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zird is the word [userpic]
OUT OF FOCUS
Mostly my focus isn't here. It's at work or within. It's on the cloud cover and the chilly temps, on the tiny hard green cherries on the cherry tree and on whether or not the baby rosebushes are thriving. It's on Eurovision or was, this past weekend; therefore on bad costume choices and bad Balkan pop and stage crashers and a surprising amount of decent songs and how much more relaxing it was to watch the show without worrying about how Sweden was doing since they didn't make it the Final this year anyway.

I feel a little disconnected, mostly from myself. I don't seem to have my usual motivation or temper. There's a weird current of uneasiness moving through me these days and there seems to be a still center where I'm just sitting, listening, waiting for whatever it is that's supposed to happen next.

Even the upcoming trip hasn't fired me. It's too early to start packing, even too early to start organizing, though several of the big to-do items have actually been crossed off my list.

I don't know exactly what it is I'm waiting for.

Tomorrow Anders and I will have been married for 14 years. We don't usually exchange gifts or anything. Heck, most years, we're lucky if we remember it on the right day! And he and the kids have Scouts tomorrow evening so maybe we'll have to plan something for the weekend instead, or wait until we're in the States. We can show the kids where we got married, maybe! At least we'll take them to some of our old favorite restaurants.

I know I haven't been a very good blogger lately. At some point, I'll be re-focused. Probably when the sun comes out and hits me with her searing eye.

Singity Songity Happity Birthidy Wishes to jes6ica!
 weird
mood: weird
music: maNga—We Could Be the Same


Comments

Are you focused on sushi tomorrow? I know I am!

Did you like Lena?

I certainly am focused on sushi! Was thinking about you all morning, can't wait! :) And yes, I liked Lena, but I liked maNga better :)

Happy anniversary!

And here's hoping you feel more like yourself soon.

Sunshine is helping, for sure :)

(Anonymous)

HI- Happy Anniversary! Happy Day! Love, Lizardmom

Thanks, Mom :) We haven't actually done any celebrating yet, but hopefully this weekend!

(Anonymous)
From Willow

Here's hoping for the sun to come out and sear you!

Re: From Willow

2 solid days! Hurray!

From Megsie

This post reminds me of Christina's new post today. I don't think you have read it yet. But, it reminds me of the poem she wrote. Like you are also on the brink. Of what? I don't know. It is just strangely the same vibe. You haven't been a bad blogger at all, by the way. You are an incredible blogger all the time. I love your words. xoxo

Re: From Megsie

I am not an incredible blogger! Ha! But you're darling to say so. I hadn't read Christina's post before I posted this...she and I have an uncanny ability to write about the same sorts of feelings simultaneously, though. It's spooky, yet surprisingly comforting. :)

unsolicited advice. will I never stop??

Just remember to keep breathing. Make it conscious some of the time. It is the ebb and flow. (Hi FLO!) You'll get focused again. You'll get excited about your trip, or alternately you'll get on your trip and excitement will overtake you.
Happy anniversary. That is a landmark in time, to share a loving relationship for so long. Yay for you and Anders.
Oh, and eat more sushi.

Re: unsolicited advice. will I never stop??

I hope you never WILL stop since it's always GOOD advice :) And yes, sushi has helped, as has sunshine!!

Re: unsolicited advice. will I never stop??

I sure hope we get some sunshine soon. It has been unending rain recently. At least it is a gentle rain.
DO you ever eat inari sushi?

Re: unsolicited advice. will I never stop??

Nope...not a big tofu fan. :)

(Anonymous)
Joy here :)))

Here is wishing you back in focus. :) Just take your camera out, tweak the lens. ;-) That help? OH I am so funny. NOT! ;D

You know what? I just came back from my trip to old home state and I have been out of focus for three days! Nice visit but I miss it so. Can't be there. :( Stuff I have to be here in TN for. Mainly me. Oh drat!

Just saying I know the feeling of being out of focus. I am finally feeling better, finally putting things in perspective.

And you will too. It'll all fall in together and you'll wonder what that feeling was!

Happy Anniversary!
Joy

Re: Joy here :)))

It's really hard to go to old homesteads, I think. I'm simultaneously craving and dreading our trip to Chicago this summer. I think it will wind me up completely as well as boiling all kinds of mixed feelings to the surface.

(Anonymous)
Re: Joy here :)))

You are right, it is hard. Even harder because TN isn't home. It is good enough but at times it is bad enough. I am going through difficult times right now. :( It seems NOTHING will change it. Not even the yummy cheese I brought back from WI.

First of all... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

And secondly--did you REALLY post that the same day I posted "How It Began"??
You: out of my head! Out! :)

Hahaaa! Braintwins! :D

Unfocused here too.

Glad to know I'm not alone. And since writing this, I've heard from lots of people that we're not alone. Comforting :)

Well, wherever your focus went must be where mine skipped off to as well. I hope they're having a fabulous vacation and will come back sharp and re-energized. And soon! Oh yes, and happy, happy anniversary to you and Anders -- 14 years is an amazing feat.

They're sitting on the dock of the bay, holding hands and swinging their feet. I hope they come back re-energized soon, too. And thanks! I think 14 years is pretty amazing, myself :)

(Anonymous)

I second the weird mood.

-Heather

I love the icon. ;-)

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