, Hint Hint Sushi Confections

*Robert Orben
 accomplished
mood: accomplished
music: Allison Krause—Deeper Than Crying


Comments

*sniggles* Poor mommy :>

Thank you so much for sparing me the photographic evidence of that spider. Really, I have enough trouble sleeping nights as it is.

You're welcome :D

Congratulations on dealing with the monster on your own. I have been known to call friends to come over and deal with me huddled and whimpering in the corner and the eigh-leged THING. You're a braver woman! :)

Thank you for not posting photos. I already squicked a few times reading that paragraph of your post. Could NOT have dealt with a pic. *shudder*

Glad you're having such a great time. :) I'm trying not to be too envious. :)

If it had been a cockroach I would have had to call in the neighbors. I used to wake up my roommates to deal with them in Chicago while I gibbered in a corner, so I can relate. THANK all the lords that be there are no cockroaches in Sweden. That alone makes me love this country.


I, being my homehold's great white hunter, was called home from work once to deal with such a fiendish creature.

Tried to brush it off with a boom, but it snatched the broom from my hands, and snapped it in half across three of its knees.

It was a BIG spider.

After spraying it for half an hour with various insecticides, and hurling the empty cans at it head, it eventually succumbed and fell. The resulting force of its fall moving the house two feet closer to the main road, and making one of the rooms a cellar.

Big spiders. They really aren't fun.

Then I went back to work....


homehold being a word like household, used by people torn between saying "My home's great...." or "My household's great...."

~sigh~

I knew what you meant! :D I can't kill them. It took the fly invasion of the century to get me to learn how to swat flies. But with spiders I'd rather get them the hell out of the house. If that was an option with flies, I'd go with it too, but the little bastards won't leave us alone!


Buy lots of geckos.

Let them do the dirty work of eliminating the flies...

...of course you may find you need something then to get rid of geckos, and something to.....it becomes "an old lady swallowed a" situation. :D

I've got one lurking in the toilet you can have. ;-)

I don't need it, as we have window screens to keep out the flies. Really and truly, what purpose does the fly serve in the food chain anymore? Can't we just swat them into extinction? And cockroaches. Did they ever serve a function?

We have window screens, too. But the kids...with the door...and the going in and out and in and out...

OH, you and your kids are always so funny!!

hey, I sent you that song! lol. now musts go listen as well...

Even if I am feeling down; I read your words about something your kids said or did, and I smile. Thanks, Liz, for being such an amazing woman, writer, and mother. You inspire me daily.

Glad I don't have your complex about lj. I'm all about photo-posts, but then, I'm a very visual person. If I haven't posted any images for a while I start getting ancy and think I need to spruce all that text up.

Kid anecdotes cracked me up.

Yah, I know what you mean, but even so, for me, it seems a little too easy. Maybe because I could throw up photos of my kids every day, pretty much :D

Its a big spider year.....lol

Martin Farting....

He did not learn that from me! Maybe you should check with your Great White Hunter... Sounds like some sneaky swedish form of humor...
I wouldnt teach my nephew (or Niece) things like that...

And your laughing is just encouraging mor eof the same. (and yes Dad would be proud, as I am sure Mom is.)

JS


(Anonymous)
Re: Martin Farting....

Absolutely!!!!!! Dad would be SOOOOO proud. And am I glad I can easily claim with complete conviction, that I did not teach him that one!!!!! However I wouldnt put it past John or You Or me inadvertently teaching Anders and then him passing it on to his Son. Of course NOT laughing is not an option either.

You should hear Bryce hollering "YOU WOMAN" at me. ie from Fro zone on the Incredibles. Oh I will be sooooo glad when this has run its course.

Leetle Beeg Seester.

I LOVE your kid stories!

(Anonymous)

Your vacation sounds a lot like mine...minus the kids and the cleaning and the organizing. In other words, just the sloth. No wonder I have a hard time thinking up a post. Thank you for not posting spider photos. After having had a GINORMOUS, HUGE, HAIRY, BIGGER THAN A CARTOON spider crawl around INSIDE MY LEVI'S WHILE I WAS WEARING THEM...well, I think I've had enough spider trauma for one life. I concur: SHUDDER. ~Marilyn

*heebie-jeebies*

I won't tell you what measures I used to decimate a spider recently - but I have a feeling I'll be paying for it in the afterlife! IT WAS A REALLY BIG SPIDER, I swear. You can't quite think logically when you're faced with the biggest spider you've ever seen.

I admire your self -restraint!

And good for you, cleaning out the closets!

your kids crack me up. what fun.

(Anonymous)

O lawd. Your spider story has me remembering one particular spider wrangling session of my own so vividly, that my skin is literally crawling and i am battling back the urgent desire to hop about usefully on one leg waving my hands like flippers whilst (whilst!) squealing like a...um.. girl. Ewwwww! Ick, Ick, Ick!(wrote about it here:http://weeme.diaryland.com/031002_61.html )

Ewwwwww. And also, just so you know, now whenever I fart (not that I ever actually do because that would be just so... inelegant), I will think lovingly of you. :D

xoxoxox Wee

Oh my ever-lovin' god, that story is MINE! It's ours! We wrote the same story! Do you suppose it was the same spider?? Because it sure looks similar. *SHUDDER!!*

Legs as long as yours? They're not very long you know, even on a spider. >;)

Long enough, when there are EIGHT of them!!

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