This week marks the definite change to autumn. I saw the first sugar beet on the side of the road, heralding the official start of fall in Skåne. Some of the leaves are turning, but down here we mostly have the browns and golds, and not the blazing reds and oranges I wish we had. When you DO see the red autumn leaves they are almost a shock: so bright and fancy against the still green or drab landscapes. Even the hay bales have mostly been gathered in and the fields are barren and ready for winter rest. Tomorrow is the equinox, and I find myself boggling almost daily at how late in the year it already is.
For some reason, I was making a mental list earlier today of all the physical things that are wrong with me right now. Some of them can be chalked up to aging and some are things that I'm doing something about, but UGH. It feels sometimes like a never-ending list. Just when I start working on one problem, something else falls apart or goes to hell. If this is what getting older is all about, I wanna get off. Start over. Go back to a time when I could really appreciate how nicely everything just WORKS like it's supposed to.
It's such a busy time of year and yet I feel I am sort of sitting things out and letting time pass. Maybe I'm feeling the pain of separation more than I'd like to admit. Learning to live without your children, after nearly 20 years of their daily presence, is tough. I don't know if Karin is making it harder or easier by never being home, haha! I text with Martin often, and we call him every weekend, but it's not the same, and sometimes it makes me miss him more. He seems to be settling in well and is enjoying his classes and the work, and making friends. I just wish he wasn't so darn FAR away. Hi, mom! :D (fruit, fall, not far from the tree, I KNOW)
I wonder if it's partly the time of year...heading into winter, holidays, hibernation, that is making me feel all the feels so much more. We tend to introspection this time of year, I suppose. In the spring and summer we're too busy enjoying the outdoors and all the bright shining newness of things to get moody. For me, anyway, writing it out here definitely helps. And, of course, knowing (or at least hoping) that someone is reading, listening, and possibly nodding their head.