lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
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IT DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW YOU'LL NEVER GO, ONLY THAT I WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
I'm missing people today. I'm missing places and the way we used to be. I'm missing old songs and old friends and old clothes. The beauty of spring is always pierced with sorrow: I so fiercely love and cherish every second of its too-ephemeral newness. I miss my family and my mom and god, my dad. Damn it, dad. I shouldn't be missing you; you should STILL BE HERE.

People move in and out of our lives, they flower and sprout in our hearts where the uprooting will hurt the most, and often we let them wither and fade away without even realizing what we're doing until it's too late. Other times we turn around and someone we thought was a fixture—was firmly planted—is, without explanation or even with, just not there anymore. You teeter on the brink of an abyss when that happens, and hope you don't fall howling into the grief that grips and shakes you.

I miss Becky and Debbie and Julie and Chris and Kathey because I'm not around them daily anymore, and there was a time in my life when they were everything. They were ALWAYS there. You get used to moving and leaving, whether its you that's doing the moving and leaving, or others. That's how life goes: we all move on. We all change, we grow together, then apart. Sometimes we're lucky and our lives after splitting wind their ways back together and we walk apace again for awhile.

It's not only those friends from times gone by that pull the old heart-connections. I miss Elizabeth and Marilyn and Sheryl and Melanie. Even if it's not deliberate abandonment on anyone's part, it's a huge bummer that voices are silenced, that a gap has grown, that a space that was filled so often is now so often left gaping and empty.

People too far away: my brother, my sister, my cousins, my grandmother, my aunts and uncles. People too busy with their own lives: Geena, Angie, Kelly, Emily. People who are right here in the same house with me, even: my children as babies, my husband as my boyfriend, my fiance, my newlywed man.

Even the child I once was, the young woman, the student, the independent single: I miss me, too. I miss the pets I've loved and I miss the ones we'll never have. I miss the choices I once had, and the choices not made. Some days the reality of what you once had around you, what you most likely took for granted, is overwhelmingly painful.

Reach out, quick! Make a phone call. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Say hello to an online friend or an offline one; any one will do: that's why they're friends! Embrace a loved one. Reconnect with the ones gone missing and remember to treasure the ones snugly entwined in your heart.
 pensive
mood: pensive
music: Pink Martini—Clementine


Comments

Aw, I'm sorry. Missing can be bittersweet, and sometimes just plain sad. I'm always here reading, and I WILL comment more frequently, because I know our relationship is much more one-sided now. Felix arrived at Will's school today, and was so excited to learn about Sweden. Thank you so much for doing that, you really made 20 six year-olds' day. XOXO

It's comforting to know you're reading and commenting :) Honestly! But I DO miss your writing...you've taken breaks before but knowing you aren't going to blog anymore just makes me sad.

(Anonymous)

What a good reminder. Time goes so quickly, and so do the friends and relationships. I miss you all too - but if I called right now- you might not appreciate the wake-up!(it's 8:30pm in Michigan) :0 Maybe tomorrow will work! Love, Lizardmom

Well, I was actually sort of awake at 1:30 last night but I don't know that I would have been coherent for a phone call! :D

i find myself thinking about this off and on the past few years. how one day people are just there..and then they sort of drift off. sometimes it's been intentional and sometimes not but it leaves me feeling a bit sad when i think about it.

Yup. Exactly.

Hi Liz. This is a good reminder to stay connected.
I am right there with you missing friends and loved ones.

(Anonymous)

Me too. I even miss my favorite comic strip (how crazy is that?!)

Do you see lots of people moving right now? We've had scads of friends leave Prague lately and it is terribly sad.

julia@kolo

I miss the Sunday Funnies like crazy sometimes.

That second to last paragraph really hit home. I think I miss my online friends who stop blogging more than I miss friends who moved away because I never expected to have the kind of frequent contact with those people that you are used to with online friends.

I second that!

I agree. Even though I understand the impulse to stop sometimes, I can't imagine actually doing it.

well written!
spring always makes me miss people more. i guess it's all that change suddenly happening around you, combined with the mindblowing beauty that you just want to share with someone...

Something like that, definitely. :)

The blink of an eye,
Another year rolls by.
Why oh why must you fly?

It IS en eyeblink, isn't it! It's crazy how fast time goes!

(Anonymous)

Singing to the choir (at least with Pink Martini). Virtual hugs.

Heather

I've just discovered Pink Martini : love!

Great advice. Sorry you're blue. Reach out and get some warm fuzzies in return.

*warmed by your fuzzy wishes*

(Anonymous)
From Megsie

Wow. After a day in which I finished re-reading BP's last blog, and watching the video (again) and surfing through the SAW site for something...anything.... I know just of what you speak. You also struck the chord of missing past lives of our own. My kids are finally getting to the age where I get to have some sort of life again that can be just me, and yet I miss the one I left behind, the one that seems within my grasp, but always slips through my fingers at the last minute. Thanks for putting into words that which I could not name. I hope tomorrow the sunshine comes through your window and the loneliness passes...for both of us.

Re: From Megsie

Sunshine every day, but sometimes melancholia regardless :)

Weave me into this quilt and consider yourself embraced!

Thanks! I needed that :)

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