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ROBBED OF INNOCENCE
I think I just shocked my daughter out of a year's growth. We were getting them ready for bed, and she held her hands up in front of her with her fingers steepled in a praying position and bade me do the same. I dutifully held up my hands and copied her.

"Has your mother ever stolen anything?" she asked.

"No," I answered.

"Okay, now fold down your little fingers," she commanded.

I did.

"Has your father ever stolen anything?" she asked next.

"Um...not that I know of," I answered.

She squinched up her eyes and pursed her lips and said, "Okay, we'll make that a 'no," she decided. "Fold down your ring fingers."

I did, wondering where this was going.

"Have you ever stolen anything?" she asked.

I hesitated. "Yes," I said.

Her eyes flew open and her mouth mirrored them. "Mama!" A pause, while she tried unsuccessfully to take this obviously earth-shaking news in. I stifled a laugh and tried to look solemn. "You did? You STOLE something?!"

I nodded. She looked sternly at me, hands still in half-praying position. "What did you steal?"

"You know the bench in our bedroom?" She nodded. "I stole that," I said. Again with the rounded mouth and the shocked look. "You STOLE that bench?! from a park??"

I nodded again.

"Why did you steal it?" she demanded. "I was young and stupid," I said remorsefully to her disapproving face. "I never did it again."

Another pause while this was digested, then the game recalled itself to her mind.

"Okay, well, anyway, fold down your big fingers."

I did. Then in a rush, she said, "Now what do you have in your hands?...A gun! BANG!" and she pointed her cocked pointer fingers at me and pulled the trigger while I tried vainly to bring my own weapon to bear.

***

Little does she know: I stole two of them at the same time.
 sick
mood: sick
music: Wings—With a Little Luck


Comments

Two benches or two guns???

LOL! 2 benches :D

eeek, you're a thief? no wonder god has struck you with icky throat! :-)
nice bench though. where's the other one?

rotting in my mom's garden :) Maybe I'll post pictures of the detail painting I did on this one.

hmm, you stole a bench?! hehe, now of all the things ive heard of people stealing, a bench is probably the most unique! *looks down shamefully* i kinda stole a book once. i bought a whole pile of photo books from B&N and for some reason the guy didnt charge me for one of them. I noticed when I was out in the parking lot looking at the receipt. I didnt go back inside and pay for it.

Photo books are damned expensive. :P

I stole candy once, too, when I was even younger (the benches were in college), but I was so wracked with guilt over it that I never did it again. :)

I took the benches home and painted them. My mom has one in her garden, although she might have pitched it by now, since it was on its last legs.

Oh dear. I fear more for my siblings sakes than for my own but when our children get to be old enough to be getting into trouble, we are not the most upstanding group. Honesty isn't always easy. Good for you!

I had this split second of horror thinking is it better to LIE? or tell the truth??! :D I really dislike lying, so there you go. :)

hee hee
when she's older, she may remember this fondly~
i think you're a cool mom~
*love*

Stop bench-thief!!


BANG! :P

You got me! *does dramatic stage death, sinks slowly to the floor*

You sinner! Mind you, I can't talk, I used to frequently steal magazines (that I was half way through reading) from waiting rooms....

(Anonymous)
secrets coming out

hey! at least you didn't tell her how drunk you were when you stole it! *smile*

Re: secrets coming out

That's the thing, I wasn't drunk at all, although I WAS at a party with a lot of other drunken people. I've never been drunk, so I don't even have that as an excuse!

(Anonymous)

LIZ! oh my god, the horror, the horror! All my illusions about you are now completely destroyed! I'm all distraught and stuff. This is worse than when i found out Santa wasn't real. I'm not sure I'll ever recover or be able to visit this site in good conscience again.

Fortunately, II'm not sure I ever visited this site in good conscience before. :D

xo Wee

P.S. I once stole a Three Musketeers Bar. but I didn't enjoy it. I really wanted a Snickers. Also, I once lifted a old copy of Communication Arts from a government office. But I rather think of that as having "liberated" it, removed it to a better home.

hahah! I stole candy once from a 7-11 when I was even younger, but was so wracked with guilt afterwards that I never did it again. :)

(Anonymous)

Thank god I don't have children... :) ~Marilyn

Just this morning I was thinking about how our children call us to task in our lives the way no one and nothing else can. What a poignant moment.

What about the benches made you want to steal them? Did they hold some special importance to you or were they particularly interesting or beautiful? Or was it about proving that you could be rebellious and young?

I have a special fondness for park benches and would love to see a photo of "yours".

In the bathroom, eh? Are they plastic? Is you bathroom very large?

I wanted them for our dorm room, because all we had to sit on were beanbags. I'll take better photos as soon as I have a chance.

Oh, and it's in the bedroom, not the bathroom. The other one is rotting in my mom's garden :)

(Anonymous)

wow she has me in amazement that little angle face making guns :)
Children they are amazing.

Obviously this game teaches us that if we have thus far been unsuccessful in stealing things, what we NEED is a GUN. The ohter night we played Scattergories and the letter was H and the list asked for "phrase associated with money" Kelly wrote hedge fund. Dawn wrote high yeild stocks. Ted wrote hard cash. I had hold-up, as in, I'm robbing this bank cuz I need some money. I think this speaks volumes about my finances.

Anyway, how did you steal TWO benches? How big are these benches?

LOL! I haven't played Scattergories in ages. Must remedy that immediately.

I was at a college party out by the tracks one wild and windy night. There were 2 lonely benches, no sign of an owner and one of my dormmates had a pickup. They're regular-sized park benches. One is in my bedroom, one is rotting in my mom's garden.

You shouldn't have told me you had a pick up. Now I am less impressed. Next time, mention how you carried one in each arm while running through a crowded campus, which was so crowded you actually hit someone with a bench, and they got a concussion, and then you had to run from the police, too. With benches. Ha!

I, er, carried one under each arm, while, um, in the BACK of the pickup! Yeah! That's it. :P Did I mention I also made some of the guys on my brother floor do the actual pilfering and loading of the benches into the pick up and up the back stairs into our dorm room? :D

I am shocked. Shaw-ocked, my sweet, lovely lizardek, stealing benches?

We won't talk about how many library books I've never taken back. Okay, there's at least three.

And I think you did just right in telling Karin the truth. But I swear I just don't get that game with the fingers. I just tried to do it and I can't fold down my pinkies.

That was the thing...it was between lying, which I abhor or confessing to something I also think is wrong :)

Oh those moments when we hang in the balance with our children. I'm sure she'll notice that you don't steal now...
Having had a wild and woolly streak of time in my teens, I have confessed many a tawdry moment to my kidlets. There was this standard phrase that one of my sweet daughters' would throw back at me when I professed worry over her teenage activities and whereabouts:
Mo~m [you know the way they can draw that word mom out] I'm not going to do what you did.

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