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Weddings and marriages and relationships have been on my mind a lot lately, understandably so, since my brother got married a few weeks ago and Anders and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary. What makes it work? A strong sense of commitment through ups and downs and good and bad. An understanding that loving someone is not necessarily the same as BEING in love all the time and that that's okay. The sense of your world righting itself when your loved one returns home from a week away. The deep, knitted-tight feeling that permeates everything about your life together.

For What Binds Us
by Jane Hirshfield

There are names for what binds us:
strong forces, weak forces.
Look around, you can see them:
the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,
nails rusting into the places they join,
joints dovetailed on their own weight.
The way things stay so solidly
wherever they've been set down
and gravity, scientists say, is weak.

And see how the flesh grows back
across a wound, with a great vehemence,
more strong
than the simple, untested surface before.
There's a name for it on horses,
when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

as all flesh
is proud of its wounds, wears them
as honors given out after battle,
small triumphs pinned to the chest

And when two people love each other
see how it is like a
scar between their bodies,
stronger, darker, and proud;
how the black cord makes of them a single fabric
that nothing can tear or mend.


More Poetry Thursday goodness!
mood: peaceful
music: my kids singing Volare


THis one is so beautiful--thanks for reminding me about Hershfield again--I used to read her voraciously but haven't for some time. This poem fits perfectly today for me, after finishing Sue Monk Kidd's MERMAID CHAIR. Have you read it? You could, in an hour or so.. since it only took me a day! GRIN.

I haven't, but it's on my wishlist :) I like her writing.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

that means a lot to me :)


"Loving someone is not necessarily the same as BEING in love all the time and that that's okay"

I think there is a lot of truth to that statement, marriage is something that definately needs to be worked at, but that doesn't make it any less romantic or wonderful. Too often people assume that just because you're "in love" there should never be any problems or fights or compromises, but being in any long term relationship is about give and take, sharing and giving.

Thought provoking post!

Kestrel (

Hear hear!

I thought of you, I did ;)

The message is harder for some to learn, I think. Thank you for this poem!


oh this one is a good one. thank you for sharing it today. love it! (so glad you are back into the PT swing of things too!)

liz elayne


What a true-feeling description of a long-term relationship. Cool!



Ahh, words to ponder. I'm so glad I popped by and read this. Today (Friday) is our 16th anniversary.


Happy Anniversary!! :)

I like the scar metaphore. Why didn't I think of that?


What a poem! I love it - and how true, love can be like a scar, you have the remembrances of the hurts and yet it doesn't hurt anymore. Sometimes you have to tear a thing down to build it up again - and it takes a lot of grace and space. I never thought I'd marry anyone like my beau(sic) but we're so good and strong, we're like a fortress! Okay, a very small fortress, but still - ;)

And so, so true- that you can love someone and yet not being in love all the time. I wish I could shatter all the illusions about the first year of marriage - it's different for everyone. For some it's a hard, very difficult adjustment. For us it's been pretty peaceful, with a few big blowouts. Maybe I should post about this in October, non?

And once again, the happiest, loviest of anniversaries to you and Anders!


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I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

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