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FRUSTRATIONS & FRAGMENTARY FEELINGS
I get so aggravated by being slowed up when I'm working fast. Especially by things outside of my control like a constantly crashing computer. I want to be able to move quickly and do quickly and think quickly, preferably at several things at once and not being able to do it smoothly makes me crazy. I can do quick so well when things go smoothly.

Something else that drives me crazy is having to do things over or make revisions to something I've already finished because someone else changes their mind or misses something or forgets something. It's human nature, I know, and of course I'm as guilty as the next person, but still: aggravating! Even more aggravating when I have to re-do something because of something that I missed!

And waiting! Waiting makes me nuts! I can feel my hair going gray when I'm forced to wait. The worst is waiting for other people. I wonder how much of our lives is wasted in waiting? Waiting in waiting rooms. Waiting in line. Waiting at home wondering when you'll hear the door open. Waiting for something to happen, to change, to get here.

Also, that people can't plan ahead, that they wait until the last minute, that they don't allow enough time for things. Again, I know, I know: it's human nature, but ARGH.

Forgetting something, that drives me crazy too. When I've just spent an hour at the grocery store, driven home, unloaded and put away everything, and suddenly realize I forgot that one damn thing that I didn't write down because I trusted my brain to remind me in the right aisle. And don't forget the grocery carts that have 4 free-wheeling wheels and a sudden heavy pulling life of their own. You'd think after 12.5 years in Europe, I'd be used to those unpredictable creatures but I hate them more than ever.

Being late, that stresses me out beyond belief. It's tied into the planning ahead and the waiting phobia, of course. I'm pretty good at not being late, in fact, I'm rather anal known for being early (and offering to help chop veggies for appetizers or put things out or whatever) and consequently knowing that I'm going to be late? Crazy-making.

There! That was fun. I don't think I write nearly enough about the things that make me tear my hair out, so that should be enough to get it out of my system for another few years or so.

I feel rather scattered and pulled lately. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in, as...well, not always, but way too often. Here I am with an extra hour of time while the book-blog is uploading to lulu.com for the 3rd time (see above: crashing computer), and I started to read, in fact am feeling pulled to read by lovely, stirring language and intricately interesting characters in the book I'm in the middle of (The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt), but yet the pull to write a post overwhelmed me and yanked me in this direction instead.

I can't seem to settle and find my mind darting off in a hundred different directions: good lord the algae in the fish tank is mutating; is it too late to plant peonies and lupines? Carol would have been so thrilled about the Latin American & Spanish theme at the Gothenburg book fair this year; how worried should I be about the little lump I can feel under my breast?* I really hope that they aren't going to cut the budget for my planned US trip this fall; I really want to see Coraline and Up; what do I do about the things Martin told me the other day? I really shouldn't be so bummed about my friends who aren't blogging right now but I am; Karin's birthday is coming up; can't forget I need a thank you teacher gift for next week; man, we really need to get the boat tickets dealt with for the Holland trip, and oh! I need to do some online research about places of interest near Smögen and near Vaals; and is that file uploaded yet???

O! a million things, a million snapping synapses!

*Already made a doctor's appointment for next week to get it checked out.
 crazy
mood: crazy
music: Yohanna—Is It True?


Comments
(no subject) - (Anonymous)

Tell me about it. I've been freaking out pretty steadily ever since.

(Anonymous)
From Megsie

I second that "scared the crap" thing.

Re: From Megsie

Yeah. Hrm.

I understand all those things and they frustrate me as well. They have a tendency to crop up all at once too. Arrrggggg!

They all seem to be tied to each other. Weird!

You're very efficient and responsible. And you need a vacation :P

Yes. Yes, I do! :D

You gave me a scare with that asterisked item.

At least you're a good girl to have made an appointment to have it checked out. Hope it turns out to be nothing to worry about.

I AM rather unnerved, I must say. :(

Teacher gift! Ack! Ingrid's end of kindergarten was marred by the broken arm so I didn't even think about it. First grade's end of year snuck up on me and I didn't have any extra cash to buy something so Ingrid and I sat down and each wrote a nice note to her teacher. Ingrid told me how much her teacher liked them and while I'm sure anyone would like to get a gift card or something, I like the personalized touch of a letter so we'll probably do that again this year.

I just was at the dermatologist for an odd spot I found in an odd spot on my ear. The lab work says it was nothing (as well as another on my leg that the doctor didn't like) so I hope your trip to the doctor will prove to be equally uneventful.

The letter is a lovely idea! I'm glad your odd spots turned out to be nothing, and I am very much hoping for the same result for mine.

Breathe . . .focus . . . and know you've got it all together even if it some things are askew. And even those things will iron out in time--or not.

. . . my thoughts (my heart) is here *

Thanks, you :)

One of the things on my own list of "ack! I have to get to that!" is answering you about lunch. YES to the week of the 15th...Tuesday or Wednesday if we do it after-work time (I am not on vacation that week so lunch is out unless you plan to be in Malmö).

You are also waiting on me for some names of people who paid...and that project did not get done the day I had set time aside to it. I feel the weight of your waiting (heh) but honestly don't know when I'll be able to focus on it. :-(

Your asterisk does have the potential to put the rest into a new perspective, doesn't it? I'll be thinking about you constantly until you report back.

Tuesday would work...that's the 16th. What time and where? :)

And believe it or not, I had forgotten about the list of payees! Bring it with you on the 16th! :)

Also, Jennifer mentioned tonight that she hadn't heard back from you regarding a time to meet to train her on treasurer stuff: prioritize! You can give that all away! :)

And re your last sentence: yes, yes it does.

The 16th - lunch or afterwork?

If it's lunch you have to come to Malmö, a sushi place near Triangeln.

If it's after work I can meet you at that place near the train station in Lund you mentioned earlier.

It would have to be after work...I've got an appointment at 3 :)

If I didn't do this I'd be worried about you. But then maybe I should be worried about both of us.

I think we need to slow down. Make a list. And let it go. Set it afloat on a breeze and get back to whatever it is that really makes us happy.

Let's slow down and float together :)

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