lizardek's obiter dictum lizardek Home Now Then Friends Info Ek Family
zird is the word [userpic]
Reading several people's blogs/journals about their childhood with angry fathers made me realize once again how lucky I was. My family wasn't spectacularly dysfunctional, and my dad didn't start drinking until I was a teenager. Or at least I didn't notice the effects until I was a teenager. My parents were spankers, within the limits of reasonableness, until I was about 5-6, then I don't remember being spanked except once, and I deserved it. Seems like everyone got spanked in the 70's :)

We were living in Nebraska so I would have been somewhere around 8-9 years old. We had new neighbors and they had a kid, and we were planning to go over there for dinner or just to hang out. However, my sister and I had been so totally obnoxious at some point during the day that my dad grounded us and we weren't allowed to go. It was summer and a beautiful evening and my sister and I were SO jealous and angry that we didn't get to go (probably because my brother did) and we wanted to meet the new kid. So, while my parents hung out with the new neighbors, right across the street, on the lawn, Sarah and I hung out by the back screen door, where we proceeded to howl and cry at the top of our lungs for about a half an hour, until we saw my father get up from his lawn chair and make his apologies, before turning to come back to the house. We scrambled for our bedrooms. Let me just say, we thought it would be an excellent way to revenge ourselves upon our uncaring and hardhearted parents for leaving us out of things. Bad idea.

The punishment was 50 smacks with a wooden spoon. Each. Nowadays, I think this was horrible, and even then it was like the end of the world, but I still think we deserved it. I don't remember who did the spanking and doubt it was done with any real power behind it, since neither of us was crippled or beaten senseless or anything. I'm pretty sure we didn't actually GET all 50 and I KNOW we never got another spanking. But it definitely made an impression.

After that, we got stood in corners as punishment. Talk about torture. You couldn't sit. You could only slump. Even 15 minutes standing in a corner feels like an hour. If there were two of us being punished for something, which was usually the case, we'd be put in opposite corners where we could occasionally, when dad's attention was elsewhere, sneak our heads around and make faces at each other.

In Sweden, you're not allowed to spank or hit a child. Somewhere, not so long ago, I read an article written by a child psychologist who compared various disciplinary styles to the animal world. Apparently, the majority of the world practices the CAT style of discipline: reaching out a paw and swatting a disbehaving offspring, and then returning to what you were doing without making a big deal out of it. However, in Sweden, she said, the DEER style of discipline is dominant now, because of the laws restricting physical discipline. When a young deer is misbehaving in some way, or engaging in inappropriate behavior, the mother turns her back and ignores her child. It might work for deer, but in humans, the typical response to be ignored is to double your efforts to get attention, and the quickest way to do so is by misbehaving.

I hear a lot of expats in Sweden complain about how rude some Swedish children are and how wild they can be, and why don't their parents DO anything about it? (and I'm guilty myself) There isn't much they CAN do. The kids are growing up knowing there is nothing their parents can do to stop them, essentially, no matter what the children do. I'm in agreement that hitting your children, even as a disciplinary measure, isn't the answer, but I'm not so sure the opposite extreme is, either.
mood: thoughtful
music: Madonna—Live to Tell


I was never spanked. I was slapped once when I was 4, for trying to show my mom I could run faster than an 18-wheeler, though . . but I think she was on autopilot when she did it. I did beat the truck, but it was a stupid idea on my part ;)

My husband on the other hand, was spanked fairly often, by his mother . . yes, even in Sweden. So it does happen here.

We both turned out okay, I think ;) and neither were out of control kids (obviously he was more, since she resorted to spanking, but it was mainly for things like hanging out in barns with alcoholic bums when he was 5, and continuously playing on railroad tracks). A lot of people are posting about this lately, so I might just have to write my own. I personally don't like spanking, and don't plan to use it with my children, but I think that there needs to be a little leniency, because some kids just don't seem to respond to anything else (like in my husband's case).

You raced an 18-wheeler when you were FOUR and beat it?! You and my daughter would get along great! Although I'd probably slap her too, if she did such a thing! Your poor mother!! :) :)

I can't remember when the laws restricting spanking children were put in place here, but I'm pretty sure it was after our generation was out of childhood, so I'm not so surprised about your husband getting spanked as a child. Nowadays, it's pretty much unthinkable here. What in the world was he doing at age FIVE hanging out with alcoholic bums?! That just cracked me up!

Well it was more racing it by running across the street in front of it, not racing it side by side ;) I even said *Look momma, I can run faster than that truck!* before I took off.

The barn story . . Fredde's family lived in a small town and he was allowed to wander around at a very young age (too young in my opinion). There was a barn nearby on some land and Fredde liked going there to play with his toys, until one day his mother went there too and found Fredde sitting and talking to a drunk guy, who had taken up residence there. Fredde was giving him advice and trying to get the guy to stop drinking . . he had been visiting him every day for a few weeks. The guy was apparently harmless, but Fredde still got a spanking for not mentioning it earlier ;D


October 2019
    1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31


lizardek's obiter photos
lizardek's obiter photos

Feeling generous? Be my guest!

I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

Abraham Lincoln

obiter snippets

Layout thanks to dandelion.
Findus the cat as used in my user icon and header is the creation of Sven Nordqvist.