lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
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MOVE ALONG, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE
I want to write, but I can't seem to get going. I can't seem to find a subject or a story or a line of words in a row that will stoke the engine and prime the pump. Have I run out of words or just out of steam?

Maybe I'm just in reading mode. Maybe I have lost a part or worn it out. There's no ork in me. I like the word ork. I can't even think what the correct translation is in English. It's not really motivation, and it's not really energy, although it has elements of both. And it's not really will, since that implies choice, and my choice is always for energy and motivation and will. Alas, alack, I have none.

Okay, I have some.

But only a little bit. *squeezes out another sentence*

Some days I feel like writing is like toothpaste in a toothpaste tube. You squeeze and you roll up the end but eventually you've gotten everything out and there is no more. Time for a new tube!

Some days it's like the first flush of green in spring. Today was the first day the buds became leaves here in Flyinge. A hedge flushed and some small trees went up in leaves. The tractors are flocking and the fields have been turned under, their rich loamy undersides exposed to the warmth. The lungwort is up, perkily pink and purple, and little leaves of the lupine I transplanted last year have come up; stars on stalks.

I am hungry for something, but I don't know what.

Hungry head. Hungry heart. Hungry in my belly with a growly tiger grumble.

Everyone else has more words than I do. Sad ones, happy ones. Tired ones. I wonder what keeps you here. What keeps you coming back? Lately, I can't imagine.

Aha! Perhaps that's my problem.
 tired
mood: tired
music: Zombies—She's Not There


Comments

I always wonder--how much English do you speak on a daily basis, and how much Swedish? Do the kids speak English? Was it difficult for you to move to a country and raise a family in a different language?

You amaze me, and for things like that. :) For being able to follow music and culture and the lives of your friends while conducting such a busy life so far away.

I speak a lot of English on a daily basis, probably more than I speak Swedish. At work it's a big mix, more Swenglish than anything else, since our office is so international. I have several English-speaking colleagues and we tend to revert to English together even when there are Swedes around. All the Swedes speak excellent English, so they don't even blink an eye. We also have many colleagues from all over the world for whom Swedish is a 3rd or even 4th language and we usually speak English together as well. I do try and speak Swedish primarily with my Swedish colleagues, but it's not as easy as one might think.

At home, I only speak English, both with Anders and with the kids. Anders speaks Swedish to the kids. They answer us both in a mixture, with Swedish being dominant. They do tend to answer me in English though, Martin more so than Karin. I speak Swedish with Anders' family, and with our Swedish friends and switching back and forth between the two is no problem for me. :)

It wasn't at all difficult (relatively speaking of course) for me to move to another country. I've moved all my life (29 times) and lived abroad for 6 years as a teenager. I WANTED to move back to Europe, so it wasn't anything against my will. I think raising a family is difficult in its way no matter where you are, or what resources you have.

Learning Swedish wasn't difficult for me either, I was lucky. I have a good ear for languages and an affinity for them, and learning German in high school helped a lot since Swedish is also a Germanic language and has a lot of similarities with both English and German. Granted, it would have been easier if I had been younger, but I think I would have had a MUCH more difficult time if the language had been a Latin or Romance one.

October 2019
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