lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
zird is the word [userpic]
BETTER TO LIGHT ONE SMALL CANDLE
It's not exactly light when we leave the house in the mornings now, but it's definitely dark when I'm coming home. After a month of sunny autumn beauty, fall is sliding into winter in real-time. When the skies are clear at night, they look like black, black velvet, diamond-studded and pure, another world high overhead. When they're overcast, the darkness is impenetrable; coming down around on all sides, a blanket fort. A grey heron flies across the road, his kink-necked, sword-billed head ridiculously far from his feet. The trees have dropped their summer pants, they look silly and half-dressed. The birches have no shame, they're already stripped down and waving their bare arms overhead. The blood beech has turned over a new leaf: from ruby-black-red to a run-of-the-mill orangey-green. You can practically see the chlorophyll slurping back up into the branches, sucked through the straw of winter.

I've discovered over the years that the best way for me to deal with the darkness is to look beyond it. In about 2 months the worst will be over and the light will be increasing again. I can make it. I spend an awful lot of time these days brooding about mortality and inevitable aging, and the dark doesn't help. It's too conducive to brooding. The problem with looking beyond the darkness is that I'm unconsciously speeding through the time that I have. Do you see the problem? I tend to do the same thing at work and with my calendar-scheduling at home as well. I'm always looking ahead to what's coming up and forgetting to live in the now. This leads to a lot of "Good lord, it's Christmas again ALREADY??"-type exclamations. Or maybe time really DOES speed up as you age. Either way, it's a good thing I have choir and singing to distract me because it leads me back to myself, and further back too, sometimes.

We're singing Christmas songs at choir practice, several in English. Eva keeps asking me to read lyrics aloud so that everyone can hear how to pronounce things correctly. I think about all the different versions of White Christmas I have sung in my life, while I'm adding the newest one to my repetoire. 6 concerts are already planned for the end of November and beginning of December. I've pestered her thoroughly to add my favorite modern Christmas song to the program, and she's promised to look at it again, so hopefully we'll be singing it next week. I haven't sung it with a choir since I was 17. Humming it to myself in the stairwell and belting it out in the car, my eyes are blind to my surroundings; they're back in 1982 re-living good times with my extracurricular choir. There, Darkness, take that!

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: It Was Wicked

Cake-filled, Candle-Blowing, Present-Wrapped Birthday Wishes to vember!
 okay
mood: okay
music: Crowded House—Hey Now Hey Now


Comments

Whatever you're singing sounds yummy *slobberslobberslobber*... any chance of getting those scores from you?

sure :) I just need to remember to copy them. Will try to do it this week.

(Anonymous)

So..what is your favorite modern Christmas song?
Thanks for the link about Halloween. Made me realize how much I miss having the little kids coming to the door- about the only minus I can think of for living in the country. Guess I'll have to plan to visit my other daughter for that fix!
Brooding about the future just so isn't worth it. There's wonder around every corner when you open your eyes, as you so well describe the sights you do see. Concentrate on the now and enjoy. Love, Lizardmom

(Anonymous)

Ok so you both miss Halloween and want Martin and Karin to experience it for real in America!!! I say you both come here for next year!!! We had lots of kids even though it was 40 and pouring rain!!! and we had a blast!! Rachel and Bryce had fun and got lots of loot!

Love Beeg Leetle Seester.

*sob* I really want to!! But with John's wedding and our planned trip to Scotland, it doesn't seem very possible at the moment.

It's Were You There on That Christmas Night?. My favorite classic Christmas song is O Come All Ye Faithful :)

I suffer from the same speeding ahead disorder, if it is indeed a disorder ... I can see Christmas ahead and in a way I rush along to it, forgetting to enjoy the steps along the way :)

(Anonymous)

I hope the winter won't bother you to much. -Alex

Me, too! If it's just rain and rain and drizzle and gray, it will totally suck. But if we get what I call a "Michigan Winter" and have sunshine and snow, it will be okay :)

what's the song? :-)

Were You There on That Christmas Night? is the name of it. :)

The days are shrinking here too. Dark when I leave, dark when I come home.
Somehow it's not bothering me as much this year. Could be because I'm so busy and happy. Could be because the dark isn't coupled with endless drizzle.

Time does go faster as we get older. Maybe this has to do with our point of reference, or something...

Yeppers, another time goes faster as you age vote here. Listen again to "The Circle Game", Joni Mitchell, although dragging your feet doesn't help slow things down.

I sort of like the darkness although it can make me entirely too sleepy. It's especially nice when the advent candles are in all the windows. I think it's a combination of the weather as well. If it's really cold with lots of snow I love it. If it's slushy and rainy, it bites.

I've worked really hard on not wishing time away even in the winter. For me, just spending time outside during the little bit of light that we have seems to work in liking it a little bit more. I feel that stressing too much over things to do in the future or waiting for it to come makes me lose sight of what's enjoyable about now. Gads I'd be one year older every 6 months if I only could enjoy life without snow. Like I need to exponentiate my age. There's too much to do yet.

I agree! And too much to read! :D

Oh the brooding about mortality. Who does not do it? But maybe we need to embrace the darkness (hard at this time of year, I know, I was about to post my own rant about the early darkness) instead of just living until it is over. That's what I always say to people who complain about the snow in winter - just learn to love it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes! Somehow I missed them, but that all works out well because then I get to spread out the birthday joy :) Have fun with your choir! Ah, music therapy.

"about mortality and inevitable aging"

Oh yes, J.. who returned this week from visiting her eighties something parents in hurricane swept Florida just had a conversation with me about this topic and how we damn well better get settled into interests and activities now that can carry us through our aging... images of sitting in front of huge TVs and inactivity... while friends die off ... not a very inviting or interesting way to resolve ones life...

And I do agree that life speeds by as one ages. My theory, a year is a smaller percentage of a fifty year old's life than it is of a ten year old's.

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