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TRYING TO STOP SLAPPING ASIDE THE CLUESTICKS
Why do I do that? Why do I mentally turn away, begin to tune out, slam up a wall as soon as someone starts talking about it? I can feel myself doing it and I have to force myself to listen, force myself not to roll my eyes, not to mentally cover the conversation with a loudly silent YEAH YEAH YEAH inside my skull?

Do I do it because I'm in denial? Because I'm so sure that I already KNOW everything that is coming, everything that is being said? Because I hate being lectured at even though I know everyone who begins this conversation has only my best interests at heart, only wants to help? If I'm so smart and know so much, then why haven't I done something about it long ago?

Lazyness, habit, comfort, inertia.

All of my attempts in recent years have been half-assed, laughable, well-intentioned (check out the pretty paving on that road to hell!), short-circuited.

Do I think it can't happen to me? Do I think this is a game?! What am I afraid of?

If I did something about it, what would I be losing? What would I be giving up? What would I be revealing? If I changed it all, stripped it all away, would there be anything left?

I don't know why I can't get started or why I stop myself.

When someone brings it up, starts the subject, offers advice, all I can think is: I KNOW. I don't want to hear it again because I KNOW.

I know what's good for me, and right now I am admitting it's apparently NOT ME.

***

Joyful Jolly Oh By Golly Birthday Wishes to somebodystrange!
 discontent
mood: discontent
music: Bad Company—Crazy Circles


Comments
???


You OK sweetheart??
Ya got me worried here.

Re: ???

Yah...I'm okay, or will be, as long as I don't get in my own way, which I seem to do an awful lot these days.

Re: ???

Ah well, we all do that sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over it. That just adds on.
*sending hugs*
Remember to breath. That's the most important thing. Just breath right through every thing, no matter what it is....
Not to invalidate what you are feeling, but you'll be fine. And you'll even feel better (eventually)
And I don't know why I am saying all this, because you know it.

We're all our own worst enemy at times. But we can also be our best friend.

At least you're not in denial! Hang in there.

Own worst enemy sure sums it up. *hanging in there...sort of*

Thank you for the birthday wishes! And whatever you're struggling with here, you'll make it. I know you will.

Thanks for the vote of confidence :)

I do hope that what you are struggling with can begin to unravel now with the writing of these words. Remember that you are strong and that you will conquer what is hovering over you. Hugs!

I hope so! thanks for the encouragement :)

A weighty problem, perchance? Just glancing at your list of "Dislikes" and wondering out loud.... or perhaps just transferring MY achilles heel to you.

Whatever it is that is bothering you, I can empathise with the way our minds react to well meaning advice (I always think Dra åt helvete myself, but then I'm sure you aren't as uncouth as me). Sometimes there are complex and not wholly consciously known reasons why we continue a behaviour that we know is detrimental to us. Think of people with irrational fears of things, those who drink too much, take drugs, comfort eat, over shop etc. Those who are stressed and overworked, depressed. I bet they wish there was a simple "Off" button to stop the behaviour and start anew. But life isn't like that. Mostly it's an uphill struggle, a huge game of Snakes and Ladders, with big fat snakes ready to trip us up when we least expect it.

We love you just the way you are. Barky and all.

Snakes and Ladders! What a perfect analogy. And yes, you hit the nail on the head. I know that so many people struggle with this very same issue, which even while it comforts that I'm not alone, I KNOW that I AM alone in this and that no one else can do it for me.

Whatever "it" is you do know about it and when you are ready to deal with it...you will. When you are ready. ((hugs))

thank you :)

Just try to trust yourself to do whatever it is that you KNOW you have to do, and I wish you luck in doing it.

thanks for the good wishes :)

i dunno about you but when people keep giving me friendly advice on the same topic it almost makes me NOT want to change..even if i know i should. you'll change whatever it is when *you're* ready :)

I have the same reaction. But what if I'm NEVER ready?? *grumble*

(Anonymous)

Girl, you KNOW I'm right there with you. Even though I welcome advice, it doesn't help if I don't follow through. Hey, there are worse vices to have.

Har! One worse vice is the behavior I'm so obliquely referring to in this post! :/

Oops, I forgot to sign in, otherwise you would know that the vice you refer to is one that I have a problem with too

Yah. It's so aggravating, isn't it?!

I had to backtrack because I thought I missed something major in a post related to this one...but doesn't seem so. So I'll just say...hope it gets better...whatever you're struggling with. xoxo

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