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DOWNER DAY
I wasn't going to post anything today, because I'm not in a social mood, but what the hell. I've got nothing better to do at work, and I'm tired of myself, so maybe writing something will help push me out of it.

Things Karin refused to do last night but ended up doing anyway under duress: stop fighting with Martin, eat dinner, sit in her bed for a 5-minute time-out, sit in her bed for another 5-minute time-out, remove her clothes, take a bath, wash her hair, dry herself off, put on pajamas, go to bed, go to sleep.

Thing Karin refused to do last night despite several attempts on our part to reason, cajole, sternly demand: apologize to Martin for hitting him really hard in the chest, right in front of me, after a fight in which she had taken one of his toys from him, which led to the aforementioned time-outs.

Number of times I walked around our entire neighborhood in the cold: 2
Number of times I nearly walked around our entire neighborhood in the cold, because Anders was still sitting in Karin's room: 3

Number of times I refrained from striking, strangling, or drowning my child: 4

Total time elapsed: 3 hours, 30 minutes

Number of times I've mentioned the weather in my journal since starting it in August, because obviously the weather affects me much more than I'd like to admit, and today is no exception, where is the SUN?: way too many

Eye-color demographics at my lunch table: 3 blue, 2 brown, 1 hazel, 1 amber/pale green
Reason why I noticed the eye colors of the people at my lunch table: because I am usually completely out-numbered by blue-eyed Swedes

Fantasy writers, one of whom is in my all-time favorite authors list, that I found out yesterday have LiveJournals: 3

SOME PERSONAL CALENDAR NUMBERS:
5 days until my Tuesday-morning massages start up again
6 days out of the next 8 have something on the calendar for the evening
8 days until my husband and children leave for a ski trip
9 days of much-needed alone-time will be luxuriated in during the ski trip

Amount of support, appreciation, good-feeling and love supplied by the comments, phone call and hugs last night from YOU, my mom and my husband: incalculable. Thank you
 depressed
mood: depressed
music: Elton John—I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues


Comments

Hope you're feeling better.

And we never did do that craft night during mellandagarna!

doh, we didn't, did we? Well, see that NINE days up there on my calendar list?? I'm FREE most of those evenings!! Are you going to Thai Night on the 17th? If not after that, how about the 18th, 19th, 20th, 22nd or 23rd? :)

Wow. I go away for a day and all hell breaks loose. You poor thing. I've been in your position before with my son. He was 17 already when he was born. While I can tell you some funny anecdotes about things he did and said, there were many times that I wanted to kill him.

I never really talked about it and that was a huge problem. By struggling along alone and in silence, I went from wishing he was dead to wishing I was dead! Seriously. Pretty scary stuff. I went mentally and physically down hill - in fact, I fell out of my tree! I covered it by "doing things" - being Mrs Super Efficient, always in control, always busy, always the one asked to help with this and that. It was almost as though I was afraid that if I stopped for one second, had one tiny moment in the day to actually feel, that I would literally slit my wrists.

On the outside I was still the funny, laughing, fun-loving, organised Marie I always was. But emotionally I was dead and buried, only I didn’t stop long enough to recognise it. It had this way of creeping up on you if you let it.

So I'm happy to see that you DO talk about it, you are honest about how you feel and seek support from those around you. No, we don't have any magic solution, but we can listen and give you some space to be YOU. It also sounds like you have a very special man there!

*HUGS* That's all I can offer at the moment.

Geez, your post struck a scary chord. :( I'm doing the SAME THING, for the most part. I do talk about it, but otherwise, I feel just like you did. And offering hugs and empathy helps a LOT, thank you. Well, if I can get through it and turn out like you have, I'll feel I've accomplished a lot. :)

There is never a problem with WANTING to strike, strangle or drown your child - the problems come with following through with such wants and you did a great job of avoiding them!!! :)

I've taken lots of walks as raising children can be sooooo frustrating. Don't doubt that you are a good mom. She is just your "sandpaper from heaven." She will grate and rough you up and remove your skin at times, but in the end both of you will be smoother for all the struggle.

Enjoy your 9 days - we all need time alone. :)

Sandpaper from heaven...I like that!

Liz, you are a great mother. We can all see that from your posts. Just, like Marie says, let yourself be YOU too. *hugs* Cuz you're mighty important. What's that that what's-his-face says, "You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!" :)

Liz, be thankful you've got the sense to get out and walk off your anger and frustration and be thankful you've got Anders, who apparently can sit with her while you do and manage not to kill her. I know you hear "it's only a phase" and it is, but damn it, they sure last a long time sometimes. HUGS.

My mom said, "Look on the bright side, at least Karin got you out of the house and exercising!" haha :P

Anders and I have to take turns with her because we both are at our wit's ends. Thank goodness he calms down when I get upset (and vice versa) or we'd REALLY have a problem!! Thanks for the supportive comments :)

(no subject) - (Anonymous)

:) knowing that makes me smile. thank you!

Sorry you had a rough day. :oI Hope you are feeling better real soon. Elton John is really cool.

thank you, and yes, he is, isn't he? :)

(Anonymous)
"this too shall pass"

Well if you can say it, so can I, right?

Go to your happy place. Imagine you're there. Think of all the details that fill your happy place. The smell, the sounds, the taste, the sights. Envision yourself there, totally relaxed, totally at peace... how do you feel?

My happy place is on the beach near a rookery of birds. It smells like ocean and suntan lotion, it tastes salty, I hear birds crying all around, and the crash of the waves. I fall asleep with the sun on my back, but in my sleep I still hear the waves.

Woah, you just inadvertently sent me there! Thank you! And thank you for your post today.

xox
Kate
http://penguinart.com/journal.html

Re: "this too shall pass"

Whoa, you sent ME there, too, and MY happy place is a library (with a massage center and a sushi restaurant, hmmmm) :) :) thank YOU!! and you're right, I need to remember to keep it in mind for MYSELF, too!

Number of times I refrained from striking, strangling, or drowning my child: 4

Well done.

*lol* thank you, I'm pretty proud of that part, myself. :)

(Anonymous)

AAugh.....big mistake ...never, ever look at puppy pictures or the real actual item......only look at Big, slobbery dogs because that is what you really get!!! and it helps to put off the actual acquisition
"Sandpaper from heaven" is by far, the very best description I have ever heard- thank you for that!
And I hope that today Karin is in her totally lovable, wonderful mood- but remind her about yesterdays unacceptable behavior and what other things she could do instead when she can't cope. :)
LOve and hugs, LizardMom

We need to get you your own "LIZARDMOM" LJ account, hahaha! :) Except that would probably make Sarah & John feel, er, adopted. :P

I know about the big slobbery dogs, and you are SO RIGHT!! I should know better!! :) :)

Saw your post in a friend of friend journal. Hang in there and follow all the good advice of your friends.

Just curious - who are the three LJs of professional writers and how did you find them?

Peg Kerr, Jo Walton, and *swoon* Pamela Dean :) Check my Friends list :) :) :) and thanks for the comment!

A community for you

By the way, in all of my poking around on friends and f-o-f profiles today, I found a community you might find enjoyable: Bad Parents!

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=badparents

This post would be right at home x-posted there. Ciao!

Re: A community for you

LOL! Thanks, I'll check it out :)

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