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My best and oldest friend's son died yesterday. Just over 20 and gone. She called me today to tell me and I was so shocked and horrified I barely knew what to say to her.

She told me a story once, when I was visiting them, and he was still a child, about how she had given him a hug and he had said to her, "Mommy, when you hug me, hearts fly around my head!"

I can't imagine what she's going through. I can't imagine anything that will help her or ease the pain or make any difference to her grief right now. How do you deal with something like that? How would you ever get up off your knees?

Rest in peace, Chris. You will be sorely missed.
mood: devastated


I am very very sorry to hear about the death of your friends son. Parents shouldn't have to go through the loss of their child. My heart goes out to your friends and also to you. /hugs

You don't. Time simply changes it, but how can you deal or get up off your knees?
My sister lost her three year old, in a tragic accident, on my 28th birthday (28yrs ago.) She's never been the same.

Oh Liz. It is truly the most tragic thing I can imagine. I cannot begin to imagine how a mother carries on.

What terrible news! What can one even do, as a friend? It's like losing a piece of your friend...

Oh Liz, I'm so sorry to hear that, for her and you. I imagine you do feel a little helpless, but, knowing you somewhat, you will no doubt be a huge support to her.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry about your friend. *hug*

No, I can't imagine either.
Be there no matter what. I know you will.

i can't even imagine. my heart goes out to her.

I am so sorry, for you and for them and for everyone. *hugs*

Oh how awful! It makes me cry just to read it. Tragic. My heart goes out to them all.

I'm so truly sorry for your friend's loss. I don't think anyone recovers from this.

My cousin's son just died in Jan. He was 24 and it was an avoidable traffic accident. My cousin still can't make it in to work and is having trouble coping.

No doubt your friend will need you. I'm glad you can help her. :-(


Oh I am so sorry to hear that! :( That's horrible... One can't even begin to imagine the grief his family is going through now.

In his 20s... That's just not fair!

My thoughts go to his family, and to you.



"Hearts fly about my head." It made me cry. I wish there was a way to protect them all. Forever.

I'm so sorry for all who had been graced by his life. There is nothing to say but "cruel and not fair". There is no lesson in this.

How terrible, I'm so sorry for them in all possible ways...

Unfathomable, Liz. I'm so sorry for everyone who knew and loved him.

From Megsie

A child lost. I can't even imagine. Although I am going through my own grief today, my heart goes out to your friend, and to you. Death is so elusive. We go through life pretending like it won't touch us, or that it will only come when it is expected--like it is polite. Surprise visits are devastating. Just know that I am there with you *holding your hand* letting my tears flow as well.

I just can't imagine having a child die before the parent. The worst thing imaginable. I remember when Luka's dad called me. I sent a letter to his old address to ask about the funeral since I didn't know who to contact. He cried and cried. I didn't know what to say so I cried too. I'm so sorry for your friend and you and all the other parents.


It does seem impossible that you would ever be able to get out of bed. When I was growing up, my mom told me that if anything ever happened to us, she would want to die, too. I didn't understand that until I had Thomas, of course. Now it is my worst fear that something will happen to him or, like Megsie's friend, something will happen to me, before I can make sure he knows how much I love him and love being his mom.

Recently I have read, from parents who have lost a child, how important it is to let them know their child is not forgotten, that you still think of them. I would definitely write down that memory or any others you have and share them with her. I'm sure it would mean so much.

This family will definitely be in my prayers, especially as I have a Chris who is much loved.

:( Sam

I'm so sorry, Liz. I can't imagine anything that will lessen her pain, but I think sharing it may help lift the weight of it somehow. My thoughts are with you both.

Oh, god. Just the thought is unbearable. I'm so sorry for everyone who loved him.

My just-like-another-sister friend growing up, passed away when we were in our early 20s, from brain cancer.

I call her parents every year, to let them know that she's still remembered, and loved, and missed, just as much now as when she passed away, 20-odd years ago. I call them on the anniversary of her birth, not her death, because that's what I want to remember, and what I want to help them celebrate: her life, and how blessed we were that she was in ours.

They've never been the same, and I suppose I haven't, either. But after a time you do...well, not move on, but at least keep going.

I'm so sorry for the pain that you and yours are in. I'm glad that you're there for your friend; as much pain as she's in right now, I'm sure it would be worse without you there to give her your love and support.

I wish I could fix it. :-( My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

My maternal grandmother, who died at almost 99 years old, lost her mother to illness, her home to fire, her husband to cancer, many, many friends and 3 of her six children prior to her own death. She always maintained that the loss of one's child is the absolute worst grief one can experience. I wonder why we don't even have a name for it.

It might not ease her pain, but being there in whatever ways you feel like is being a friend. Send a bi-weekly note that she's in your thoughts; some gift certificates for restaurants in her area. Ultimately, letting someone know that they can call upon us whatever or whenever they need is the most we can do.

I'm sorry for this loss and its affect on your friend and on you. I wish you all the best.

How awful. My deep sympathies to your friend.


Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it.


ohmygod, Liz, i'm just catching up on blogs. i'm SO very sorry to hear this. (now i understand your FB posts.) big HUGS and much LOVE. xo

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