lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
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MY MENTAL MOOD RING IS AMBER
If I stopped writing here, in this space that used to feel so comfortable, what would I do with the time it freed up?

Would I write elsewhere? A book of short stories and poetry and meanderng essays? A plotless novel, full of characters and quirky writing? A silly correspondence between myself and me? A paper diary? Doubtful. I never kept any kind of consistent diary until I started this journal, and it often appears the only thing that has really kept me writing has been the audience participation.

Would I have a cleaner house? Doubtful. I've always been of two minds about housework. On the one hand, I like a neat and tidy domicile with everything in its place but on the other I'd rather be lying on the couch reading.

Would I create a great art masterpiece, or perhaps a whole series of delightful artworks that would actually be worth something, if only on eBay? Doubtful. I might create the delightful artworks, but I have a hard time parting with my babies, and I don't have the obsessive need to create that a true artist has. I'm more of a dabbler, really.

Would I spend more time with my children?

Would I turn to gardening and whip our yard and flowerbeds into shape?

Would I become a workaholic, only leaving the office when the reception has closed and the stairwells echo?

Would I turn to sex, drugs and rock-and-roll to fill my days?

Doubtful, sadly, but well, doubtful.

What's that you say? Would I spend all my time playing Spider Solitaire? You funny. Lalalala, I can't hear you!

***

Last week I mentioned in a journal entry that we were planning a trip to Scotland and asked for recommendations of things to see and do. I got lots of responses with great ideas, and the wonderful Bluepoppy, an online friend I've never met, told me to get in touch with Croila, one of HER online friends whom she has never met, who just happens to be Scottish and lives in Scotland. So I did, and not only did she answer me with a great long email PACKED full of great ideas, suggestions and links, but she also posted the info on her website and asked HER readership for tips. What I am discovering now, along with the fact that the internet is full of lovely, generous, helpful and friendly people, is that we will probably have to plan another trip to Scotland because there is TOO MUCH TO SEE.

***

I was trying to look up my family's ancestral tartans online, as I have several Scots back about 5 generations: Dalgleish, Scott and McAllister. When it gets that far back, how do you decide which tartan is really YOURS? Also, they were all farmers, so I don't think they count, because wasn't it mostly the wild Highland clans that had tartans? What if you like a tartan that you really have no claim to? Are you allowed to use it? Not that I'm particularly enamored of plaid, you understand, I'm just curious.

***

Why am I just in the mood to quit things lately? Argh. Somebody stop me.
 tired
mood: tired
music: Naked Eyes—Promises, Promises


Comments
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well, i don't want you to quit, but if you do end up writing a plotless novel with quirky characters, i hope you'll send me a copy.

It'll never happen. If I get around to publishing anything (besides the poetry I've already published), it will be writing from this here journal, most likely. And I won't quit, I was just in one of those moods.

if you stop writing here, then what will i do with MY time? :-O

breed guinea piggies?

Maybe you just need a break. Like a trial separation. Give yourself time to do other things and come back when it feels right. I'm betting you'll want to write again when the pressure and the obligation and the whatever that is making it all not feel quite right goes away.

you are so right :) but I just had a break a few weeks ago (and have another one coming up soon), so maybe it's not the break I need, but the motivation!

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

you know it was rhetorical!

(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  
(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  
(no subject) - (Anonymous)   Expand  

I have this feeling that people are abandoning LJ for other goals, it feels a little sad... :(

I think people are just out enjoying the summer. I won't leave, I promise, I was just having one of those moods.

To put yet another ME! ME! ME! spin on things...just so you know, this whole New York thing wouldn't at ALL be as good as it is without you. My LJ friends are pretty much my daily circle, and I DO appreciate you.

On the other hand, I respect changing needs and desires, so I wouldn't be angry or annoyed if you moved on to other things. I would be a bit sad, though. Your writing and your kids brighten many a day for me!

Sad,sad, sad, I'd be if you were to leave. But I would understand. I hope you sort it out and come to a good resolution for yourself. You know we love ya!

PS

This isn't because your "page" is still sitting on my desk after being promised months ago, is it?
JUST JOKING

Re: PS

Heh :) Silly old bear.

Could it be you're having After-Mom-itis? I know I always feel a kind of listless let-downness when anyone I'm really close to leaves. They gotta go, but afterward, everything seems kind of empty and pointless.

After-Mom-itis! God I totally know what you mean by that. It's true.

I hope you don't decide to go away permanently, it just wouldn't be the same here without you, even if I don't respond as much as I want to. After three years of keeping this journal myself, the ONLY journal of any sort I have ever kept for longer than two days in my life, I can't imagine how I would do without it. I now have a day-by-day chronology of things in the last few years that I cherish, but SO many wonderful people I have met as well, that I probably never would have had the chance to get to know.

I would never go away permanently (by choice)...I was mostly in a rhetorical mood yesterday. :) And I totally know what you mean.


Doubtful anyone can talk for you. For me, I know, that there are so many things intruding on my time, and writing here is soemthing I do because I want to make time to do that.

If a great novel, or piece of art, was within me, I would MAKE tiem to get it out. And I probably would still write here. I suspect there are so many other things I could lose before this. Adn even in the busiest life, I manage to find time - when I demand it and blindly pursue it.

Yah, I know. I was just in a cranky space.

Being of Scottish ancestry myself, my 2p's worth:

From my experience of Scottish ancestral tartans you have to be purebred within that clan to wear the tartan, or at least a closer descendant than 5 generations! Wars were fought over such issues as clan claims and disrespect paid. I'm afraid, if you wear a particular tartan in Scotland, you are most likely to be treated as an American desperately trying to claim Scottish ancestry, and their argument would probably be that none of those family tartans are actually 'yours'. Scots are, understandably, very proud and protective of their heritage and (again, from my experience) find the 'many generations back' thing as amusing and irritating in turn.

Having said that, there are so many bastardisations of tartans out there these days that it's probably a moot point.

Both my step-father and my birth father are of Scottish descent, still holding the family names. My mum and step-dad recently bought kilts in my step-dad's tartan (it's a rather garish red and green thing, unfortunately), but I have no idea what my 'birth' tartan is. Hmm...now you've got me interested ;)

Actually, I figured that was the case, but also know that tartans and tartan-printed items are all over the place in Scotland and sold in every souvenir shop. My grandparents were there in the 70s and bought material in one of their ancestral patterns but never did anything with it (and frankly, it's not the most attractive one). I've never really cared either way, since my ancestry (on my mom's side) is pretty evenly mixed between Scottish, English and Irish. (all English on my dad's side). But it IS interesting, as you say. :)

(Anonymous)
A rhetorical question?

Lizardek, of course this is a RHETORICAL question as there is no answer to you EVER stopping your blog because that is simply VERBOTEN. Point finale.

However, you are always allowed to refresh, renew, take a break to get new perspective and come back to us from a sabbatical.

but that is ALL.

AND-- look at how the blog universe delivers!! You are going to FUCKING Scotland and I am FUCKING GREEEN with envy oh my god GREEN GREEN GREEN and you are required to share every bit (except the haggis-- god keep the haggis away) and look how blog world found you my beloved Croila.

Bisous, ~bluepoppy

Re: A rhetorical question?

Here here Liz!! Bluepoppy is so right.
Take as long a refresher break as you might need, but we will be awaiting your return.
And maybe it's a phase of life where you will need to limit yourself to two days per week or some such thing, but do not go away forever.
You need LJ, Lj needs you.

Maybe it's just summer. I want to quit everything, too! Besides, in the small print of my journal it says that my coming back means you can never quit writing. Bwa ha ha!

:) Did I agree to that? If that's what it takes to keep YOU here, I'll happily sacrifice myself! :D

Multi-clannish, eh? The only answer could be patchwork tartan. The louder and busier the kilt, the better - woohoo!

Fashion mistake! Fashion mistake! XD

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