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What I want and what I give myself are not the same things, most of the time, and to my chagrin. What I really want, more than anything else, RIGHT NOW, right this minute, is to fall asleep and slumber darksomely without interruption for 24 hours. At least. At the very, very least. I suspect 3 days of solid sleep would be even better and go much further toward restoring me to my true self. A self that is relaxed, gentle, generous, motivated, amusing, creative, sexy and efficient. Also, fair of face. Also, full of grace. Also, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Also humble and modest in every way.

hee! But! What is UP with me? Why cannot I just go lie my stupid weary self down in bed when I am tired and shut off my brian (and also my brain) and go to sleep? I am tired when I get home from work and I do not allow myself to go lie down (or even sit down, because if I sit down it's only an all too short tilt to a lie down and then it's all over) because there are dinners to be made and kids to be fed and fish to be fed and things to be picked up and put away and dealt with and bedtime routines to get through, and by then I might as well check e-mail and work on some web pages and maybe practice singing and then write a journal entry, and then some other things, and then some more and suddenly, QUITE suddenly, I might add, it's past 11 p.m. and I'm staring a measly 6.5 hours of sleep in the face again when I know full well that it's not enough. And then I do it again, night after night.

To compound things even further, I am not the kind of person who can fall asleep while reading. In fact, reading wakes me up. I might GO to bed at 11:30, but invariably I READ until well after midnight, and for those of you who are capable of math, and I'm reliably informed that is everyone else except me in the world, that means LESS than 6.5 hours of sleep. But I love my books and I must read (thereby proving it has turned my brain. Also, my brian), and by the end of a couple of weeks of this, I am completely wiped out. Tired. Sleepy. Drowsy. Dormant. Dozy. Slumberous. Somnolent. Fatigued. Exhausted. Weary. Tuckered. Knackered.

Good grief, that's a lot of synonyms for 'tired' and that was without consulting a thesaurus! Why in the world do we have so many words describing the depletion of energy and the need for sleep? My trusty Webster's gives me insight into the various routes by which these words wormed their ways into our dreaming brains.

Tired comes from Old English tEorian
Fatigued comes from Latin, through French, fatigare or affatim
Weary comes from Old English via Old High German wuorag (perhaps akin to Greek aOros)
Sleepy comes from Old English via Old High German slaf, and perhaps from Latin labi meaning to slip or slide
Exhausted comes from Latin exhaustus, exhaurire, meaning to draw (out or off)
Drowsy akin to Gothic driusan meaning to fall, by way of Old English drEorig
Dozy comes from the Old Norse dusa
Dormant comes from French, dormir, through Latin dormire, akin to Sanskrit (!) drAti
Slumberous from Old English sluma, via Old High German slumen
Somnolent from Latin somnolentus, somnus
Tuckered is obsolete English from tuck meaning to reproach
Knackered is British slang meaning to kill or tire, and the term was used to describe the buyers of worn-out animals or their carcasses, usually horses, for use as fertilizer or animal fodder, among other things.

Actually consulting a thesaurus gives me even more: bleary, fagged, flagging, unrested...and that is only words that mean 'needing sleep' without even getting into the synonyms that branch off into definitions meaning 'spent and worn out' or 'hackneyed and trite' both of which feel uncomfortably close to defining this journal entry.

And if all THAT doesn't put me out, I don't know what will.


Cracking Me Up, Especially the "Comments": Deleted Weekend Post

Really Great Writing Out There Right Now: The Hatchling

Blessings and Bouncings and Bright Birthday Wishes for kissekat!

A Year of Sweet Dreams, Gentle Hugs, Good Mornings and Good Afternoons, Burbles of Laughter and Moments of Joy, all in a Pile of Happy Birthday Wishes to my Dear thistimearound!
mood: awake
music: Peter, Paul & Mary—If I Had Wings



Hah, I'm one to speak! I regularly end up falling asleep at 1 am... so many things to muck around with before truly calling it a nite... Man's nagging that I should retire to bed earlier every nite...

Heh! So nice to know I am not alone in my sleep-deprived state. My husband is no help, he regularly goes to bed at 2 in the morning. *grump*

At least he's company for you while you're awake. Can you imagine being nagged at from the bedroom by Man to come to bed every 5 minutes until you do?

Har! Nope, not so easy. He's relaxes with a different screen than I do. :P

And here I always thought Dozy was one of the seven dwarves. I had no idea he was an Old Norseman.

I come home from work and do not have a family to do for. So I lie down for a short nap that becomes a two hour long deepsleepathon and then I'm bouncy bouncy awake half the night. Is there no one NORMAL out there?

No, that was Bashy, remember? :P And no, I think we're all mad here. :D

maybe it's time to hand out some new responsibilities for the kids? :) they can handle feeding the fish? so you won't have to do EVERYTHING. :)

good night for tonight! :)

I can so relate, re: not daring to sit down when you get home from work. If I sit, be it at the computer or in a comfy chair, I'm done for.

Fred, on the other hand, came to bed at 5:00 a.m. today...and was up by midday, bright and perky. Left to his own devices, he could easily sleep for 16 hours straight, but he can also manage on just a few hours sleep a night for a whole week running. I think it must be a Y-chromosome thing. *pout*

Oh totally agree, I'm sadly a night owl with early risers waking me up from my peaceful sleep. You'd think I'd go to bed earlier. Nah. :) In case I missed it, what are you reading right now?

I'm finishing the last in a fantasy series by Melanie Rawn, called Skybowl. I've read them before and was in the mood for a re-read.

Liz, how is your diet? Improper nutrition can SO screw up our sleep style, natural weight, and health.

My ex- was having trouble sleeping, under a lot of stress, and her lupus and fibro-myalgia was flaring really badly. Getting her to take some high quality supplements made a huge difference though, as far as her sleep quality, had more energy with less sleep needed, is losing weight, etc.

Just a thought for you to look into. I have no idea what sort of supplements are available in Sweden. You might also want to read a book by Drs. Michael and Mary Eades, a married couple of nutritionists and MDs. The high protein/low carb lifestyle DOES work, but really should be accompanied by proper supplementation.

You are more than welcome to email me, Liz, if you have trouble with finding answers about health. I've done a bit of research into nutrition over the last 10 years or so, and am happy to discuss/find answers if it will help someone. I know taking supplements vs. not taking them has made a huge difference in my quality of life. :)


Food for thought, for sure. Supplements are VERY hard to find here, and I'm pretty wary of most stuff as well. I also am positive that I wouldn't be able to give up carbs, although I've been considering ways to cut DOWN on them. Most of the reasons why I don't get enough sleep are due to other things, but I'm sure my not-so-wonderful eating habits contribute.


I was going to suggest reading in bed, but that obviously won't work for you.


Sadly, no. It makes it worse.

I think

You are going to have to come to my house and I'm going to have to teach you how to sleep-- a long two week course in deep slumber!


Re: I think

Sign me up!!

"What I want and what I give myself are not the same things"

Oh please don't get me going on this. This is what my inner bully still beats me up about. And now I have to write a five hundred word piece on self acceptance and self-care. Bleh. Who woulda thunk it in middle age?
At least it's preferable to affirmations....


Feeling it along with you you! Hope you can find some rest. -Alex

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