zird is the word (lizardek) wrote,
zird is the word
lizardek

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FRUSTRATIONS & FRAGMENTARY FEELINGS

I get so aggravated by being slowed up when I'm working fast. Especially by things outside of my control like a constantly crashing computer. I want to be able to move quickly and do quickly and think quickly, preferably at several things at once and not being able to do it smoothly makes me crazy. I can do quick so well when things go smoothly.

Something else that drives me crazy is having to do things over or make revisions to something I've already finished because someone else changes their mind or misses something or forgets something. It's human nature, I know, and of course I'm as guilty as the next person, but still: aggravating! Even more aggravating when I have to re-do something because of something that I missed!

And waiting! Waiting makes me nuts! I can feel my hair going gray when I'm forced to wait. The worst is waiting for other people. I wonder how much of our lives is wasted in waiting? Waiting in waiting rooms. Waiting in line. Waiting at home wondering when you'll hear the door open. Waiting for something to happen, to change, to get here.

Also, that people can't plan ahead, that they wait until the last minute, that they don't allow enough time for things. Again, I know, I know: it's human nature, but ARGH.

Forgetting something, that drives me crazy too. When I've just spent an hour at the grocery store, driven home, unloaded and put away everything, and suddenly realize I forgot that one damn thing that I didn't write down because I trusted my brain to remind me in the right aisle. And don't forget the grocery carts that have 4 free-wheeling wheels and a sudden heavy pulling life of their own. You'd think after 12.5 years in Europe, I'd be used to those unpredictable creatures but I hate them more than ever.

Being late, that stresses me out beyond belief. It's tied into the planning ahead and the waiting phobia, of course. I'm pretty good at not being late, in fact, I'm rather anal known for being early (and offering to help chop veggies for appetizers or put things out or whatever) and consequently knowing that I'm going to be late? Crazy-making.

There! That was fun. I don't think I write nearly enough about the things that make me tear my hair out, so that should be enough to get it out of my system for another few years or so.

I feel rather scattered and pulled lately. Too much to do and not enough time to do it in, as...well, not always, but way too often. Here I am with an extra hour of time while the book-blog is uploading to lulu.com for the 3rd time (see above: crashing computer), and I started to read, in fact am feeling pulled to read by lovely, stirring language and intricately interesting characters in the book I'm in the middle of (The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt), but yet the pull to write a post overwhelmed me and yanked me in this direction instead.

I can't seem to settle and find my mind darting off in a hundred different directions: good lord the algae in the fish tank is mutating; is it too late to plant peonies and lupines? Carol would have been so thrilled about the Latin American & Spanish theme at the Gothenburg book fair this year; how worried should I be about the little lump I can feel under my breast?* I really hope that they aren't going to cut the budget for my planned US trip this fall; I really want to see Coraline and Up; what do I do about the things Martin told me the other day? I really shouldn't be so bummed about my friends who aren't blogging right now but I am; Karin's birthday is coming up; can't forget I need a thank you teacher gift for next week; man, we really need to get the boat tickets dealt with for the Holland trip, and oh! I need to do some online research about places of interest near Smögen and near Vaals; and is that file uploaded yet???

O! a million things, a million snapping synapses!

*Already made a doctor's appointment for next week to get it checked out.
Tags: beinglizardek, littlemisssunshine
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