zird is the word (lizardek) wrote,
zird is the word

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You know those dreams or movie scenes where you have to get somewhere and you turn into a hallway and suddenly the hallway s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s out in front of you like a tunnel, with appropriately alarming music accompaniment and you know you will never reach the end? Never, never never? That's how I feel right now.

I know it's my own fault for even bothering to CHECK my work email, but honest to god, it's insane. I can't stop thinking about work and how it will just pile up and up and up if I don't keep on top of it, and how can I relax and enjoy the rest of this week's vacation if all I can do is sit here restraining myself (GAH!) from fetching my laptop and firing up the VPN?

Yesterday, I thought...hmmm, I probably ought to pop in and check on things since I haven't looked at work email since December 30th and lo! It wasn't that bad. I had 39 messages and another 10 action items in the helpdesk inbox and I whipped through them and sent off a few answers and filed a few documents and uploaded a couple of things and dusted off my hands and nodded to myself and gently closed the lid of the laptop as it powered down.

But today some sort of anxiety worm got into my brain and thrashed about wildly. It munched on my synapses while I had breakfast. It masticated agitatedly on my tender cerebellum as I lay on the massage table this afternoon, SUPPOSEDLY melting into a puddle of goo. It reared up and started bonking its surprisingly massive snout against my mental bulkheads. Check your email!, it crowed. It whispered and muttered and fluttered and flang itself about, twisting itself into a frenzy until finally I caved in and checked. Dammit, worm!! 48 new emails.

When will I learn?
Tags: thedayjob


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