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A FEELING THAT EVERYTHING MUST END
I found out yesterday that something I've been fearing for awhile has come to pass: our choir leader is moving on after the end of this term. I think it's been a long time coming, and it seems to be a common propensity of choir leaders: the urge to move on after a couple of years, whether from boredom or being too busy with other things or feeling like they just can't develop any more where they are.

Kind of like being a military brat, I think. 3 years in one place is about the limit.

I'm really sad about her decision because I think she is selling the choir short. I don't think her heart has been in it this past year because her interests have been elsewhere, and in light of that, of course it is more exciting to be off and doing new things than coming around to the same old group of people week after week. Once you have taken the measure of a choir, as a choir leader, you must know or at least think you know, exactly what they are capable of. She started only a short time before I did, and I remember how electric that first year was. She was so full of energy, and drive and the urge to make us better, to get us to sing our absolute hearts out, and we did. I went home bouncing and singing, Barky standing on end with the electricity shooting out of me. I sang all the way home in the car, usually catching myself every few minutes speeding because I was so revved up.

That was nearly 3 years ago, maybe nearly 4—I've lost track. Time flies so fast. I don't know what the future of the choir holds...things feel very much in an uproar right now and last night at practice everyone seemed to be milling around a bit like ants whose nest has been disturbed. Our director actually seemed MORE energized yesterday than she's been for months, so perhaps finally making the decision and announcing it lightened a load she's been carrying for awhile.

I am missing the rest of the term, 5 weeks of practice and several concerts. I get back the week before our end-of-season Spring concert, and because of all the new songs recently introduced and the new ones she is planning on starting this month, I'm not even sure I'll be able to sing in it, since 1 week of practice is pretty unrealistic in terms of being prepared to sing in front of an audience. But because there are so few altos right now, I'm feeling guilty and obligated, too. We'll see when I get back whether it's feasible for me to attempt it, but at the moment I'm doubtful and to be honest, MY heart isn't in it either right now. I think her disengagement affected all of us more deeply than we realize.

But it makes me even sadder to think that in missing these next 5 weeks and possibly the last big concert, I will be missing my last chances to sing under her direction.

***

Rée, if you're still reading, I wish you'd check your email. I'm debating calling you, but not sure it would be welcome. :(
 sad
mood: sad
music: lijie—Roam


Comments

Will it be difficult to recruit a new leader, or do you have backups within the choir ready to take that step? In our orchestra, next week's practise is cancelled because both 1st, 2nd and 3rd conductors are away, and there is no 4th. In theory we could've held group rehearsals, but attendance tends to be lower than usual at those opportunities. We've just finished one concert and are about to take on a load of more music which we lightly touched earlier in the winter, but haven't practised for a few months. Spring concert in is the middle of May.

It will be difficult, I suspect. We only have 1 girl that stands in for the director, and she's too young and inexperienced to handle the full responsibility. :(

Sorry, Liz. For me it's always double the grief when someone I look up to as a leader disappoints me.

(Anonymous)

I have to admit that I'm totally confused as to when you actually leave on your trip, but I don't want to miss the opportunity to tell you to have the most remarkable time and to take lots of pics of BP and e-mail them to me on the QT. (What does the QT stand for anyway?! i figure you would know as you know ALL). I won't pretend that I'm not going to miss you desperately though. I will. But have a good time regardless. And a very safe journey!!!

xoxoxoxoxo Wee

It's apparently short for "quiet" (first and last letters) but I find that a bit simplistic, actually. We leave tomorrow morning, on April Fool's Day! :D

I'm sorry about the choir director. I hope a replacement is found. Choir seems to bring you such joy.

Have a wonderful trip!!

:-( I'm sorry. Two of my brother's oldest friends are both choir directors and it does seem like they move around somewhat. Hopefully the future of your choir is bright and perhaps awaiting an enthusiastic person who can act as a catalyst to really get you guys going.

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