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Messy mush of conflicting feelings; the usual state of affairs in my head these days. I don't seem to have any level days, it's up and down, a constant motion. If life were a boat, I'd be hanging over the side, green in the gills, heaving. Last week, the first official week back at work had me with my head down, pounding through a monster list of projects and requests and emails with barely a chance to come up for air. If I hadn't worked during my last week of vacation, I'm positive my head would have exploded by Friday. Even two days off of mostly weekend relaxation and a full last day of downtime with my mom doesn't feel like enough to offset the craziness. I feel older and tireder and in need of more sleep. Maybe I just need iron? A massage, a hug, a nap.

Today, I distracted myself from the dismay of the end of Mom's visit by cooking for my friend Debbie's family; her husband is still going through chemo (round 4 ended 2 days ago): 6 meals are in the freezer and that makes me feel really good.

Even with lots of good things to look forward to, I seem to have rather dimmed vision at the moment. Perhaps it's all just post-PMS and things will brighten up in a day or two. At least I managed to sit down and write something here; been feeling unable to find the ork or anything even semi-meaningful to share. Perhaps tomorrow's long overdue visit to the hairdresser followed by a massage will be just what I need. And maybe it's just the January/February Blues, and the only cure is putting my head down again and slogging toward Spring.

Anyone else feeling like this? What are you doing to counteract it, if so?

Feeding My Hungry Head:
  • Finally got to see UP. I love Pixar. LOVE
  • In the middle of an intriguing, unpredictable, hard-to-put-down book: Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger
  • Found a new magazine (thanks to Mom) full of excellent articles that I want to subscribe to: Intelligent Life
mood: tired
music: Laura Veirs—Don't Lose Yourself


I blame manicwork+winterdarkness. You definitely need a weekend on the Amalfi Coast.

That sounds like a perfect idea!

From Megsie

I am not feeling it RIGHT NOW. But I have, lots of times. It is not fun that is for sure. Sometimes it helps to just nap, other times I just fake it until I am not faking anymore. A good book always helps, and a massage? Perfect. My lows are due many times to hormones and they pass, but sometimes it is when I am just feeling so overwhelmed and out of control that I just do NOTHING, then I feel WORSE. I still haven't made my "to do" list for the year, and I am doing that on purpose. I just try to have three goals per day. It is working like a charm. My dining room table isn't cleared off yet, but other little things are done, and I am not feeling so bogged down. And what always helps when people send me hugs...So, here's a HUGE HUG for you. I am sorry you are down in the dumps. I am sure your mom leaving has something to do with it. It is hard to say good bye to my mom when she leaves for California for the winter, and I can only imagine what it is like living so far away from yours. So, HUGS and LOVE sent your way...hope tomorrow is better :)

Re: From Megsie

I've pounded several things down on my to-do list, and today I had a visit to the hairdresser and a massage so I was feeling quite a bit better when I got home...but now the kids have got me so wound up with their shenanigans (ha! I sound like I'm 80!) that I'm could bang heads together. Talked to my mom and my brother though, that helped and so did your lovely comment. Thanks, you darling dear!!

I just finished Her Fearful Symmetry a couple of weeks ago. I'd be very interested to hear what you think about it when you're done, particularly to compare it to the Timetraveler's Wife...

I've found that I'm hesitant to write about all the stuff that's going on in my life just because writing about it seems to make it worse. I want so badly to focus on the positive and keep myself centered but school has me badly off balance and isolating myself, and I'm thinking that I just need to keep my head down and not share the misery. No solutions at hand, except for me it helps to remember to eat at least three times a day at semi regular intervals.

I really enjoyed the book. In fact, I HAD to find out what happened and couldn't put it down last night even though it was well after midnight and I could barely see through my blurry eyes by the time I was done. Deliciously shivery. BUT! Even though Robert seemed to think his plan was obvious at the end, I have no idea where he was supposed to have gone. Did you??

I know what you mean about being hesitant to write about stuff in my life, especially when it's not that great stuff. I should have learned my lesson with that years ago, though...when I went through a particularly bad time by myself and later, telling a friend, she admonished me for keeping it to myself and said that if she couldn't be a friend to me during the bad times, how could she be a friend during the good ones? Friends are there for you, no matter what.


Whenever my sister leaves or I leave my sister after a long visit the same exact thing happens to me. The world looks flat, joyless, and without anything to look forward to. Which is the key! Our best treatment - planning our next visit or (if it is too far in the future) planning our next online project together.


Thank you for the kick in the perspective :) Just what I needed!

Edited at 2010-01-18 09:01 pm (UTC)

I like it when you tell us of the feelings and things that are going on in your world, whether it be joyful, or a schlog through the mud as now. I hope it isn't a long schlog through the mud. I hope your massage & hair appt. help. I bet it's a combo of all those things you mentioned. January is a hard act after the holidaze. If I had to be sick, I guess it was as good a time as any.
I read to escape, go for walks to uplift or just push on myself, cook delightful foods for fun, watch movies, or if I feel enough energy to reach out I might call a friend for walking, tea or movies. Sometimes I just whine on LJ and get some words of encouragement, usually from you or Donna, Trish, or Carolyn.

Hey Liz, have you discovered The Sun magazine?

You're right, January is a tough one, and usually February isn't any better. BUT! It IS getting lighter. And that massage and hair appt definitely helped. :)

And oooh! Thanks for the magazine rec! I've subscribed to the newsletter until I can afford a hardcopy subscription!

There are always a lot of good articles and interviews, but I get particularly obsessed with a regular selection called, "Readers Write." There is a monthly topic that readers write in about with personal stories. Lucky for me that my friend Joa has a subscription and brings her issues to me after she is done reading them. Still, I troll the archives whenever I have some reading time if I am between books.


Liz, sorry you are down in the dumps ! Me too, got sick after holding out for so long and getting too cocky ! Got sick just when things are ramping up at work and I actually have to produce something major like a three year (2011-2013) budget for my department. Isn't that the way it goes? Anyway feel better !!! this too will pass.

Muchas gracias! I know it's a combo of all these things, plus post-visit let-down...and I know this too shall pass. I appreciate the good wishes: thank you!

I'm sorry to say I feel like that most of the time lately and the only thing I do to counteract it is be too tired to do anything about anything. I hope your haircut/massage will work wonders!


Up was a great movie, even though it made me sad and I bawled through a lot of it. Dug, of course, stole the show!


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I can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

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