zird is the word (lizardek) wrote,
zird is the word

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I'm motivated to do some things, but not others. I have a long mental list of things I want to get done, resolutions to get started on, overdue and neglected projects to start back up. Instead, I find myself reading. Big surprise! I haven't even made a real to-do list for much of it because I ...can't figure out where to start. If I send myself email reminders about urgent or semi-urgent things, I get them done, but though it seems smart to send myself emails that say: Call the immigration board about residence card or Schedule appointment with new dentist or Bring laptop to work, it feels silly to send myself emails that say: Work on collage book. Organize saved artwork files. Get on the freaking treadmill already.

Why is it so much easier to get some things done than others? Are they really a bigger priority? Isn't being creative, going for a walk, or figuring out a way to let go of the years worth of Martha Stewart Living magazines that I have rarely...oh, let's face it, NEVER, looked at again after the first read-through, worth prioritizing? What makes some things more important than others? Some things I do because I know they're fast to do. And even though I say I never procrastinate, really there are plenty of things that I never seem to make time for, never get around to, keep in the back of my mind.

It's easy to float through life, following the easy path. It's much harder to stop and force yourself to take stock and even harder to force yourself to get out of ...not a rut, exactly, but a routine that is familiar, no matter how busy and full-up it may be. It's easy to let the days just blend one into the next until suddenly you're staring down Christmas once again. Blink and you lose.

Most evenings, when I've left work, there are things that have to be done. The kids have to be fed, Karin has to get to practice, reminders about homework have to be made and followed up on. The fish tank needs cleaning, the laundry needs washing and good lord, don't tell me the dishwasher is full again! Would having cleaning help free me up to actually sit at my art desk and pull out the glue gun? Or would I just find other closets that need cleaning or boxes that need sorting?

I have almost finished the editing on my blog book for 2011. I just have to finish the table of contents, layout the cover and upload it to Lulu for publishing. Even with over 150 pages, it's so routine after 9 books that I can get an entire year's worth of journal entries edited before the middle of January. That's one priority down, at least, and it even counts as somewhat creative.

Sometimes I think most of my creative urges are subsumed into work, but that's really no excuse. The vast majority of what I do there is completely routine, too. Sometimes I think I'll be more creative again in the future, when family isn't taking up so much time and energy, but that's no excuse either. Neither of my kids is stopping me from painting or quilling or collaging, instead of reading. It's not just a matter of TIME. Even though I often feel, and often complain, that I have no time, I have plenty of it. I just choose to fill it up with other things.

When I get home from work, I often spend 15 minutes walking through the house tidying. Putting things where they belong; yelling at the kids to come get THEIR things. 15 minutes to walk around the block when I get out of the car instead of going right inside. 15 minutes to clear off my art desk of all the miscellaneous crap that has been piled there, blocking any actual creativity. 15 minutes to get ready, get set, GO.

Beribboned Bundles of Belated Birthday Wishes to helloheather and blueberrymoon and an EXTRA BIG SMOOCH to Birthday Girl Marilyn!
Tags: beinglizardek
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