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NO PREACHING, JUST PRACTICING
A lot of what's been on my mind lately has been work-related and not in a good way, and since I won't talk about work here, I feel like my not being able to talk about work here has been sort of blocking my being able to talk about ANYTHING here.

I could lock up the post, I suppose, and get it out, but to be honest, I'm still chewing several things over in my head, and I don't really want or need advice, because it's not that kind of thing, it's more general observations and a bit of discomfort and some sadness that people don't always behave in the ways one expects or in the ways one believes are RIGHT.*

It's not so much that I hold everyone to my own standards, except that you know...I DO. I DO hold them to my own standards. That might sound very snobby but whose standards am I supposed to hold them to if not my own? I'm always surprised when people don't live up to my standards. Aren't you? Oh, I don't mean everyone. And I don't mean all the time. In fact, not even I live up to my own standards (which in some ways constantly surprises me and in other ways doesn't surprise me at all).

I guess most of the time people just go along, bumping into each other and interacting, and socializing and doing the things people do and I never think about what my standards are until someone does something I WOULDN'T DO. And I don't mean things like "get drunk" or "eat black-eyed peas" even though those are things I wouldn't do. It's not that kind of "wouldn't do."

Perhaps you might think, from reading this, that I consider my standards to be higher or better than everyone else's but that's not at all the case. They are just MINE. And I, like everyone else, make judgements about other people based on where they land on my standards ladder. And I'm always saddened and disappointed when someone I assumed met my standards, whether I know them well or not, does something that shows they don't. Most of the time I can just shrug and shake my head, or roll my eyes, and move on, but other times it really bothers me, and it bothers me more because it's such a futile thing to bother about. Thus, the not being able to writ...oh. Never mind.

I need a 24-hour nap. I need a full body massage. I need a housekeeper and a personal assistant and another couple of months before Christmas. None of which I'm going to get. If I ran the world things would be different around here. :P

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: iWonder

*There are some of you who might think this post is directed at you, but it's not. It has been brought to you solely by things that have happened in my real life by people in no way whatsoever connected with this journal.
 moody
mood: moody
music: Prokofiev—Classical Symphony #1 in D Allegro


Comments

I wrestle with the whole standards thing from time to time because I've been told that my sense of ethics gives me the appearance, to those who interact with me in Real Life, of being someone who looks down on others who don't meet my high expectations. This, in turn, makes me seem elitist and snobbish and makes others feel unworthy. I've even been called intimidating.

But then, in my head, it's more a case of me observing, sorting things out, matching my ideals against the compromises that are necessary if one is going to live in the real world. Perhaps this is judging, but it doesn't necessarily follow that the thing I'm considering is "judged wanting". Then some lingering shyness holds me back from translating the thing I'm thinking about into speech. So it all builds from a perfectly innocent platform, yet gives the impression of being anything but.

(And thus I quite identify with the interpretation of Darcy at the beginning section of Pride & Prejudice as being a little misjudged - it's a kind of shyness that holds him back where others have no fear to go. But that shyness, mingled with a tendency to want the world to work a certain way, adds up to make him have the appearance being of a haughty, pride-filled jerk when in fact he's just a bit bewildered and feeling unsure of himself in certain social situations.)

I feel somewhat the same way...having also been told that I think I'm better than others when in fact it's the farthest thing from my mind. I like how you put it in your 2nd paragraph, that is exactly it!

(Anonymous)
I get you baby

hope you can let it roll--- all you cand o is focus on your own behavior-- let the behavior of others roll off you.

and it's a good thing youdon't hold others to your standards cause oh baby, would I fall short! *smile*

~bluepoppy

Re: I get you baby

Highly doubtful, my dear. :)

I need a 24-hour nap. I need a full body massage. I need a cleaning lady and a personal assistant and another couple of months before Christmas. None of which I'm going to get. If I ran the world things would be different around here. :P

Me too! Me too! And can you throw in a cook? Thanks, that would be great.

And some other day, when my brain is turned on, I could comment on the other stuff. But not today.

Maybe a housekeeper, a cook, a nanny, AND a groundskeeper! :)

(Anonymous)

AND....the big stuff is that we are supposed to learn to not judge in this world. A bit tough, that rule! But after a long time, I now find it easier to let others slip by, with a "Ohhhh, well....." But of course, that's easier in my life without work, bosses, underlings, spouses, etc. to disappoint, anger, or whatever me. "Water off a ducks back" - that's the way to treat what comes your way via the judgement ladder. Work towards it, life is easier. :)
Love, Lizardmom

Are you talking about "Judge not, lest ye be judged" ?? Because if so, I think more people SHOULD judge themselves. Perhaps if they did, they would behave better.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  

Thank you! I understand totally and no, you are not snobby. I think everyone with moral and ethical standards questions the actions of dubious people. It's the dubious people who don't since they don't have any standards! If they did, they wouldn't act like knobs! Lately I've been seeing things that just makes me want to climb up to the top of the Empire State Building and scream, "What is wrong with you people?!".

Me, too. Unfortunately, I suspect if I did, it would just make things worse for the particular situation I'm not talking about.

Assuming the best out of people all of the time, it's always a disappointment to me to find a fatal flaw so to speak in someone I thought was modeled after my crack-free self. For me, it takes time to sort it all out sometimes, while other times I'm left with a feeling that there is no good way to work around it so I distance myself either mentally or physically. Good luck with muddling through it all. I guess we all find personal solutions which work for us.

If you decide to run the world I'd like a 24-hour nap, several full body massages, a personal assistant, a cleaning lady, and another couple months till Christmas too. I'm putting in my order ahead of time just in case.

I do the same thing: muddle through and sort it out somehow. And your order is noted, just in case :P

I don´t know you very well, but the times that we have spoken (when I was working at your company), you always had time for a quick chat with me, and you won´t believe what a difference it made to me that you didn´t look down on me because of the job I was doing there. (I was a cleaner at the office, and I looked down on myself because I couldn´t find a better job). I could see that you were busy, so I tried never to take up too much of your time. What I am trying to say is that I think you are far snobby, you come across as having a heart of gold, and your words of encouragement pushed me on to make my life work here in Sweden.

We all need to let off steam once in awhile, there would be something strange with us if our lives were picture perfect and everything always went according to plan. I suggest you create yourself another account where you can scream, vent, and say what you want without anyone knowing who you are.

I am still available for the PA job!! *** hehehe *** HUGS! I hope you get your full body massage and a really good nap.

I wish I COULD hire you as my PA, Jacqui, I feel certain you'd be marvelous at it! As for looking down on someone because of the job they are doing, I am truly boggled that ANYONE could do so, especially knowing how physically demanding and mentally draining a job as a cleaner often is, AND admiring you (and others I know) who do not let their circumstances get them down or stop them from forging ahead with their lives. You can be PROUD of that job and the fact that you had it. I think that is MUCH better than not taking such a job because you think it's beneath you so something. We all have to make sacrifices in our lives at some point, and I think you can learn just as much from those experiences that weren't what you were hoping for or wanting as much as from the ones that were. I'm not sure I made any sense just now, but hopefully you got the gist of it. I miss seeing your smiling face around the office :)

As for getting another account, naaaah...that's just not me. ;) I can't keep up with my online life as it is, plus I so rarely feel the need to blow off steam in a forum like this that it wouldn't be worth it.

Are we twins?

Probably not, you're a much, much better writer than I am.

sometimes people do things that just completely boggle my mind. believe it or not but my studies have actually helped me understand this better and not to get so upset when someone does something a bit boggling. (unfortunately it doesnt always work out that way, some people are just plain weird i tell ya!)haha..did that make sense? im sure you get me.. anyways, i hope it gets resolved :) *hug*

I hope it does, too. Thanks :)

(Anonymous)

Yes yes! Exactly what are we supposed to hold people to if not our own standards? ;) And I love how 'get drunk' and 'eat black eyed peas' are in the same line. It would be hilarious if they were judged equally.

~ Samiam

You mean where you come from, they're not?? :P

(Anonymous)

girl you spoke wise words. I feel as you do. whose standards do we hold? How are we supposed to live if without any standards. So we must hold people to our rediculous or not rediculous standards and beaware that standards are expectations and that expectations will lead at times if not always to disapointment. Do we lower our standards wipe away expectations...I can't see the point of that either. So it is a rocky road we travel...All my best -Alex

"If I ran the world things would be different around here."

Hopefully whoever is the whoever you aren't speaking about was just having a bad day, and a slip up, because of course everyone should aspire to you standards! I certainly do! LOL

But seriously: "whose standards am I supposed to hold them to if not my own?"
I'm with ya on this one honey. Oh yeah, and on the full body massage too.

I'm so sorry to hear you've had a bit of stress at work - I hope it resolves itself soon or you find a forum that's safe enough to vent in.

Oh, and I aspire to live to your standards too as well as my own - obviously I haven't done so well recently but I will back on track soon! :)

You shouldn't be aspiring to MY standards, you should be aspiring to your own!! Mine wouldn't work for anyone else, I suspect :) And the stress at work isn't really directed at me, exactly, it's more indirect than that, but not-so-nice regardless.

Wonderful post, Liz.
I think we have every right to view the world from out our own vantage point and standards because, as you say, by what other standard are we equipped to view it.

What I struggle with, as I suspect you too, is not wanting to change all the wrongs or inadequacies that I witness. I might judge and determine that I don't agree with something but this does not always mean that I can or SHOULD change it.

Last year I voiced my opinions at work a lot and alienated myself from my colleagues. This year I have been an observer. Oh, I have just as many opinions but I don't express them. And crazy enough, I feel like I am in a better postion to institute change because of this.

Not sure if this completely relevant to what you are dealing with, but just some thoughts...

Also, one of the things I really like about your journal is that you are careful not to rant or vent too much in a specific manner about the people in your life. You respect people. This is a great standard.

Thanks for the affirmation, Carrie. It's true that usually at work I am an observer and not a voicer of opinions (except in certain circumstances)...but I've really been struggling with a specific situation in which I feel someone is being treated very unfairly and knowing that whatever I say won't help, and in fact, might make things worse. :(

I agree with you. We all have our standards and priorities. And some of my own standards are higher than those I hold for others. I am the first to criticize soemthing less then perfectly cleaned in my house but wil overlook it in a friend's home, etc.

My new thing is the realization that I am an example for my child and she copies so much of what I do. I watch what I say and how I say it. Not cussing - but even goodhearted "booing" of a rival company's vehicle. I stopped immediately- I don't want her to do that- even if it was in fun (as it was in my case.)

Being an example and role model for my child makes me try to hold my standards even higher. And when I don't meet or exceed them- a disappointment.

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