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When I was in college my roommates and I would not tolerate whining on each other's parts. I had 3 roommates in the dormitory room we shared in Akers Hall: Paz and Jooje and LP the Great. When you live with a lot of women, in your room, and on your floor, there is invariably whining in the picture somewhere at any given time, but we would pounce upon any whining and kick it mercilessly with sarcasm until the offender gave it up. Finally, in self-defense someone came up with B.M.C. which was code for what they were doing INSTEAD OF WHINING. "I am NOT WHINING," someone would whine grumble. "This is Bitching, Moaning and Complaining, but it is NOT WHINING."

I'm not technically doing either today: whining OR BMC'ing, but I feel like it. I'm just a big old grumpbucket eeyoring my way through the evening. Don't be cheering me up. I don't need no stinkin' cheering up.


Nothing is wrong at work or at home, exactly, but this whole week has felt a little off. I've eaten too much and not walked enough and went up half a pound which I'm perversely blowing out of all proportion and getting very nearly teary-eyed over. < in a wobbly voice> but I was doing so GOOD < / end self-pity> GAH.

So I ate a goddamned salad for dinner and then I yelled at the kids to clean their goddamned pigsty mess of a kid's department up. Which they did, of course, because it was pretty obvious I meant business. Then I read them a chapter from Little House on the Prairie and a chapter from Winnie-the-Pooh and kissed them and put them to bed and right there I have empirical proof that I am both a good mother and a bad mother and yes, Virginia, it IS possible to be both, sometimes at nearly the same time!

My mom is going in for surgery next week to remove a 9 cm cyst on her ovary and the doctors decided while they were at it to go to town and TAKE IT ALL OUT, BABY! Well, it's not like she needs any of it these days, but still. A hysterectomy! 9 centimeters!! That's 3.5 inches! That's bigger than an orange! The tests have all come back reassuringly negative and goodnewsy about the lack of cancer possibilities and my mom is calmness and tranquility personified (I just wrote "impersonated" and had to sit still for several seconds while I pondered why that didn't seem right) but still, she's going in for major surgery and she's the only mom I have, not to mention the BEST ONE GOING, and I wish I could be there.

Living this far away from family is never really what I would call a great situation, but sometimes? It really sucks.

PS to the makers of Always Maxi Pads With Flexi-Wings,
What half-baked marketing bullshit demographic were you aiming for when you had "Have a Happy Period — Bonne et heureuse semaine" printed on the pull-off paper covering the adhesive of your products? Have a Happy PERIOD?! Screw you.
mood: cranky
music: Alanis Morissette—Not The Doctor


“Have a Happy PERIOD?! Screw you.”


Ying and yang . . . gotta have a little of the bad to appreciate the good.

Regarding the "happy period", I was trying to brainstorm other things they could have written.

- "At least you're not pregnant."

- "Don't forget to wash." (ooh why did I just write that?!)

- "If you love this, just wait until menopause."

At any rate, hope things start to feel more "on" for you again.

My mom had a cyst removed from her ovary when I was 11 years old. It was the size of an orange as well and while it was really scary, she was well-taken care of and it went very smoothly. I hope your mom's procedure is equally good.

Re: brainstorming

Bwahaha! Thanks for that laugh, I needed it! :D

I totally feel you on the "being on the other side of the world during parental surgery" -feeling. Flippers are crossed and held for safe and swift removal.

goodbad mother simultaneously. ah yes. it is called parenting.

some times we play good cop, bad cop, and sometimes it is just Old Testament God time, coming down from the Mount, with twelve commandments (the extra two only apply to children, and cover teeth cleaning, and room tidying specifically) and why isn't this room clean, and those toys packed up, and I said about those clothes, and IF I SEE YOU HAVE NOT PACKED THE DISHWASHER ONE MORE TIME I'LL...probably turn red in the face, have a stroke and die.

now everyone, hug.

I hate that "have a happy period" slogan. Honestly- I'm happier when it is over and done with!

LOL, i hate that slogan. And the french cracks me up too - "good and happy week"? ummmm okay...!

Maybe this will help a little - it made me laugh, anyway.

Oh I pray she actually sent that letter into the company!!!

hahahahaha!!! thank you for that link!

When I hear a snort from the stall next to me I'll know why now...

*hug* to you and I wish your mom very well. (Maybe she'd like a maxipad for cheer? a bouquet of them?)


I love how you post something very cranky and add a very grinning picture to the post! And yes, "Have a Happy Period" is a miserable statement indeed!

- Molly

womany things

My good thoughts and wishes go out to your mom and your family. I recall back in high school, a girl I was friends with, her mom had a hysterectomy. Her mom had been going through terrible menopause and the procedure made her feel worlds better, both physically and emotionally.

I often wonder who comes up with these femme hygiene product slogans and campaigns. I'm positive the "have a happy period!" commercial was NOT conceived by a woman! Then there's the other ones for... Stayfree, I believe? A red circle (supposed to represent your period) goes bouncing happily through different cartoon scenes, becoming different objects. First off, the blue liquid poured into a pad was bad enough; who wants to see their menses translated into a flying red dot*? Secondly and worse, that red dot representing your period transforming into a cartoon woman's EARRINGS... No. Just no.

*That ad led my friend and I to re-christen the happy period as the "flying red dot."

hugs to you and lizardmom!

I'm usually this way when I'm constipated...just a litte fyi.

Hope things go well with mom!

or a little tmi? :D

i know- it is so hard being so far away. i hope all goes well.
and being a stern mom doesn't make u a bad mom.

ps. us women with PCOS are pretty thrilled about getting our periods. there is a mini celebration each time. ;)

So, you're not having a happy period? ;P

*bites off your head* :P

"Have a Happy Period".
Haven't heard or read that one.
Must be a man that come up with that one.

Good luck to your mom.

If the tests indicate no cancer markers, there are no worries. I had a 15 cm cyst on my ovary, discovered and all taken out with the birth of my first child. It did not prevent me from getting pregnant with no. 2 (as you know, the other ovary just kicks in and takes over for the missing one...not that this would be of concern to your mother at this point...but from a hormonal point of view it could be beneficial to know).

It's a quick thing, the surgery, and they can actually do it via keyhole and not knock her out completely, if she wants that option.

It's normal to be worried, being so far away, but hopefully this will be the end of the problem.

As a guy, I figure there may be one or two situations when a woman would be glad to get a period. Most obvious is of course if she feared she is pregnant, although it doesn't seem like a 100% failsafe way to determine pregnancy.

The second situation would be one who has just "returned back to life" from years of anorexia or other extreme dieting (i.e. to pursue certain sports) to the point that your body stopped having periods. Sometimes I read open letters from young women who regret their eating disorders and ask a doctor whether they will ever be able to have children. At least on the first occassion that woman has her period, she will be a bit relieved, if not neccessarily happy.

Anyway, the above slogan reminded me this play with words in Swedish:

Ha ett underbart liv - ha ett bart underliv! (best left untranslated :-)

Haha! Your PS cracked me up. Obviously a man that came up with that one.

I think we are having the same week : S


Hi Liz,
I am All About Whine these days, so a little grumbling from you is nothing. You will get back on the (goddamned) diet, and it sounds like your mom will be fine as well. But still, I know. Hang in there and have a glad mens!


Oh, PMS. What a nasty witch she is! I love the BMC designation, though - I will have to remember that, in future conversations with girlfriends.

I know you want to be there with your mom, and it totally sucks that you can't. Husband's mother in law had (granted, outpatient) surgery the other day, and none of her kids were there (and not us, either, but Husband did have a tiny little thing called graduation) - and let me assure you, none of them live in SWEDEN!! Also, the great thing about moms having surgery is getting to experience them on painkillers - my mom was hilariously mellow.

~Sam :)

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lizardek's obiter photos
lizardek's obiter photos

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I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

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