zird is the word (lizardek) wrote,
zird is the word
lizardek

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MENTAL PARENTAL

Life is heating up, along with the earth, which is, although it may not SEEM like it, moving down the orbital arc towards spring. Choir started tonight with a bang. We've already got a schedule of concerts through to August, with 3 major programs, including a tour show of the Spanish theater/dance/song/music extravaganza (Sangria!) we put on in 2004. Wheee!! We worked through a couple of our favorites from Sangria, and then started the first song from Stabat Mater, which nearly all the Swedes have sung before and knew, but I've never even heard of. Which is a bit strange, since after googling it, I discovered that there are apparently more than 211 different versions of it out there! Where have I been? Not in church, obviously.

I have so many things zooming around inside my brain right now, it's like some sort of maniac pinball machine in there, on permanent TILT! Bumpers are dinging and lights are flashing and I'm madly flipping the flippers and the ball is zinging back annd forth and back and forth and up and down until I can't even see it anymore, it's just a shiny silver blur. And so many of the things zooming around inside my brain are OTHER PEOPLE'S! Your new house, your rocky relationship, your pregnancy, your new baby, your sick baby, your toddler, your teenager, your grown children, your loneliness, your tattered marriage, your wedding plans, your bravery, your artistic endeavours, your fantastic MLK collage that I still can't get out of my head, your wishes for your life, your recent move, your new job, your bad job, your joblessness, your disappearance from LJ, your new love, your vacation plans, and oh so many, many other things. It's EXHAUSTING! :P

I worked myself up into some absolute mindbending heart palpitations today. I don't know why I do this, it makes me crazy and scares me. Martin started swimming today with his class. They bussed half an hour to Eslöv, were in the pool for half an hour and then bussed back to school. The last time he had any structured pool time was when he was 3 months old and Anders took him to babyswim regularly (we have a great photo of him underwater). Since then, we simply haven't had time, haven't managed, or haven't prioritized swimming lessons even though we both think it's important to know how to swim. I refuse to get into a bathing suit right now, and plus water falls under Anders' parental jurisdiction, but it's one of those get-around-to-it things, you know. ANYWAY, I kept imagining that the school was going to call me and tell me that he had DROWNED during class, and I couldn't stop myself from imagining the whole scenario quite thoroughly and nearly burst into tears and had to pull over on the way home to slap myself out of it. GEEZ!!! Am I the only mental parental mindgame freak out there or is this something all parents go through?!

He had a ball at swim class, and was so proud and excited and happy, and my heart finally returned to normal speed after he told me all about it, and demonstrated on the kitchen floor how to do the breaststroke and scissorkick. He was like a happy little pollywog sprattling around on the floor, and I am a mental parental mindgame freak. sigh

A Big Round of Applause and Birthday Wishes to somebodystrange!
Tags: beinglizardek, martinbean
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