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Did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Did you know what you wanted to do with your life?

Did you have a plan?

Have you followed it or has it veered unexpectedly?

I never did. I still don't.

It's not that I don't like who and where I am, but these days I feel I have lost a way I never knew I was on. Or else I'm veering.*

Which way is the real question, though. Which way?

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: On End

*or else I'm tired.
mood: tired
music: Andreas Johnson—Sing For Me


but these days I feel I have lost a way I never knew I was on. Or else I'm veering.

...if you're veering, I'm in an out-of-control aquaplane.


Thank you for the hugs, I need all I can get :)

Of course I wanted to be a MOM and bake peanut butter cookies to give to my DAD when he got home from work. After that, I wanted to be a teacher.
Eventually I realized I was a dreamer.
I never did come to terms with what would have been wise in a culture such as ours. Not even soon enough to coach my daughters and my son into thinking about what would serve them well in terms of stability, practical happiness and self care. Instead I encouraged them to dream. And to wonder about their passions.
I am seeing now that doesn't pay for the dentist. It took me a long time to get it.
In my life I had a debilitating disease that converged with a divorce and a hostile ex. In my naiveté I failed practical application to joining my generation (an old pepsi ad jingle) and am noticing that it takes more of my creative juice to access resources for comfort and quality of life than I can currently come to terms with.
Maybe I am tired too.
Maybe I should have had a plan.
Maybe everything is perfect.

You have a life and a philosophy I envy in many ways, you know. Perhaps it's because I am NOT a dreamer, at least not a dreamer like you. I often wish I was more of one.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

I know I am, you are right, and I'm SICK OF IT. Does it end? The pangs of middle age, I mean? Do they come to stay or to pass? I really hope they've come to PASS.

Did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Not only did I not know, I wouldn't have been able to correctly say what I became because my job did not exist until the mid-90's. If I had told someone I wanted to be a web developer back when I was in elementary schoo,l they would have looked at me cock-eyed and asked "Does that have something to do with spiders?"

Heh. I know what you mean. I couldn't have done the job I am doing now either...even if I could have been a designer of sorts, it would have been TOTALLY different. The computer made the job I love doing possible.

I am a rock gathering moss, one day on this hillside I shall stop. There is no plan to such a rolling journey.


Did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?
Yes, first a veterinarian, then a musician, then a writer.

Did you know what you wanted to do with your life?
Not so much. Play all day, be madly in love. That’s about all I knew.

Did you have a plan?
Um, not really.

* * *

I doubt you’ve lost your way. You may just be going in a different direction than anticipated, but it’ll turn out to be the right one.


occasionally. like potter or dolphin trainer. :-)
i have no idea where i am and how i got here.

There is a quote in my usersinfo that largely sums up my anser to this question:

I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.

- Douglas Adams


I'm full or plans. I'm constantly scheming. But I just as frequenly stray from them, become distracted by a side road or seemingly interesting trail. "Hey what's that? Hmm, lets go explore that path for a little while and see where it leads us..."

I've always had high expectations for myself. I was good in school and as a kid pretty much successful at everything I tried. If I really wanted something I could achieve it. My first failures, in my early 20's during my first years here, hit me pretty hard. For the first time in my life I wasn't on track, couldn't arrive at my destination. My car was in the garage, my bicycle had a flat tire and climbing that mountain on foot took all I had.

I'm not sure if I've always known where I was going or how to get there. However, I feel I've always had a good sense of who I am and what I love. I know what is important to me and this has guided me in making the right choices at the intersections of life.

Becoming a teacher was definitely not part of my plans, but it has been an important side road. It was a good little trip in a different direction from which I've learned a lot.

I thinking veering can be good. Sometimes it helps you come back to the right path.

It's weird. I have always had a good sense of who I am and what I love. Right now, though it doesn't feel like it's enough. If this is a mid-life crisis, it sucks.

No. No. No. No. :) I'm only concentrated on surviving life til I was 25. But now I am living and know what I want and do everything to get everything I want to achieve and do and feel. :)

And the WAY is the one which makes YOU happy at all times.


I did have a plan, I've always wanted to write and teach and be a mother--and these things are things I am doing, and yet my plan has also veered unexpectedly: many opportunities, much growth has occured that I didn't imagine; couldn't. I've grown so much more patient with my life now that I've let go of some of those plans. I've stopped masterminding so much and started trusting.

What does your heart want when you're lying in bed awake in the middle of the night?

What are three things you would do now, if tomorrow you found out you would be dying shortly?

What do you want to be remembered for?

Trust you to ask the hardest questions!!

What if I don't know the answers? I need time to just be able to sit still and listen to my heart. Unfortunately, I don't have it right now (the time, I mean, not the heart). I think about question 2 a lot, though, and still don't know the answer.

I want to be remembered for my laughter, for my writing, and my love. :O)

I had no plans, growing up, other than what became a sort of mantra in my family: the desire to be "hopefully rich but not famous". (Of course, with that sort of nebulous attack plan, I'm still working towards the "rich" part...)

As a young adult, I had a running series of very vague "five year plans"...which really consisted of nothing more than "I'd like to be making thus-and-such a salary in five years". Through happenchance and serendipity (okay, and a little bit of brain wattage *g*), I usually got there, but I never really had a clear idea of what I wanted to be, when I grew up. I still don't. I'm just sort of making it up as I go along.

It seems quite strange to me, that I'm okay with my improvised life. But I'm happy -- which is, after all, the best thing one can wish for -- so I shan't complain. ;-)

I feel rather similarly, that I've been making it up as I go along. :D

I suspect even those who have a plan, in reality wind up making it up as they go along.

To quote the Desiderata, "Enjoy your achievments as well as your plans."
If there's really something you need to be doing or working towards, if there's something you need to achieve, you'll figure it out. In the meantime just relax and continue to make a concious effort to enjoy the job you love and the family you adore.

I'm sure the funk will pass.

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lizardek's obiter photos
lizardek's obiter photos

Feeling generous? Be my guest!

I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

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Findus the cat as used in my user icon and header is the creation of Sven Nordqvist.