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Life is heating up, along with the earth, which is, although it may not SEEM like it, moving down the orbital arc towards spring. Choir started tonight with a bang. We've already got a schedule of concerts through to August, with 3 major programs, including a tour show of the Spanish theater/dance/song/music extravaganza (Sangria!) we put on in 2004. Wheee!! We worked through a couple of our favorites from Sangria, and then started the first song from Stabat Mater, which nearly all the Swedes have sung before and knew, but I've never even heard of. Which is a bit strange, since after googling it, I discovered that there are apparently more than 211 different versions of it out there! Where have I been? Not in church, obviously.

I have so many things zooming around inside my brain right now, it's like some sort of maniac pinball machine in there, on permanent TILT! Bumpers are dinging and lights are flashing and I'm madly flipping the flippers and the ball is zinging back annd forth and back and forth and up and down until I can't even see it anymore, it's just a shiny silver blur. And so many of the things zooming around inside my brain are OTHER PEOPLE'S! Your new house, your rocky relationship, your pregnancy, your new baby, your sick baby, your toddler, your teenager, your grown children, your loneliness, your tattered marriage, your wedding plans, your bravery, your artistic endeavours, your fantastic MLK collage that I still can't get out of my head, your wishes for your life, your recent move, your new job, your bad job, your joblessness, your disappearance from LJ, your new love, your vacation plans, and oh so many, many other things. It's EXHAUSTING! :P

I worked myself up into some absolute mindbending heart palpitations today. I don't know why I do this, it makes me crazy and scares me. Martin started swimming today with his class. They bussed half an hour to Eslöv, were in the pool for half an hour and then bussed back to school. The last time he had any structured pool time was when he was 3 months old and Anders took him to babyswim regularly (we have a great photo of him underwater). Since then, we simply haven't had time, haven't managed, or haven't prioritized swimming lessons even though we both think it's important to know how to swim. I refuse to get into a bathing suit right now, and plus water falls under Anders' parental jurisdiction, but it's one of those get-around-to-it things, you know. ANYWAY, I kept imagining that the school was going to call me and tell me that he had DROWNED during class, and I couldn't stop myself from imagining the whole scenario quite thoroughly and nearly burst into tears and had to pull over on the way home to slap myself out of it. GEEZ!!! Am I the only mental parental mindgame freak out there or is this something all parents go through?!

He had a ball at swim class, and was so proud and excited and happy, and my heart finally returned to normal speed after he told me all about it, and demonstrated on the kitchen floor how to do the breaststroke and scissorkick. He was like a happy little pollywog sprattling around on the floor, and I am a mental parental mindgame freak. sigh

A Big Round of Applause and Birthday Wishes to somebodystrange!
mood: weird
music: John Denver—Follow Me


I'm the same way about my kids (Lydia, especially, since she's the only one who really goes anywhere without us). I wish I could stop, because it's exhausting and upsetting.

If you figure out a cure, be sure and let me in on it.

It makes me feel like my mind is just a hamster on a wheel. An evil wheel.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

You got it in one. Her name is Christina Rosalie and she's amazing, and not just with her artwork. And the rest of your comment was not at all comforting, although I suppose there's some comfort to be found here in the comments section in the fact that I am obviously far from alone.

Well...I don't have children but I do get "all worked up" imagining all sorts of horrors regarding my birds. Probably a sign that I would be totally wacked if I did have a child lol. Glad he made it through swim class ok :) wait until he starts to drive.

I'm not allowing him to drive. Or take the bus. Or partake in Xtreme sports. Or leave the house again.


So glad that MArtin loved the swim class. You should remind him that he comes by it naturally, since his grandfather was a top swimmer in school and also his Grandma was the co-captain of her high school swim team! GO Martin! Love, Lizardmom

I will definitely do that...after he's mastered putting his head underwater, maybe! :D

I get all worked up like that when I think about what would happen if Rob died, and then I start thinking about what WILL happen some day when one of us outlives the other. So I think I can imagine a little what it's like to get worked up about fears for your child's safety. It's hard to stop the runaway imagination sometimes. I have taken to calling those thoughts "bad daydreams", which isn't very descriptive but it gives them a category to live in in my paradigm. (big word)

GLAD to hear that Martin enjoyed swimming so much! I can just imagine a little guy scooting around on the kitchen floor, demonstrating his moves to you! :)

I do the same thing with Anders. It freaks me out completely. He HATES when I do that, so I have to keep it to myself. Whenever he's late home from somewhere when I was expecting him earlier, I have to almost physically restrain myself from calling hospitals and the police.

My minds plays the mindgame thing on Daniel. I find myself bursting into tears when I imagine the entire scenario of when someone calls to tell me that my husband has fallen from a 7 floor building or something like as horrendous as that. A persons imagination can sometimes be their worst enemy.

Me, too!! I'm glad I'm not alone!

I can definitely relate! I used to go on as many of the fieldtrips with my girls as I could, because I couldn't stand driving myself insane with all the scenarios my evil imagination could think up...The worst were the whale watching fieldtrips, because I get horribly seasick. I made their father go with them - but I knew he was so easily distracted, that I think I worried even more! Somehow, they escaped all the calamities I could think up (& actually came up with a couple that I didn't think of) - but they've survived to adulthood, despite their mother's insanity!

I guess it's worse because I CAN'T go with them everywhere, and I hate the feeling that something could happen to one of them because of someone ELSE's carelessness or stupidity.

That IS so hard to get through :>( I know I hated it the times I couldn't go with mine.
I think my "worst case scenario day-mares" (I think someone else here used that term) are a type of "reverse magical thinking" - I believe my unconscious reasoning may go something like this:
"When I daydream about winning the lottery or meeting (insert celebrity flavor of the month), THAT doesn't ever happen! So if I think of the very worst thing that can go wrong, then that won't happen either!"
But that's just me - I'm kind of wired weird...

Just like thistimearound, after 21+ years it doesn't get any better. And now my first baby is planning on getting married so there might be grandbabies to worry about, eventually.

It has spread itself to my step-son, as well, especially when he is out with our car!

Oh yes! The kids out in the car! I remember it well, especially with my son. In my country you get your licence when you are 16, and that is not the most stable time in a young boy's life. I worried constantly about it.

Liz, you never stop worrying!

Thanks so much. You're a real comfort...NOT!

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

I just have to say, love the icon!

This entry really hit home to me too.

When we get these letters home that your child is going to (insert current trip/event/field trip) my mind becomes all twisted.
"is there enough adults/grown ups/eyes there to make sure their all safe?"

Just the other day, Peter's parents phoned 4 times last Sunday, to see if he was on the road or made it home.... their both 84 & 75.

LOL! Anders' mom frequently calls when she knows Anders is traveling to find out if I've heard from him; she's 78. I guess it's true, it NEVER goes away!

Can you imagine how hard I had to work not to get all freaked out this summer when Ingrid (who was almost, but not yet, four years old) got in a van at daycare (in her new, big girl booster seat which I couldn't install) and was driven ON THE HIGHWAY to swimming lessons and back for seven weeks while I was hugely pregnant and expecting lillebror anyday? [He arrived the day before the last class]

And thanks for thinking of us! He cries now, must go.

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